Tuesday, September 2, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

You need a shrink, Charlie Brown!

charlie_brown_adult_simple_funny_wallpapers_II-s1280x800-108310-580

By
From page A2 | December 24, 2012 |

This is Dr. Marcie Franklin, recording the progress of my patient Charlie Brown after our therapy session of 12/24/2012.

Mr. Brown first came to me about six months ago and while the problems he initially complained about seemed routine on the surface, after numerous weekly sessions I now believe he is seriously psychotic.

Mr. Brown first displayed symptoms of bullying. He complained of low self-esteem and also showed signs of paranoia. A constant refrain he used was, “Why is everybody always picking on me?”

A particular injurious name that many bullies call him is “blockhead.” It is ironic in that Mr. Brown’s rather large cranium is not block-like at all, but instead resembles a globe. Of Jupiter.

I first began to have serious concerns about Mr. Brown when we delved into what I call, “The Snoopy Delusion.”

Evidently, Mr. Brown has a pet beagle to which he ascribes behavior that is not possible. In addition to sleeping on top of his doghouse, pretending he is a World War I pilot and typing a novel, Snoopy also supposedly plays shortstop on the Little League team. These are, of course, hallucinations.

One thing that is not a hallucination is a certain female named Lucy Van Pelt. She is the focal point of much of Mr. Brown’s stress and repressed anger. She calls him names, belittles him and regularly tricks him into attempting to kick a football, then moves it away at the last second, resulting in him falling on his head. I believe that Mr. Brown has incurred numerous concussions, which have exacerbated his delusions of Snoopy. A brain scan is scheduled.

As if that wasn’t enough, I just found out this past week that the same Lucy who has tormented Mr. Brown for years also pretends to listen and then give him advice for a nickel. I have notified the American Psychiatric Association, who I am confident will do an investigation of her unlicensed psychiatric services.

I have regularly advised Mr. Brown to try to get out of his own head and maybe take up a hobby like having a local musician named Schroeder teach him to play piano or perhaps doing some community service by helping his apparently homeless neighbor Pig Pen . . . all to no avail.

Mr. Brown does have a best friend, in fact his only friend, Linus, who is ironically Lucy’s younger brother. He has proved to be a stabilizing influence. Of course Linus has his own issues, such as constantly sucking his thumb, carrying around a security blanket and believing in the Great Pumpkin, but in Mr. Brown’s case when it comes to friends, beggars can’t be choosers.

At our session today, he recounted what happened last Saturday. Evidently he was to help put on a Christmas play and yet when he got there, all the people were doing strange dances, which he described with some difficulty. One he said appeared to be a “Zombie MC Hammer.” I’m only speculating, but the people in question could be in a cult and/or on drugs.

The crass commercialism of the Christmas season began to get to him and more than just a reaction to it, I believe it was a search for meaning in his own life. Linus responded to a query about what Christmas was all about by quoting from memory the section in the Gospel of Luke that depicts the birth of the baby Jesus.

Thereafter, ridicule that Mr. Brown had received for choosing a less-than-stellar Christmas tree faded away and the neighborhood bullies suddenly decorated the tree and began to sing together. It was the first time I have seen Mr. Brown smile as he recounted the story.

While on the surface it seems like a breakthrough, I thought it was my duty to help Mr. Brown face certain realities he conveniently chooses to ignore. Like that fact that he is a 62-year-old man who dresses as a child and wears the same clothes every day. And that when authority figures speak to him, they sound like muted trombones yet he somehow understands them.

I am prescribing a cocktail of anti-psychotic medications.

Fairfield writer Tony Wade says “Good Grief! Have a Merry Christmas!” Reach him at kelvinsbrother@sbcglobal.net.

Tony Wade

Tony Wade

Tony Wade is the slightly older yet infinitely more handsome brother of long-time DR columnist Kelvin Wade
LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | 2 comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Mike kirchubelDecember 24, 2012 - 10:49 am

    Good stuff. Got the Coasters reference. Not many of us Coaster fans left, Daddyo.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Dawn La BarDecember 24, 2012 - 11:57 am

    What a gem, Tony. Though I was hoping you were able to delve into Peppermint Patty's friend's (can't remember her name- probably on purpose) obsession with her 'Naturally Curly Hair', so I could then maybe understand some of my own issues.... Perhaps in your next sessions. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

    Reply | Report abusive comment
.

Solano News

Labor Day not a holiday for everyone

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Labor Day breakfast introduces union-backed candidates

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Pool provides last dose of summer fun in the sun

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
SafeQuest schedules peer counseling training course

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A5

Labor Day sees more Solano freeway crashes

By Glen Faison | From Page: A5

 
Fairfield police log: Aug. 31, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

 
Suisun City police log: Aug. 31, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

Suisun City police log: Aug. 30, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

 
Fairfield police log: Aug. 30, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

.

US / World

VP Biden says workers deserve ‘fair share’

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Obama: ‘Revving’ economy calls for higher wages

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Senegal monitors contacts of 1st Ebola patient

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
San Francisco to be 1st to test urban farming law

By The Associated Press | From Page:

GOP challenger tries novel tactics against Brown

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Texas’ Perry says disparaging tweet unauthorized

By The Associated Press | From Page:

US eating habits improve a bit – except among poor

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
No gray area: Beliefs shape views of Brown killing

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Americans detained in North Korea call for US help

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Iraqi prime minister pledges to root out militants

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Poland’s PM: Ukraine’s war must be stopped now

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Pro-Russian rebels lower demands in peace talks

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

US helicopter crashes in Gulf of Aden; all rescued

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
.

Opinion

.

Living

Community Calendar: Sept. 2, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page:

 
.

Entertainment

Inquiries begin into nude celebrity photo leaks

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
‘Guardians’ tops Labor Day, summer box office

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A11

 
.

Sports

Kirk rallies to win the Deutsche Bank

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Rockies top Giants after losing end of suspended game

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Dunn homers in 1st at-bat as A’s top Mariners

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Right guard Boone passes physical, rejoins 49ers

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Raiders name rookie Derek Carr as starting QB

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Armijo beats Vanden 2-0 to claim All-City boys soccer title

By Brian Arnold | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Armed with new deal, Chiefs’ Smith looks forward

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Column: Stewart’s Chase status doesn’t matter

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Raiders ink CB Dowling, 9 others to practice squad

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Serena Williams, Djokovic roll to US Open quarters

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Houston Astros fire manager Bo Porter

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Hamels, 3 Phillies relievers no-hit Braves

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
.

Business

Markets drift as Wall Street has day off

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Austerity debate flares as Europe recovery fades

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Civil disobedience expected in fast-food pay fight

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Beetle Bailey Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Zits Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Wizard of Id Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Sally Forth Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Bridge Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Blondie Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Rose is Rose Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Get Fuzzy Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Sudoku Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
B.C. Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Baldo Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Frank and Ernest Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Crossword Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Dilbert Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

For Better or Worse Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Peanuts Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Cryptoquote Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Garfield Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Word Sleuth Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7