Saturday, September 20, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

The Last Laugh celebrates 7 years

tony wade column sig

By
From page A2 | April 07, 2014 |

The Last Laugh turns 7 this month! I appreciated the decorative bunting the Daily Republic hung outside its Texas Street office in celebration. Giving free bobble head dolls of me wearing a No. 7 Oakland Raiders jersey to all subscribers was also nice (but Kyle Boller? Really? How about Steve Beuerlein at least?).

I think making all their regular employees wear incredibly lifelike whole-head rubber masks of my face while at work was a bit much, however.

Anyway, to celebrate, this column is all about the number 7.

7 years of confidence: Since I have been doing this now for seven years, I think it’s time I changed my email address. My original one, kelvinsbrother@sbcglobal.net, was just to show who I was, the older sibling of longtime, respected Daily Republic opinion columnist Kelvin Wade. I am now confident and can stand on my own two feet and will use kelvinscoattails@gmail.com instead.

7 years old: When I was 7 years old and in the first grade, I learned a hard lesson about people. A parent of a classmate had a bag full of Looney Tunes puppets that were part of some promotion and I think they worked for the company or something. Each kid in my class reached into a bag and you got whatever puppet you picked. I got a Wile E. Coyote one and was thrilled. At recess, I stupidly put my puppet on top of a mobile clothes closet and when I came back, it was gone. These were just molded plastic heads of Looney Tune characters attached to basically a small trash bag, but still I was crushed. I found one on eBay for $4.99 and was tempted to buy it to soothe my inner child of that trauma. What would feel better, though, would be to discover who stole my puppet and punch them in the stomach. Seven times.

Seven of Nine: I watched “Star Trek: Voyager” from the first episode and was a fan. Then, when ratings started to slip, they added the character Seven of Nine, often just called Seven, played by Jeri Ryan, who wore a uniform so tight it appeared to be body paint. The Star Trek purist in me was irritated by how many bandwagon fans the show then got. My eyes were also irritated because I never blinked for fear of missing a second of that uniform.

7th Grade: The only thing I remember from the physical science class I had at Grange Intermediate (besides Tami Anderson’s Ditto jeans) was when the teacher, Mr. Jones, taught us an acronym to remember the seven colors in the light spectrum that make up a rainbow. Roy G. Biv was the acronym and stands for red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. Turns out there is a real Roy G. Biv and he is gay so that helps even more.

Seven is how many pull-ups I did when we had that dreaded annual physical fitness test in P.E. during my school years. I mean for all 12 years. While saying that is a tad embarrassing, it is way better than saying I averaged 0.583333333333333333 pull-ups annually from first grade to high school.

The Seven Deadly Sins are: wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and being a Niners’ fan.

The Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television, George Carlin’s classic comedy bit, in 2014 would just be four. I would list the ones you can now say on TV, but you can’t say any of them in newspapers. That is, unless you cleverly conceal them somewhere in the text as I have with this column. If you find all seven, you will win a free bar of “A Christmas Story” Life Buoy soap to wash your mouth out with.

 7th song: One of my favorite rock guitarists, Steve Vai, always has an unbelievable instrumental as the seventh song on his albums. In 2000, he released the album “The 7th Song,” which was a collection of all his seventh songs. When I listened to “Melissa’s Garden,” the seventh song on that album made up of seventh songs, my head exploded. Consequently, I now wear one of those whole head rubber masks of my mug.

Thanks to all seven regular readers!

Reach Fairfield writer Tony Wade at kelvinsbrother@sbcglobal.net.

Tony Wade

Tony Wade

Tony Wade is the slightly older yet infinitely more handsome brother of long-time DR columnist Kelvin Wade
LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | 13 comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Jeri Ryan 7 of 9 from Star TrekApril 07, 2014 - 8:06 am

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8gkmebN1tc

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Lust (7 Deadly Sins)April 07, 2014 - 6:00 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6zKFXTshIs

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Traveling Wilburys - 7 Deadly Sins - LyricsApril 07, 2014 - 6:06 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prp3ikGKzc0

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Pet Shop Boys - It's A SinApril 07, 2014 - 6:12 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-4gAetwNkw

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Fats Waller- It's a Sin to Tell a LieApril 07, 2014 - 6:15 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw9462hZGBc

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Eddy Arnold - Don't Rob Another Man's CastleApril 07, 2014 - 6:22 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZODsHq6-dFs

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954)April 07, 2014 - 6:30 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7OJs10y5t0

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Spring, Spring, Spring - Seven brides for seven brothersApril 07, 2014 - 6:34 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXCBt6wb5Pk

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Hive Full Of Honey - Calamity JaneApril 07, 2014 - 6:41 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uz-zsBwBe6M

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Doris Day ~ Catch The BouquetApril 07, 2014 - 6:42 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kvVfBIobzo

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • NFSD Jeni LeGon, Bill Robinson and Fats Waller Perform, "Living In A Great Big Way"April 07, 2014 - 7:10 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnGd6Gns4Is

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Judy Garland & Gene Kelly - Ballin' the JackApril 07, 2014 - 7:20 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWryDF_yyH0

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Ain't Misbehavin' Savin' all my Celebratin' 4 U Tony !April 07, 2014 - 7:29 pm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVgL4LJi4Ww

    Reply | Report abusive comment
.

Solano News

 
Memorial focuses on hope, healing from addiction

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

Solano jobless rate drops, jobs rise

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A1, 1 Comment

 
Vacaville High graduate shines at tech event

By Brad Stanhope | From Page: A2

 
New law aimed at urban water district reports

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

Travis celebrates KC-10′s 20 years at base

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Highway 37 detours in place

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

 
 
Maintenance begins on Rio Vista Bridge Sunday

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

Mother gives late daughter a voice by helping others

By Susan Winlow | From Page: B8, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
 
Fairfield police log: Sept. 18, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

Suisun City police log: Sept. 18, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

 
.

US / World

Record-setting retardant used on California fire

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Brown vetoes diaper changing-station bills

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

Oakland mother charged in cocaine death of son, 2

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 3 Comments

 
UC campus chancellors granted hefty pay raises

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 5 Comments

California school gender equity ruling upheld

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
State to ban smoking at home day cares

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

Driver of stolen van that hit dog gets prison time

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 4 Comments

 
License plate scanner networks capture movements

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

Feds approve California’s immigrant license words

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
California man accused of killing fellow gym-goer

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

Fence-jumper makes it into the White House

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
Florida town knew shooter had troubled past

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Daughter calls Utah doctor a monster at sentencing

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
3 guilty in Ga. salmonella-tainted peanut trial

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Fierce fighting in Yemeni capital kills 120

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Sierra Leone begins 3-day Ebola lockdown

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Ambush suspect could be aided by dense woods

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
France joins US against Islamic State over Iraq

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10, 2 Comments

After vote to stay in UK, Scots must heal divide

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
.

Opinion

Lots of services available for Solano veterans

By Ted Puntillo | From Page: A8

 
Cheers, jeers for the week of Sept. 14-20, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: A8

Editorial cartoons for Sept. 20, 2014

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Fairfield Ford boosts animal adoption efforts

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 1 Comment

.

Living

Today in History: Sept. 20, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Sept. 20, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

Horoscopes: Sept. 20, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A7

 
Make sure you get educated during Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A7

 
.

Entertainment

 
Fallon to pay up, broadcast show in Chicago

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B9

 
.

Sports

Legs power Mustangs in win over Falcons

By Nick DeCicco | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
A’s Lester holds Phillies to 5 hits in 7 innings in 3-1 victory

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Big plays in second half lift Vanden past Center

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B1

Gordon has suspension reduced to 10 games

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
After NFL, baseball addresses domestic violence

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Goodell: ‘Same mistakes can never be repeated’

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Kershaw gets 20th win as Dodgers pound Cubs 14-5

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Raiders could be down 2 starters on defense

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Sharks open with new vibe after playoff collapse

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

49ers’ Davis, McDonald questionable for Sunday

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Stewart slogs through tough day at New Hampshire

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Rio Vista gets easy football win over Delta

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

 
Keselowski wins pole at New Hampshire

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

This date in sports history for Saturday, Sept. 20, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
.

Business

Pabst Brewing to be sold to Russian company

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4, 1 Comment

 
China fines GlaxoSmithKline $492M for bribery

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Procter & Gamble cancels on-field NFL promotion

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4, 1 Comment

 
California adopts olive-oil labeling standards

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4, 1 Comment

Yahoo rakes in another jackpot from Alibaba’s IPO

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Alibaba stock soars in jubilant trading debut

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

The Kuro taste: Peppery tang and hint of squid ink

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
.

Obituaries

Charles Randolph Orr

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
Corazon Libunao Thompson

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

Allie M. Zell-Jones

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
George Junior Rhode

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

.

Comics

Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

 
Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

 
.

Home Seller 09/20/14

Average US 30-year mortgage rate at 4.23 percent

By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR2

New Standard Pacific models in Vacaville

By Daily Republic | From Page: HSR3

Real estate transactions for Sept. 20, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: HSR3