Bad news for Miley Cyrus and Lindsey Lohan: They are less popular than dog poop or cockroaches.
At least if my memory of seventh-grade math is right.
The observation is based on the results of the greatest public opinion survey ever – a poll of 502 people by Public Policy Polling in early October in which respondents were asked whether they had a higher opinion of Congress or other things.
According to the poll, people have a higher opinion of Congress than they do of Cyrus (46 to 31 percent), Lohan (40 to 36 percent), Vladimir Putin (49 to 28 percent), heroin (53 to 24 percent) and twerking (37 to 33 percent).
That’s good. But on the other hand, people have a higher opinion of dog poop than they do of Congress.
It’s true – by a margin of 47 to 40 percent, according to pollsters. Same thing is true of hemorrhoids, by a margin on 53 to 31 percent.
Can you imagine having a higher opinion of hemorrhoids than anything? Really? You think more highly of hemorrhoids (which I have to check every time before I spell it) than you do of Congress? Talk about an image problem!
What does that say to Miley Cyrus and Lindsey Lohan?
Here’s what: They’re less popular than dog poop or hemorrhoids.
People prefer dog poop to Congress, but Congress to Cyrus. They prefer hemorrhoids to Congress, but Congress to Lohan.
If my memory of seventh-grade math is correct, the transitive property of equality (if A is greater than B and B is greater than C, then A is greater than C) proves that people think more highly of dog poop than Lohan, Cyrus or even Putin (which is funny, because “Putin” sounds like a euphemism for dog poop).
If you’re Miley Cyrus, how would you like that? More importantly, do I need to keep this information from my dog?
The survey was conducted, to be fair, in the first week of the federal government’s partial shutdown, when Congress was at its lowest point. In it, we discovered that people think more highly of toenail fungus and jury duty than Congress.
But do you know what we should admire? The polling company that came up with this idea!
Public Policy Polling must have had quite a brainstorming session to come up with a list of things to compare with Congress: Ebola virus? Sure – Congress wins, 47 to 28 percent.
Heroin? Sure. Congress beat it by a 53-24 margin (making me wonder who made up the 24 percent who think more highly of heroin. Perhaps Kurt Cobain or Janice Joplin impersonators?).
Here’s the thing: Our elected representatives have been held in low esteem my entire adult life, but still get re-elected at a 90 percent rate. Maybe that makes sense, because my dislike of my dog’s poop doesn’t change the rate at which she keeps “putin,” either.
It’s easy to hate Congress, but in real life, I can’t say I have a higher opinion of toenail fungus than the deliberative body. It seems the early October poll just measured our anti-Congress, anti-Miley Cyrus and anti-twerking backlash.
A year from now, will we be looking at an anti-dog poop backlash? Or will the Ebola virus finally overtake Congress in the popularity ratings?
I can’t wait for the update.
It must be awesome to be a pollster.
Reach Brad Stanhope at 427-6958 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/bradstanhope.