Thursday, September 18, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

What happened to Flight 370? I have some theories

stanhope column sig

By
From page A2 | April 06, 2014 |

It’s one of the greatest puzzles of the past century, ranking with the disappearance of Amelia Earhart, the identity of the Zodiac killer and the continuing popularity of country music: What happened to Malaysian Airlines Flight 370?

The governments of the world want us to believe their story – that it crashed somewhere in the Indian Ocean with no survivors.

Sure, that works for most people, but not for an intrepid columnist who has seen enough movies to know that something else really happened.

What? Well, I’m not sure, but I have six theories:

Theory 1: The plane broke through the time-space continuum, landing in 1814 in a place where something of historical significance was taking place, since that’s what happens in movies.

The leading candidate? New Orleans, where Col. Andrew Jackson was leading the American army against the British, who were hoping to take back their former colony.

Ever wonder how the outmanned U.S. Army defeated the Brits? Maybe a huge airplane landed in an area populated by the Brits, who broke away in a dead sprint and ran down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico, as reported in the song “Battle of New Orleans,” which is responsible for everything I know about that event.

Theory 2: It’s simple when you think about it – it was a Malaysian Airlines plane. Mal means bad. Asia means Asia. What’s the baddest Asian country right now? North Korea.

Boom. The plane is in North Korea.

Theory 3: The plane never existed. This is an elaborate gag, using computer-generated images, special graphics, hand puppets and some cunning mimics.

Had you heard of Flight 370 before it “disappeared?” Nope. Me neither.

In the age of social media stunts and attempts to sway public opinion, might some group be using this to promote a new TV show or website? Would you be surprised if the plane is suddenly “found” and the “passengers” are the first guests on a new late-night TV show or a pay-to-view website? Flight 370? Come on. IT WILL BE SHOWN ON CABLE CHANNEL 370, PEOPLE!

Theory 4: Christopher Columbus was wrong – the Earth is flat. For years, pilots and ship captains participated in a mass conspiracy about a “round world” by telling passengers that they could “circumnavigate the globe” and that China, for instance, is on “the other side of the world” from the United States.

The reality? The Earth is flat. And the pilot of Flight 370 – like dozens of captains of ships in the Middle Ages – simply went off the edge.

Theory 5: Industrial espionage. After 100 years, surviving railroad and passenger ship tycoons had enough and decided to “send a message” to the upstart aviation industry.

A flight disappears. The mystery deepens. Passengers are afraid that it might happen to them. What comes next? Suddenly, people are using railroads and huge ships to travel across the country and across oceans. And somebody who looks like the Monopoly man sits in his big leather chair, rubs his hands together and contemplates the next step.

Theory 6: While flying over the vast emptiness of the Indian Ocean, Flight 370 suffered major mechanical failure and was forced to land on a deserted island, where seven lonely castaways resided.

The castaways were on a three-hour tour that went horribly awry and lived on the island for years, led by an angry skipper and a smart scientist.

Once everyone was safe, the castaways and the passengers began working on an escape plan that involved coconuts, an exercise bike and a clothesline. Ultimately, the passengers will be rescued, but the castaways will be left to hear the latest stock market news on a transistor radio.

Reach Brad Stanhope at 427-6958 or bstanhope@dailyrepublic.net. Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/bradstanhope.
Brad Stanhope

Brad Stanhope

Brad Stanhope is the Daily Republic's news editor. He began his career at the DR in the last millennium. He spent 17 years as a sports editor and three years as the associate editor before spending three years away from the newspaper (though continuing as a columnist). He returned in December 2010 as news editor. Brad lives in Suisun City with his wife, Mrs. Brad, and two sons. He enjoys cheese.
LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | 23 comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Rich GiddensApril 06, 2014 - 12:33 am

    I have a theory. This is a tragic repeat of history, specifically Egypt Air flight 990 where a crazed Muslim kills everybody on board. Am I allowed to say that?

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • NeelApril 09, 2014 - 11:16 pm

    I feel like this is a new war to Iran, because there was 2 passenagers in the flight 370 who got in with fake passports the news saying those 2 passengers are from Iran, online news also saying it could be hijack by those 2 passengers, where it makes it easier for some country to enter for a search of flight 370 in case their hiding it in Iran. Thats stupid excuse to enter Iran but soon or later war will start in Iran by powerful countries. I am just guessing all this. thx

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • WeaverwomanApril 06, 2014 - 6:48 am

    Mr. Stanhope, The lose of Flight 370 is presently an on-going situation that is affecting a huge amount of people and resources. I am quite surprised you are making light of this tragedy.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Whats This AboutApril 06, 2014 - 7:24 am

    I actually do have a sense of humor, but this is stupid!

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • DApril 06, 2014 - 8:00 am

    This is in low taste and just down right poor taste. I wonder if the families of the missing see the same humor I do... It's not funny at all.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Sharon McDanielApril 06, 2014 - 8:04 am

    Wow, I was shocked. I guess if it were your family on that flight you wouldn't make a joke of this. Unbelievable. Whats next jokes about Sandy Hook. Shame on you.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • P.J.April 06, 2014 - 8:20 am

    Not funny, Brad...not one bit funny. Actually, I found it rather stupid. How about apologizing to the readers in your next column, for your lack of sensitivity and common sense.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • GdubApril 06, 2014 - 9:04 am

    Wow, local news must REAL slow for the DR to publish this article which reads like a smart-a** high school creative writing essay. Really?!?!

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • RobApril 06, 2014 - 9:04 am

    Brad a Person of your intellect should at least be aware about the sensitivity and seriousness of this event, there are lives involve and the amount of international effort is being poured into this, not to mention the pain and anger of the families waiting for a slight hope that their love ones can still be with them and yet for you to write a tabloid like theories about this terrible event is appalling and will just harbor resentments why daily republic did not even discussed with you about printing your article!

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Outraged ReaderApril 06, 2014 - 9:22 am

    You're a NEWS EDITOR? How in the world did you get that job?

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • MDSApril 06, 2014 - 10:54 am

    Yeah, really stupid column. I have as much of a sense of humor as the next guy but making fun of so many lost lives in a newspaper it just stupid.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • FDCApril 06, 2014 - 12:28 pm

    'Tain't funny, McGee. Suggest you publish an apology.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • dApril 06, 2014 - 2:44 pm

    Typical Daily Republic garbage, not poor judgement, zero judgement! .....Brad should resign along with his "boss" ....Glenn for allowing this to be published.....?

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • DonaldApril 07, 2014 - 8:43 am

    Too soon.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Rich GiddensApril 06, 2014 - 12:42 pm

    Leave Brad alone. This sounds like my brand of sophmoric insensitive macabre humor.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Brad Vant HulApril 06, 2014 - 4:01 pm

    What were you thinking (or not thinking) to make fun of a tragic loss of life. Families are in mourning knowing nothing of what became of their loved ones. You owe readers an immediate apology. I've never witnessed such complete lack of judgement in a column and editorship to allow it.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Mr. SmithApril 06, 2014 - 6:45 pm

    Ok. Let's agree that Brad's column was ill-advised. However, I'll consider his previous 51 weeks worth of great humor and insight into our daily lives before calling for his head on this one. Lighten up, people. He and the DR will handle this one well, in my estimation. For crying out loud--we have gun-toting hoodlums running rampant in this town, gang-bangers, drug sellers and addicts all over the place, grafitti everywhere, homeless people fouling our public places, people getting shot all over town--and Stanhope's column triggers more citizen outrage on this board than our current living conditions? GMAB.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Interested ReaderApril 06, 2014 - 9:53 pm

    Exceedingly bad taste. Did you read the article on Page A12 before coming up with this offensive attempt at humor? http://www.dailyrepublic.com/usworld/airasia-withdraws-inflight-magazine-says-sorry/ I know that we can be excessive at times on political correctness, but wow... really?

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • D . BrownApril 06, 2014 - 10:38 pm

    Sad

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Gerald EtkindApril 07, 2014 - 4:35 pm

    Let me guess ... on Sept 12, 2001 you published a hilarious column about the passengers on United Airlines flight 93 complaining that they wanted to crash into a more valuable target. Keep up the good work!

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • DrApril 09, 2014 - 11:43 pm

    It is not at all clear to me how this article is 'insensitive', 'in poor taste' etc. It is hilarious! Why? Because he is pointing out how incredibly stupid so much of the absolute, cooked-up, conspiracy theory garbage is that has filled the internet over the past month regarding this event. This is satire. It is not making light of the event itself but the ridiculous, dumb, rascist, xenophobic claptrap that has gurgled out of the mouths of the world's citizens - many of whom, so far as I can tell, were in positions which meant that they could have, and should have, done a whole lot better.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • FDCApril 10, 2014 - 6:32 am

    Dear "Dr": You mean: "Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • BaseballmomApril 16, 2014 - 7:19 am

    Thank you Dr. Finally, someone who actually "gets it."

    Reply | Report abusive comment
.

Solano News

 
Suisun council candidates all voice business-friendly platforms

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Theatre DeVille in Vacaville closes

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A1, 4 Comments | Gallery

Focus on school attendance now, always

By Mayrene Bates | From Page: A2

 
Pepperbelly’s for sale

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3

Jury selection begins in 2011 Fairfield murder trial

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3

 
Seniors get help at Kroc Center health fair

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Drug court success stories tell their tales

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Suisun City Senior Center seeks holiday donations

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

Lunafest returns to Fairfield in November

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
Weather for Sept. 18, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B10

 
Fairfield police log: Sept. 16, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

Suisun City police log: Sept. 16, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

 
.

US / World

Emotions mount on final day of Scottish campaign

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
More than 2,000 homes threatened in California fire

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Maps provide early warning of California fire risk

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
House grudgingly approves arms for Syrian rebels

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Ex-VA doctor: Phoenix report a ‘whitewash’

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
School district police stock up free military gear

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment | Gallery

NASA’s Maven spacecraft reaches Mars this weekend

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
US military role in Iraq raises combat questions

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Police: Ambush suspect was military re-enactor

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
AP Interview: Iraq premier says no foreign troops

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Doctor says Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has cancer

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
US scientist: Ebola unlikely to become airborne

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Liberia president praises US for Ebola help pledge

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Obama reaffirms opposition to US combat in Iraq

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

.

Opinion

 
Give new crime report a chance

By Kelvin Wade | From Page: A7, 5 Comments

 
Homeless find welcome in Vallejo

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7, 6 Comments

 
.

Living

Today in History: Sept. 18, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Sept. 18, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

Horoscopes: Sept. 18, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A9

 
My brother fails to make an effort to when it comes to my kids

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A9

.

Entertainment

U2 returns to iTunes Top 100 — 26 times

By Los Angeles Times | From Page: B4

 
Directors Guild finds TV diversity hiring stalled

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
.

Sports

Giants snap tie in 9th, beat Arizona to narrow gap in West to 2

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
49ers’ Kaepernick fined for inappropriate language

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Rodriguez gets 1st MEL soccer win since return to league

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B1

 
Umpire West suspended 1 game for grabbing jersey

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
After making ‘mistake,’ Vikings bench RB Peterson

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Sharks sign D Braun to 5-year, $19 M extension

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Rockets acquire Jason Terry, picks from Kings

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Panthers remove DE Greg Hardy from active roster

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Barry Bonds appeal heads back to court

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

NFL, union agree to new drug policy, HGH testing

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Raiders rookie Derek Carr focuses on job at hand

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Pegulas’ bid to buy Bills OK’d by NFL committee

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
FSU benches Winston for 1st half of Clemson game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

.

Business

Brown signs ride-sharing insurance legislation

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
US homebuilder confidence soars in September

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

Anthem, hospitals join to offer new insurance plan

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Drag queens dress down Facebook over names

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

Wells Fargo pays $290,000 in sex harassment case

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Fed signals plan to keep key rate at record low

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

.

Obituaries

Margaret King

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9