Thursday, August 28, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Time to return Mother’s Day to Mom

wade kelvin column sig copy

By
From page A11 | May 08, 2014 |

As I’ve written in the past, Mother’s Day is unfortunately tethered to death in my family. It was on Mother’s Day –  May 13, 1990 – when my brother Ken killed his girlfriend and himself at a lounge near Travis Air Force Base. I’ve tried in recent years to be better at honoring my mother and all mothers and seeing the day as a day of love instead of dread.

Anyone who knew my mother knows she was a kind-hearted person. She was fair, funny and generous and she lived her faith. When I picture my mom, I see her cleaning the house while humming a tune, anything from A.W. Dicus’ “Our God, He is Alive” to the Rolling Stones’ “Start Me Up.”

My mother’s parenting was innovative. When I was a teen, I had a “party drawer.” Underneath clothes sat bottles of wine, cans of beer and packages of cigars. Imagine my horror one day when I went to retrieve my party favors and found nothing but empty bottles, cans and cigar wrappers. Mom had found my stash, dumped the contents and put the empties back in my drawer without saying a word to me. Well played, Mom.

One summer when I was 14 or 15, I sneaked off on my bike to this girl’s house on Pheasant Drive in Suisun City, which was a good ways from my house on Davis Drive in Fairfield. My jaw dropped when my mother drove up to the house yelling for me to “get home!” There was my younger brother Scott, sitting in the passenger seat eating an ice cream. My mom bribed him with an ice cream bar in exchange for my location.

If my mom told me to take out the garbage and I forgot to do it, I’d walk into my room and see a couple of full sacks of garbage sitting on my bed. When she got tired of telling me to stop leaving my shoes in the living room, I’d find my Converse in place of my pillow on my bed.

When I was older, my mom and I would play spades, Scrabble and chess. It was frequently during these games that she confided in me in a way that she never would have when I was a child. It’s a blessing when you can have a true friendship with your mom as an adult.

She told me she wanted my initials to be KJW like Ken’s, so when she had me, she looked through a book of baby names to find something unique. She thought “Kevin” was too common. She might as well have went with that name because I’m called “Kevin” every day anyway!

She confirmed that my paternal grandfather committed suicide and hadn’t died in the car accident as she’d told me when I was a child. She also confided in me that she lost a baby before my oldest brother Orvis was born. It made me wonder how life would’ve been if there’d been six Wade boys instead of five.

I was surprised when I heard her say in a support group that the fact that Ken had committed his horrible final act on Mother’s Day made no difference to her. There is no good day for one’s son to commit murder-suicide.

So this Sunday, I’ll reflect on Katy Wade of San Augustine, Texas. Valedictorian of her class in San Augustine Colored High School. Faithful and loving wife. Mother of five, almost six, boys. Loyal employee of Intercommunity/NorthBay Hospital. I’ll think of the funny things she did, the sacrifices she made and the moral compass and common sense she instilled in us boys. And I will mourn my brother and his girlfriend May 13.

Mother’s Day belongs to my mom. Peace.

Kelvin Wade is the author of “Morsels” Vols. I and II and lives in Fairfield. Email him at kelvinjwade@aol.com.

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | 6 comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • smwieserMay 08, 2014 - 3:36 am

    Mr. Wade I enjoy reading your thoughts and feelings. Thank you for sharing what a real family faces in life, the good, the bad, and the sad. Your Mom sounds like a special woman I would love to have had as a friend. Thanks to her smart parenting style she raised MEN that will pass on that wonderful parenting style.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • BaseballmomMay 08, 2014 - 7:09 am

    Beautiful column and tribute to your mom. May she rest in Peace. And may your brother and his girlfriend rest in Peace too.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Tony WadeMay 08, 2014 - 8:43 am

    That was absolutely beautiful, Kel. I confess to sometimes feeling like some single people who are sick of Valentine's Day hype when it comes to Mother's Day. I just miss her. Truthfully, she had a long, slow decline of about a decade and I especially miss the person she was before all that. I'll still be sad Sunday, but this column really helped me to get perspective. Oh, and thanks for outing that snitch Scott. Sold you out for a Nutty Buddy! I would have at least upped it to a banana split before givin' you up! I love you!

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • KelvinMay 08, 2014 - 11:02 am

    Thank you all. Yeah when I think about mom I think about playing games with her or holidays etc... Since my birthday was six days after hers she would give me the same birthday card I gave her with "Mom" crossed out and my name written in. Or I remember arguing with her and inevitably sometime during the argument she'd take my side leaving me in total confusion. Great technique. I use it today! I use her expressions with the grandkids. We've got to keep sayings like "eating a hound's bait and a dog's farewell" alive. If you google that phrase you'll only see my references. Yeah,, Scott sold me out. Wasn't the last time either! Yeah mom had a long decline and that was hard. But she lives on in all of us.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Marlene StobbartMay 08, 2014 - 11:25 am

    Kelvin, as always enjoy your excellent column. To be brave enough to write personal happenings is unique, You are to be congratulated.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • clancyMay 08, 2014 - 11:38 am

    That was beautiful. Sounds like as great mom Have tears in my eyes.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
.

Solano News

 
Locke an unparalleled universe in the Delta

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Review set for Vacaville fitness center suit

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3

 
Fairfield motorcyclist hurt in Beck Avenue crash

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3

 
Logue misses meet with Libertarians in Fairfield

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A4

 
Fairfield police log: Aug. 26, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A5

Suisun City police log: Aug. 26, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A5

 
Chamber event looks at health care law

By Barry Eberling | From Page: B5 | Gallery

Winterhawk Winery up for auction

By Barry Eberling | From Page: B5 | Gallery

 
.

US / World

Boy hurt in California quake: ‘I should be dead’

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
California Senate passes gun restraining order

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Lawmakers approve groundwater management bill

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
California sets ride-sharing insurance standards

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Feds allow logging after huge California wildfire

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
California beach town sees flooding from hurricane

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Mom pleads for release of captive US journalist

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6 | Gallery

 
Israeli premier, Hamas declare victory in Gaza war

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6 | Gallery

Q-and-A on Westerners who join the fight in Syria

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Sources: US considering new relief mission in Iraq

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Shooting by 9-year-old girl stirs debate over guns

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
US to consider spousal abuse in immigration claims

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

UK sex abuse report prompts outrage, reflection

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Dad acquitted in slaying of driver who killed sons

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Q&A: Few laws govern children at shooting range

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
.

Opinion

 
Signs of possible healing in Ferguson

By Jay Ambrose | From Page: A11

Editorial Cartoons: Aug. 28, 2014

By Kim Durbin | From Page: A11

 
Let’s improve entertainment control units

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A11

.

Living

Community Calendar: Aug. 28, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
.

Entertainment

.

Sports

Fuld’s homer in 9th lifts A’s over Astros 5-4

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Posey hits game-ending 2-run homer for Giants

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Maria Sharapova comes through in 3 sets at US Open

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Raiders rookie QB Derek Carr to start vs. Seahawks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
IndyCar sets April 12 New Orleans date

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

No. 23 UNC suspends 4 players for opener

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Clippers sign Doc Rivers to 5-year extension

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Cal needs more from its running game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Stanford’s Kevin Hogan a ‘stabilizing agent’ at QB

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Chicago’s Little League champs return as heroes

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
NFL suspends Browns star WR Gordon for 2014 season

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Keenum, Savage to settle Texans’ backup QB duel vs. 49ers

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
USC’s Shaw admits to lying about injuries, rescue

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Raiders hope rebuild pays immediate dividends

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
After trio of near misses, 49ers chase Super Bowl

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

.

Business

US economy forecast to grow by 1.5 percent in 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

 
Reports: FBI probes JPMorgan hack

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

Time Warner Cable says outages largely resolved

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
Video games come of age as spectator sport

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

Malaysia Airlines set for shakeup after disasters

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
IMF chief Lagarde under investigation in France

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

SEC adopts rules on loan-backed securities

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
Stocks drift higher; S&P 500 holds on to 2,000

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

.

Obituaries

Fernanda Dee Villarosa

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Herman P. Sorensen

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Lyle R.C. Cullum

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
Frank W. Moy Jr.

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Gary Allen Person

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8