Thursday, September 18, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Back when I secretly admired ‘Farrah’

wade kelvin column sig copy

By
From page A11 | February 13, 2014 |

We all know Valentine’s Day is annoying if you’re single. It’s a Hallmark-created “holiday,” designed to get us to shell out for jewelry, flowers, candy and cards. But Valentine’s Day provides the perfect cover to let your crush know how you feel.

Three decades ago when I was a sophomore at Armijo High School, I had secret crushes on various girls. Like Charlie Brown with the little red-haired girl, I was too terrified to approach them. The fear was getting shot down like Farmer Ted in “Sixteen Candles.”

One day a girl with long, flowing, dirty blonde hair, looking like Farrah Fawcett straight from the famous poster, walked into my history class. In fact, to protect her identity we’ll call her “Farrah.” I couldn’t even hear the teacher over the chorus of angels singing whenever I gazed at Farrah.

It just so happened that Farrah and I attended the same church and Bible class. So after admiring her from afar in school, I was able to admire her on Sundays, too.

Summoning up my courage, I found Farrah’s phone number in the church directory and decided to call her. She answered and I quickly chickened out of revealing my identity. I claimed to be a secret admirer and, for some reason, she stayed on the line and chatted. We began talking every day on the phone, with her clueless that I was the big black guy two desks over and sitting next to her in Sunday school. This went on for weeks.

I was catfishing before catfishing was a thing. Today they have laws keeping people like me from contacting girls like this, but this was 1982 and I was free to be my own Cyrano de Bergerac.

Whenever I had to speak in school or Sunday school, I had to disguise my voice in Farrah’s presence lest my secret be exposed on the spot.

I confided in two friends of mine, Joe Barbour and Don Spering, that I liked Farrah. Don attended the same church and knew Farrah. He also knew some anonymous guy had been calling her. They pressed me on the issue and I admitted it was me and that I’d reveal my identity in due time.

The next day at school, while walking from the annex to A-wing between classes, I spotted Farrah walking about 20 feet in front of me. Suddenly, Don and Joe appeared on either side of me, grabbing my arms. To my horror they yelled, “Farrah, here he is!” She turned around almost in slow motion, her baby blue eyes locking on mine and a smile broadening across her face.

This is the part where I tell you that she dropped her books and came running to me like Bo Derek in “10” and I shrugged off my traitorous friends and embraced her in a long, slow kiss, with our classmates encircling us, applauding and sobbing. But the truth is we didn’t talk any more after that. She just wasn’t into me.

A while ago I caught up with Farrah on Facebook and she vaguely remembered the episode way back when. We laughed about it. Then she blocked me online and served me with a restraining order.

I’m kidding!

Though I didn’t end up dating Farrah, it was fun while it lasted. So go ahead and take a chance on romance this Valentine’s Day. Just don’t do the anonymous call thing because that’s creepy. Peace.

Kelvin Wade is the author of “Morsels” Vols. I and II and lives in Fairfield. Email him at kelvinjwade@aol.com.

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

 
Theatre DeVille in Vacaville closes

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A1, 9 Comments | Gallery

 
Focus on school attendance now, always

By Mayrene Bates | From Page: A2

 
Lunafest returns to Fairfield in November

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

Pepperbelly’s for sale

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3, 1 Comment

 
Jury selection begins in 2011 Fairfield murder trial

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3

Seniors get help at Kroc Center health fair

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Drug court success stories tell their tales

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Suisun City Senior Center seeks holiday donations

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
Weather for Sept. 18, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B10

 
Fairfield police log: Sept. 16, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

Suisun City police log: Sept. 16, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

 
.

US / World

Emotions mount on final day of Scottish campaign

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Maps provide early warning of California fire risk

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

More than 2,000 homes threatened in California fire

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
NASA’s Maven spacecraft reaches Mars this weekend

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

US military role in Iraq raises combat questions

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Police: Ambush suspect was military re-enactor

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment | Gallery

House grudgingly approves arms for Syrian rebels

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

 
Ex-VA doctor: Phoenix report a ‘whitewash’

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

School district police stock up free military gear

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Doctor says Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has cancer

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

US scientist: Ebola unlikely to become airborne

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Liberia president praises US for Ebola help pledge

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Obama reaffirms opposition to US combat in Iraq

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

 
AP Interview: Iraq premier says no foreign troops

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

.

Opinion

 
Give new crime report a chance

By Kelvin Wade | From Page: A7, 11 Comments

 
Homeless find welcome in Vallejo

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7, 7 Comments

 
.

Living

Today in History: Sept. 18, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Sept. 18, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

Horoscopes: Sept. 18, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A9

 
My brother fails to make an effort to when it comes to my kids

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A9

.

Entertainment

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
U2 returns to iTunes Top 100 — 26 times

By Los Angeles Times | From Page: B4

Directors Guild finds TV diversity hiring stalled

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
.

Sports

Rodriguez gets 1st MEL soccer win since return to league

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B1

 
Giants snap tie in 9th, beat Arizona to narrow gap in West to 2

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
49ers’ Kaepernick fined for inappropriate language

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Barry Bonds appeal heads back to court

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
NFL, union agree to new drug policy, HGH testing

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Raiders rookie Derek Carr focuses on job at hand

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Pegulas’ bid to buy Bills OK’d by NFL committee

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

FSU benches Winston for 1st half of Clemson game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Umpire West suspended 1 game for grabbing jersey

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

After making ‘mistake,’ Vikings bench RB Peterson

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Sharks sign D Braun to 5-year, $19 M extension

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Rockets acquire Jason Terry, picks from Kings

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Panthers remove DE Greg Hardy from active roster

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

.

Business

Fed signals plan to keep key rate at record low

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Brown signs ride-sharing insurance legislation

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

US homebuilder confidence soars in September

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Anthem, hospitals join to offer new insurance plan

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

Drag queens dress down Facebook over names

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Wells Fargo pays $290,000 in sex harassment case

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

.

Obituaries

Margaret King

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9