Our national nightmare is finally over. With emphasis on “night.”
Because daylight saving time is back and should be permanent! The pro-darkness fanatics would prefer to keep me quiet, but I won’t back down.
This issue is too important!
The 18-week period of darkness we just finished (why is it called “standard” time, when it makes up just 34 percent of the year?) should really be called “daylight wasting time.” Because that’s what it does – it takes sunlight that should be used in the early evening and moves it to the morning, when we don’t really need it. Who would rather have it light at 6:30 a.m. when it could be light at 6:30 p.m.? Nobody.
I believe the government has no business making a decision that steals time from me – or at least daylight. Since we just ended a 126-day stretch of wasting daylight, I believe I’m owed 126 hours of sunlight by our leaders. That’s right – five days and six hours of sunlight that somehow was misspent in the morning hours. I expect them to find a way to make it right. I’m willing to take money if that’s all they can do.
As long as they get rid of the “standard time” hokum forever.
This isn’t a new argument, by the way. I’ve made this argument before. Over and over and over. (A quick check shows that I mentioned it in 2013, twice in 2012, 2011, 2010, 2007, 2006, twice in 2005 . . . Seriously. You think it’s easy to come up with column topics? It’s not . . . unless you recycle them.)
That we deliberately manipulate our clocks in November to make it get dark earlier at night makes no sense to me – we compound our depression that comes with winter by making it gloomy and dark at 4:30 p.m. It’s almost like anti-depressant manufacturers paid off the government and are using daylight wasting time to move more of their product.
I just floated a conspiracy theory that includes the makers of antidepressants and our government leaders. Seems crazy . . . but WHAT IF IT’S TRUE?!?
I know the silly arguments that the pro-darkness people make: that “studies show” that we use more energy during daylight saving time, that it wasn’t widely introduced in the United States until the 1970s, that they love to take their antidepressants from the second week of November until the second week of March.
The energy claim is false. Trust me. I read that on the Internet.
The “we didn’t really use it until the 1970s” argument is specious. We also didn’t use roll-on deodorant or microwave ovens until the 1970s and do you want to go back to how it used to be? Forget about it.
Besides, the idea of daylight saving time goes back to Benjamin Franklin, who also is a Founding Father. You don’t like daylight saving time? You don’t like America. There. I said it.
So let’s celebrate that our clocks are back to what they’re supposed to be. I stand by that: Centuries ago, man randomly assigned times to the day – “noon,” “midnight,” “2 p.m.” and “8:15 a.m.,” for instance. When he did that, he was off by an hour – a mistake that remained until President Ford corrected it in his infinite wisdom in 1974. Three decades later, George W. Bush expanded it to the current 34 weeks a year. Now it’s time to make it year-round.
No more daylight wasting time.
Because I love America. And I want my 126 hours back.
Let’s quit wasting daylight. Let’s stop messing with our clocks. And let’s shut down Big Darkness, the anti-daylight saving time lobby.
Although that will steal an annual column idea – or two – from me.
Reach Brad Stanhope at 427-6958 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/bradstanhope.