Tuesday, January 27, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

You need a shrink, Charlie Brown!

charlie_brown_adult_simple_funny_wallpapers_II-s1280x800-108310-580

By
From page A2 | December 24, 2012 |

This is Dr. Marcie Franklin, recording the progress of my patient Charlie Brown after our therapy session of 12/24/2012.

Mr. Brown first came to me about six months ago and while the problems he initially complained about seemed routine on the surface, after numerous weekly sessions I now believe he is seriously psychotic.

Mr. Brown first displayed symptoms of bullying. He complained of low self-esteem and also showed signs of paranoia. A constant refrain he used was, “Why is everybody always picking on me?”

A particular injurious name that many bullies call him is “blockhead.” It is ironic in that Mr. Brown’s rather large cranium is not block-like at all, but instead resembles a globe. Of Jupiter.

I first began to have serious concerns about Mr. Brown when we delved into what I call, “The Snoopy Delusion.”

Evidently, Mr. Brown has a pet beagle to which he ascribes behavior that is not possible. In addition to sleeping on top of his doghouse, pretending he is a World War I pilot and typing a novel, Snoopy also supposedly plays shortstop on the Little League team. These are, of course, hallucinations.

One thing that is not a hallucination is a certain female named Lucy Van Pelt. She is the focal point of much of Mr. Brown’s stress and repressed anger. She calls him names, belittles him and regularly tricks him into attempting to kick a football, then moves it away at the last second, resulting in him falling on his head. I believe that Mr. Brown has incurred numerous concussions, which have exacerbated his delusions of Snoopy. A brain scan is scheduled.

As if that wasn’t enough, I just found out this past week that the same Lucy who has tormented Mr. Brown for years also pretends to listen and then give him advice for a nickel. I have notified the American Psychiatric Association, who I am confident will do an investigation of her unlicensed psychiatric services.

I have regularly advised Mr. Brown to try to get out of his own head and maybe take up a hobby like having a local musician named Schroeder teach him to play piano or perhaps doing some community service by helping his apparently homeless neighbor Pig Pen . . . all to no avail.

Mr. Brown does have a best friend, in fact his only friend, Linus, who is ironically Lucy’s younger brother. He has proved to be a stabilizing influence. Of course Linus has his own issues, such as constantly sucking his thumb, carrying around a security blanket and believing in the Great Pumpkin, but in Mr. Brown’s case when it comes to friends, beggars can’t be choosers.

At our session today, he recounted what happened last Saturday. Evidently he was to help put on a Christmas play and yet when he got there, all the people were doing strange dances, which he described with some difficulty. One he said appeared to be a “Zombie MC Hammer.” I’m only speculating, but the people in question could be in a cult and/or on drugs.

The crass commercialism of the Christmas season began to get to him and more than just a reaction to it, I believe it was a search for meaning in his own life. Linus responded to a query about what Christmas was all about by quoting from memory the section in the Gospel of Luke that depicts the birth of the baby Jesus.

Thereafter, ridicule that Mr. Brown had received for choosing a less-than-stellar Christmas tree faded away and the neighborhood bullies suddenly decorated the tree and began to sing together. It was the first time I have seen Mr. Brown smile as he recounted the story.

While on the surface it seems like a breakthrough, I thought it was my duty to help Mr. Brown face certain realities he conveniently chooses to ignore. Like that fact that he is a 62-year-old man who dresses as a child and wears the same clothes every day. And that when authority figures speak to him, they sound like muted trombones yet he somehow understands them.

I am prescribing a cocktail of anti-psychotic medications.

Fairfield writer Tony Wade says “Good Grief! Have a Merry Christmas!” Reach him at kelvinsbrother@sbcglobal.net.

Tony Wade

Tony Wade

Tony Wade is the slightly older yet infinitely more handsome brother of long-time DR columnist Kelvin Wade
LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | 2 comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Mike kirchubelDecember 24, 2012 - 10:49 am

    Good stuff. Got the Coasters reference. Not many of us Coaster fans left, Daddyo.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Dawn La BarDecember 24, 2012 - 11:57 am

    What a gem, Tony. Though I was hoping you were able to delve into Peppermint Patty's friend's (can't remember her name- probably on purpose) obsession with her 'Naturally Curly Hair', so I could then maybe understand some of my own issues.... Perhaps in your next sessions. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

    Reply | Report abusive comment
.

Solano News

 
Health officials report 1st Solano flu death

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A3, 5 Comments | Gallery

 
 
 
American Legion Post schedules head-shaving fundraiser

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A6

Rush Ranch seeks docents

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A2

 
Dramas, thrillers lead week’s box office openings

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B8

Vacaville Toastmasters welcome guests

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A6

 
Kroc Health Fair offers free screenings

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

 
Chipotle fundraiser to benefit Armijo newspaper

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

Vacaville council eyes earlier start time

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page:

 
.

US / World

Facebook suffers outage affecting users worldwide

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Private wells in California farm area show high uranium

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
 
Law enforcement wants popular police-tracking app disabled

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Cuban youth build secret computer network despite Wi-Fi ban

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Seekers of the Hollywood Sign disrupt nearby neighborhood

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
2 small planes crash-land off Hawaii; all aboard survive

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Report: State worker sent alarming notes before gun arrest

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
 
Dwindling group of survivors to mark Auschwitz 70 years on

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2, 1 Comment | Gallery

New Jersey’s Christie launches political action committee

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
US drone strikes resume in Yemen despite turmoil

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Monster snowstorm swirls into densely populated Northeast US

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Man takes responsibility for drone over White House

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
.

Opinion

 
.

Living

Community Calendar: Jan. 27, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
.

Entertainment

Petty earns writing credit for Sam Smith’s ‘Stay With Me’

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
National Cowboy Poetry Gathering begins in northeast Nevada

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Trainor and Styles write a duet about heartbreak

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Emma Watson to star in live-action ‘Beauty and the Beast’

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
SAG Awards win sends ‘Birdman’ Oscar hopes soaring

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Cumberbatch says sorry for calling black actors ‘colored’

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
A murder at the edge of the world takes ‘Fortitude’ to crack

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

Lawyers: Melissa Rivers files lawsuit in mother Joan’s death

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3, 2 Comments | Gallery

 
Sundance Watch: ‘Cobain’ premieres, women talk Hollywood

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

TVGrid Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
.

Sports

Manfred knows he’ll get hit as commish _ his name is on ball

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
NASCAR to leave championship format unchanged in 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Kobe Bryant to have shoulder surgery, likely out for season

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Tim Brown hopes 6th time is charm in Hall of Fame vote

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Raiders sign Charles Woodson for 2015 season

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Rams notify St. Louis they’ll go year-to-year on dome lease

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Gamecocks still No. 1; Chattanooga joins women’s hoops poll

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Scott Dixon shines in masterful final drive in Rolex win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
LeBron, Cavs climb in standings, back in title conversation

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Capitals among East contenders; West race too tight to call

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Playoff not interested in moving semis of New Year’s Eve

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Fireworks help celebrate Venus Williams’ Australian Open run

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
US women to host New Zealand, Ireland, Mexico, South Korea

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

NBA D-League All-Star events set for Feb. 15 in Brooklyn

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
AP Source: Los Angeles Kings release Mike Richards

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Hope Solo could be left off US World Cup roster

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
.

Business

Employers: Agreement made on key issue in port labor dispute

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Lyft cars doing away with pink furry mustache

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4, 1 Comment

 
Hard Rock (again) dips toe into Atlantic City casino market

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

US stock market finishes with small gains

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
IBM disputes report that big layoffs coming

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Union says California Kaiser nurses reach contract agreement

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Boeing, SpaceX will beat Russia on price for astronaut rides

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

CBO: Deficit to shrink to lowest level of Obama presidency

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Eurozone looks for dialogue after stunning Greece elections

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

S&P downgrades Russia credit rating to junk

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
.

Obituaries

Donald Wesley Johnson

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Rose is Rose Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Get Fuzzy Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Beetle Bailey Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
B.C. Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Cryptoquote Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
For Better or Worse Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Dilbert Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Bridge Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Garfield Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Crossword Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Baby Blues Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Pickles Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Sally Forth Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Baldo Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Wizard of Id Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Word Sleuth Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Frank and Ernest Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Sudoku Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Blondie Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Zits Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Peanuts Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4