Friday, December 26, 2014
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Michael Sam’s kiss is just a kiss

crisp column sig

By
May 20, 2014 |

When Michael Sam became the first openly gay football player to be drafted into the NFL, President Barack Obama congratulated him, the St. Louis Rams, and the NFL “for taking an important step forward today in our nation’s journey.”  And many enlightened citizens felt good about our continued progress toward equal treatment for all.

But when Sam, in his joy at finally being drafted in the seventh round, kissed his boyfriend, Vito Cammisano, on the lips on ESPN, some reactions were predictable.

A few current and former football players commented disapprovingly.  Miami Dolphins safety Don Jones said “OMG” and called it “horrible.”  And beyond the NFL, documentary film director Patrick Dollard said, “Any straight person who says (the kiss) doesn’t look disgusting can’t pass a lie detector test saying it.  Prove me wrong.”

One of Dollard’s Twitter followers said, “That was extremely disgusting.  I possibly just threw up in my mouth a little.”

Our nation’s movement toward full, nondiscriminatory equality in all matters for all citizens, including gays, has been impressive.  Mostly our progress is glacial, but sometimes it leaps forward with considerable energy, as indicated by recent changing attitudes toward same-sex marriage in a number of states.  And Sam’s freedom to be open about his sexuality in the macho world of pro football is a significant milestone.

But we shouldn’t be satisfied with getting almost to the goal.  Why shouldn’t Sam be able to express his emotions just as the other drafted players did when they kissed their wives and girlfriends on national TV?

We’re often a lot better at embracing lofty principles and ordinary practices than we are at accepting, or even acknowledging, their implications.  For example, blacks were playing professional baseball long before they were treated as ordinary citizens at lunch counters and hotels across the nation.

We agree that blacks and whites are equal in every respect before the law, but some of us still have trouble with the down-to-earth circumstance of black students – too many of them, at least – in the same classroom with our own children.

We’re hearty meat-eaters, but we’re oblivious to the fact that meat-eating depends on considerable suffering and bloodletting.  Our ongoing infatuation with hydrocarbons depends on denying the consequences for the climate.

There’s more, but the point is that every principle or practice that we accept and support has implications that we might prefer to ignore.  Whatever you think of homosexuals, they’re people, not abstractions, and we can’t accept them as equals entitled to all of the rights of American citizenship and, at the same time, deny them the privilege of comfortably expressing their emotions just as straights do.

Some argue that disgust at the sight of two men kissing is a natural, innate response programmed by millennia of “normal” heterosexual reproduction.  As it happens, I’m not gay, nor an evolutionary biologist, but I’m skeptical about this notion:

Many years ago I was loosely acquainted with an old man who, otherwise uncharacteristically, would sit up at night and watch soft-core, cable-grade pornography.  I’m told that he watched whatever came on, more or less indiscriminately, from regular canoodling to mild lesbianism to, probably, benign domination.

But when a black man finally fondled and kissed a white woman on TV, he said, “Now, that’s disgusting.”

Maybe there are some things that we’re programmed to find disgusting.  But I suspect that a lot of what we find offensive or objectionable or disgusting doesn’t have much of a rational basis.

Certainly our prejudices are learned.  And they can be unlearned.

Whether you believe homosexuality is “normal” or not, the destruction of the stigma that is attached to it is a healthy goal for our nation.  We’ve made progress.  The worthy end of our progress might be the day when we don’t find anything particularly remarkable about two men holding hands or kissing in public.

I understand that some of them even have sex, as well.

John M. Crisp, an op-ed columnist for McClatchy-Tribune, teaches in the English Department at Del Mar College in Corpus Christi, Texas. Readers may send him email at jcrisp@delmar.edu.

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | 15 comments

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  • 2realMay 20, 2014 - 6:12 am

    It is disgusting!!! They may fine these players or protest but dont let that sway you from that god given instinct of knowing in your heart that man and man or female and female is WRONG!! Advertising it was totally wrong.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • CD BrooksMay 20, 2014 - 6:34 am

    2real, I hope you put your prejudices aside and don't subject your kids to them.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Jason KnowlesMay 20, 2014 - 10:03 am

    2real, "female and female" is one of the most sensuous, beautiful things I have ever seen. Ever. If you don't think that two women going at it is beautiful, methinks YOU might be gay!

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Danny BuntinMay 20, 2014 - 10:32 am

    What are they supposed to do, "shake hands"??? It is better then sacrificing your son, to prove your love of a god.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • ter666May 20, 2014 - 12:30 pm

    2real, what color is the sky in your black and white world?

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • JagMay 20, 2014 - 10:30 am

    Totally planned, and then the guy goes and pisses off Jeff Fisher his coach with the whole HARPO thing and he had to back off of that, but the bigger shame is he was picked with just seven players left to go which tells me if it was not for the whole gay thing he would of not even been drafted and the NFL just wanted to avoid all of the questions as to why he was not drafted, The Rams are stacked with defense and don’t even need him so let’s see come September, I think he will get cut and the NFL can say they tried.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Danny BuntinMay 20, 2014 - 10:37 am

    He was actually predicted to be picked earlier. So, you had a conversation with Jeff Fisher, were he showed his displeasure about Sams? Lets see how you react when you are given the opportunity to earn millions. I will clearly expect to see you shaking hands with your partner.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • rlw895May 20, 2014 - 12:32 pm

    It's good people express these feelings so we can discuss them.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • 2realMay 20, 2014 - 4:39 pm

    @ter666- the color of the sky in my world is blue, the way god chose it to be. Just like my marriage to a woman, the way god chose it to be!!

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • PornacMay 20, 2014 - 5:19 pm

    Even being from Texas I like the Crisp.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • PornacMay 20, 2014 - 5:22 pm

    We are better off having people be themselves than in hiding.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • 2realMay 20, 2014 - 8:13 pm

    @pornac very true.whats the point of having an opinion if your not gonna voice it!

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • MarkMay 20, 2014 - 9:41 pm

    2real, why would god make them gay then? If you think it's a choice, at what point in your life did you choose to be straight?

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • 2realMay 20, 2014 - 9:52 pm

    Mark- i believe you are born straight. People then make the decision to be gay. He wouldnt create something hes against. Thats my opinion

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • rlw895May 20, 2014 - 10:55 pm

    Do you actually know any gay people who've told you that? It's not like you have to make this up.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
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