Tuesday, September 16, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

When does helping become enabling?

price column sig

By
From page A8 | July 12, 2014 |

Parents who have allowed their children to live with them until those children have children in high school.

A mother who still makes her grown son’s bed and does his laundry.

Putting up your home as collateral to bail a drug-addicted relative out of jail multiple times.

Are these actions aiding or enabling? How do you know when we are doing so much for someone you care about that it actually does them more damage than good?

As a parent and youth service worker, I have raised or served at least two generations of youth. In doing so, I have also seen a shift in the way youth are raised. There is the tough-love generation and the nurturing generation. Some also refer to the differences as old school and new school.

The 1970s consisted of a generation who experienced tough love. Once you hit 18, your parents started expecting you to be out of the house or on your way. If not, you were helping to pay the rent or mortgage if you still lived at home. It was mandatory that you took care of the household responsibilities, such as washing dishes or cutting the grass. It was expected of you to contribute to your household and earn your keep until you could obtain enough financial stability to move into your own place.

By the time you were 21, you were on your own and independent. This meant you could provide your own housing, food and transportation.

I am definitely an advocate of the tough-love generation. Forget about age, if any of my children even grows taller than me, it’s time for them to move. Being that I’m only 5 feet 8 inches tall, the clock starts ticking for them in middle school.

The current generation has an alarming increase of permanent dependents and boomerang kids. We have children who never leave the nest, or those who leave for a while and come back.

I have encountered individuals with grown children still living at home, who are working but not paying bills. In speaking to the parents, they maintain that they are allowing their son or daughter to save money and build a nice nest egg to get them started. The issue is that there is usually no accountability and the temporary situation becomes a long-term burden for the parents.

Many youth who are in this situation fail to gain the personal growth and independent living skills to grow into a responsible person. So you now have an individual who is delayed in their personal development and adulthood. Some youth who I have recently spoken to are simply taking advantage of the generosity of their parents.

I mentor a 23-year-old who lives with his mother and has a job, but pays no rent or bills. She bought him a car and even pays his car insurance. I’m not sure what he is doing with his money, but he wears the latest overpriced footware and just paid $449 for the new PlayStation 4 video console. When I heard this, my mouth was open with shock. I paid $400 for my first car, a 1972 Volkswagen.

To add some perspective, I understand that conditions are much more difficult for today’s young adults. Housing and the cost of living has tripled in the past 25 years. The cost of education is insultingly high. It’s unrealistic to expect a 24-year-old new college grad to obtain gainful employment that pays enough for him to afford decent housing, when he more than likely will also have more than $100,000 in student loan debt.

Everyone needs a little help, but remember, there is a fine line between helping and hindering.

Deon D. Price is an author and youth life-skills coach who lives in Fairfield. Reach him at Thisyouthgeneration@gmail.com or www.twitter.com/youthgeneration.

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | 4 comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Tax PayerJuly 12, 2014 - 5:30 am

    Deon, you are so right. Parents today coddle there kids and don't understand that it doesn't benefit them in the long run. Tough love is the way to go, unfortunately not in most cases today.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • DeonJuly 12, 2014 - 8:57 am

    Absolutely, the proof is in the results of the products of old school parenting; a more responsible generation of adults. Thanks for reading

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • JagJuly 12, 2014 - 7:59 am

    I think we are not teaching kids today how to cope with issues, when a child has a problem in school or is a little bit slower learner then other kids the first thing they want to do it put the child on a drug, when my son was 18 he came home and said his girlfriend was moving in with us, (my son no longer live in my house) I now have a 19 year old daughter who is going to be a dentist guess what? Those student loans will be in her name, I will help her as much as I can but I am not putting my retirement on the line. Good job Deon

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • DeonJuly 12, 2014 - 9:04 am

    Jag, I know it was probably a challenge to turn away your son. We are emotionally attached to our children which sometimes clouds our judgment. Thanks for mentioning the issue of youth on subscribed drugs. It's actually going to be my next column topic. It's really having a negative effect on their adult lives. I appreciate your response. Thanks for reading.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
.

Solano News

 
Police enlist help to find armed bandit

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A5, 7 Comments | Gallery

 
Chamber PAC draws candidates to Jelly Belly

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Police catch 10 during weekend checkpoint

By Glen Faison | From Page: A5

 
Weather for Tuesday, Sept. 16, 2014

By Daily Republic staff | From Page:

Coastal Cleanup Day targets local waterways

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Drama reigns supreme with week’s film debuts

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A7

 
Judge questions juror in Calkins case

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A5

Suisun City slaying suspect case moves forward

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A5

 
Touro University to host Zombie Run/Walk

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A5

Land trust organizes Rockville Trails Preserve hike

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A5

 
.

US / World

6 killed, 15 wounded in east Ukraine city

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Afghan suicide bomber kills 3 foreign troops

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
State Sen. Wright resigns after voter fraud case

By The Associated Press | From Page: , 1 Comment

Gazans rush to enjoy life after ruinous war

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Decades later, Vietnam soldiers get Medal of Honor

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Mystery airstrikes target Libyan Islamist militias

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Tiny Qatar plays outsize role in US war strategy

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Generation gap: Young Scots favor independence

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Police: Rifle used to ambush Pennsylvania troopers

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Hurricane Odile slams Mexico’s Baja California

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
House GOP moves ahead on Syrian rebel training

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Kerry: US open to talks with Iran on Islamic State

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Poll: Voters support legal path for immigrants

By The Associated Press | From Page: , 2 Comments

Man suspected of firing on kids at ice cream truck

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
NASA inspector blasts asteroid protection program

By The Associated Press | From Page: , 1 Comment

Officials disclose Delaware funeral home Jonestown remains

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Southern California swelters in heat wave

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Northern California wildfire burns 100 homes

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
9 hurt in crash on SF Bay Area freeway

By The Associated Press | From Page:

PG&E officials removed for improper communications

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Chicago, NY, Hawaii on Obama library’s short list

By The Associated Press | From Page: , 2 Comments | Gallery

Powerful Washington lobbyist Boggs dies at 73

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
.

Opinion

 
Column focus on campaign signs misplaced

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A11, 3 Comments

.

Living

Community Calendar: Sept. 16, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: , 1 Comment

 
.

Entertainment

Apple releases tool to remove free U2 album

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Cat Stevens announces brief US concert tour

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Forward-thinking U2 innovating while entertaining

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Revamped ‘View’ begins its daytime run

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Clooney to receive HFPA’s Cecil B. DeMille Award

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Exhibition looks at genius of carousel inventor

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Miss America: More to worry about than red cup

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Protocol followed in detention of actress

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Jean Paul Gaultier to stop making ready-to-wear

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Atlanta rapper Gucci Mane sentenced in assault

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Bob Crewe, ‘Walk Like a Man’ writer, dead at 83

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
TVGrid Seot 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

.

Sports

Diamondbacks knock off Giants 6-2

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Prep boys soccer: Vanden wins, Armijo ties, VCS falls

By Daily Republic staff | From Page:

Prep volleyball: VCS swept by Woodland Christian

By Daily Republic staff | From Page:

 
Foles leads Eagles to 30-27 win against Colts

By The Associated Press | From Page:

This date in sports history for Tuesday, Sept. 16, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Cardinals manager can relate to Stanton incident

By The Associated Press | From Page:

As troops exit, Britain aids soccer in Afghanistan

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
US uses big third quarter to pull away from Canada

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Backup QBs make their marks in Week 2

By Barry Wilner | From Page:

 
NFL, union close to finalizing new drug policy

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Tanaka 5 scoreless innings in instructional league

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Mets rookie deGrom ties K mark; Marlins win 6-5

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Papelbon suspended 7 games by MLB

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Dream Team, Barcelona Games continue to impact NBA

By The Associated Press | From Page:

US basketball reigns in Spain, awaits Rio Olympics

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
AP Source: Raiders to sign WR Vincent Brown

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Raiders embarrassed after 0-2 start

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Redskins optimistic RG3 will return this season

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Pistorius free to compete, SA Olympic body says

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Woods says strength is back, but not swing

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Domestic violence experts added as NFL advisers

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Union expects to file Rice appeal Tuesday

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Vikings bring back Peterson despite abuse charge

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Patriots still not quite right with ball

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Harbaugh: McDonald’s legal process must play out

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
.

Business

US wealth gap putting the squeeze on state revenue

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Speculation swirls over Fed language on rate hike

By The Associated Press | From Page:

GM expert says 19 deaths eligible for compensation

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Once-troubled reverse mortgages poised for rebound

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Apple: Record 4M orders of iPhones on 1st day

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
‘Minecraft’ could boost Microsoft’s mobile reach

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Stocks mixed ahead of Fed; small companies slump

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
.

Obituaries

Minnie Lee Dixon

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Baby Blues Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Get Fuzzy Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Blondie Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Peanuts Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Sudoku Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Baldo Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Zits Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Crossword Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Sally Forth Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Beetle Bailey Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

For Better or Worse Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Pickles Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Dilbert Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Bridge Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Garfield September 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Frank and Ernest Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Word Sleuth Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Rose is Rose Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Wizard of Id Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
B.C. Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Cryptoquote Sept 16

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5