Tuesday, November 25, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Some stray ideas I herded together

tony wade column sig

By
From page A2 | December 17, 2012 |

I’ve had people ask me how I come up with column ideas and the usual answer is, “I stole it from a 1974 Mad Magazine.” Other times, ideas just come to me and I flesh them out.

Sometimes promising ideas become horrible columns. I used to delete those until I discovered I could still publish inferior columns in the Daily Republic under my pseudonym: “Brad Stanhope.”

Still other times, ideas are just not long enough for a whole column. Such as the following:

British invasion collaboration: I watched some of the Sandy benefit concert last week and it rekindled an idea I had. Keith Moon and John Entwhistle, the drummer and bass guitarist for The Who, are both deceased. John Lennon and George Harrison, the rhythm and lead guitarists for the Beatles, have also now joined the supergroup in the sky.

My idea is for the surviving members of The Who, Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend, team up with Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr to form The WhoBeatles. They could combine hit songs, including “Won’t Get Fooled on the Hill Again,” “Baba O’Riley’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” and “Boris the Spider Wants to Hold Your Hand.”

Memory embellishment: It’s funny how when you tell a story a number of times it starts to get embellished. For example, I remember the first time I ever saw Beth Stevens – now my wife of nearly 18 years. It was in church on Sunday, Dec. 5, 1993. When I laid eyes on her, “I’ve Been Waiting for a Girl Like You” by Foreigner began playing in my head.

The first time Beth saw me, cartoon hearts danced merrily around her head in time to the Hallelujah Chorus. When she got to know me months later, she gave up an opportunity she’d been offered to teach at Harvard to stay with me.

Actually, Beth’s first reaction to me was that my big head was blocking her view of the preacher. Oh, and she did give up a teaching job to stay with me but, uh, not exactly at Harvard.

To seal or not to seal: I have contacted my congressman about introducing legislation to make resealable containers available only for appropriate items. The french fries I get from the supermarket are not sold in a resealable bag, but should be. The tube socks I get from the department store are in a resealable bag, but shouldn’t be. In a related cause, I would urge for making the act of putting your socks back into a resealable bag, washed or not, to be a crime. You’re welcome.

Man card revocation habeas corpus: I think it is un-American to revoke someone’s Man Card for a violation without the opportunity to defend yourself. When I admitted that I not only liked the chick flick “Beaches” but (gulp) owned the soundtrack, I took my punishment, well, like a man. But for me to again get dinged for liking “Legends of the Fall” is just not right. I mean, it has Brad Pitt literally cutting his brother’s heart out of his chest and later scalping people – not a chick flick. I demand my day in Man Card court!

Facebook comedian: I told my wife a joke recently based on a Facebook post by George Takei. It was Wednesday (12/12/12) and National Mike Check Day – “1-2-1-2-1-2.” It elicited a chuckle from her and gave me the brain sprinkle to become the world’s first Facebook stand-up comedian.

I don’t mean to be a comedian who performs on Facebook, but one who “borrows” all his material from postings on the social network site. I print out funny pictures and sayings, blow them up to poster size at Fed Ex Kinko’s and then just hold them up on stage. After debuting my act on open mike night at Pepperbelly’s I discovered:

1. Cat pictures that are funny on your computer screen aren’t necessarily funny on a placard.

2. People in the balcony can’t see pictures from the stage.

3. Describing the pictures doesn’t help.

4. There’s a reason no one tried this before.

5. It is really easy to bat items thrown at you with a huge placard.

Reach Fairfield writer Tony Wade aka Brad Stanhope at kelvinsbrother@sbcglobal.net.

Tony Wade

Tony Wade

Tony Wade is the slightly older yet infinitely more handsome brother of long-time DR columnist Kelvin Wade
LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Soroptimists seek award applicants

By Glen Faison | From Page: A5

 
Science comes to library – for all to see

By Glen Faison | From Page: A5

Nichols plans free family concert in Napa

By Glen Faison | From Page: A7

 
Library schedules soap-making program

By Glen Faison | From Page: A5

Church’s holiday soiree on Vacaville calendar

By Glen Faison | From Page: A7

 
Vacaville PD seeks VIPS program volunteers

By Glen Faison | From Page: A5

 
 
Volunteers help Mission Solano pack for food giveaway

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: | Gallery

 
Fairfield police log: Nov. 23, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A9

Fairfield police log: Nov. 22, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A9

 
Suisun City police log: Nov. 23, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A9

Suisun City police log: Nov. 22, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A9

 
.

US / World

Incumbent Democrats lose in 2 close California Assembly races

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
VA fires Phoenix hospital director

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Iraqi troops take 2 towns from Islamic State group

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Iran nuclear talks stumble, extended until July

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Brown names assistant US attorney to high court

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Driver fatigue may have caused California crash

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2, 1 Comment | Gallery

Israel resumes razing homes to punish attackers

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2, 2 Comments | Gallery

 
GOP wisdom shifts on immigration

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2, 6 Comments | Gallery

Under pressure, Hagel steps down as Pentagon chief

By Maureen Fissolo | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
No charges in Ferguson case; chaos fills streets

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2, 45 Comments | Gallery

.

Opinion

 
Senate staff cuts reduce transparency

By Dan Walters | From Page: A8

.

Living

Community Calendar: Nov. 25, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
.

Entertainment

‘Wizard of Oz’ Cowardly Lion costume fetches $3M

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Miller puts own spin on longtime ‘GH’ character

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

‘Today’ looks to rebound from tough week

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Review: Turmoil helps AC/DC shine on new album

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Guitarist: Leon Russell band’s instruments stolen

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Sting tries to help his ailing Broadway musical

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

In wake of Spotify pullout, music industry debates streaming

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Bill Weir’s new CNN series to begin in 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

TVGrid Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
.

Sports

Forsett leads Ravens past Saints, 34-27

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Bills rout Jets 38-3 in rescheduled game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Even top NFL teams have taken steps back

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Aldon Smith helps lead in 49ers’ 3rd straight win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Rod Streater returns to practice for Raiders

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Taylor apologizes, won’t appeal NBA suspension

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Johnson, Martinez, Smoltz on Hall of Fame ballot

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
No. 1 Kentucky gives Kansas a Top 25 tumble

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

LeBron on Cavaliers’ issues: “I stink”

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Police: Manziel’s entourage attacked fan at hotel

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Giants set record with $388,606 postseason shares

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Longtime NHL coach, executive Pat Quinn dies at 71

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Pablo Sandoval reaches multiyear deal with Red Sox

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
San Francisco turning to groundwater for its taps

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

South Carolina the new No. 1 in AP women’s hoops

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
.

Business

Budweiser gives Clydesdales holiday pink slip

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4, 3 Comments

 
Redbox raising DVD rental rates by 25 percent

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

New FDA rules will put calorie counts on menus

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Unidentified country likely behind spying software

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Honda admits failing to report deaths, injuries

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
United Technologies CEO retires, succeeded by CFO

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Nike extends contract with USOC through 2020

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
High-end home sales surge in Southern California

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Rose is Rose Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Peanuts Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Pickles Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Sally Forth Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Get Fuzzy Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Bridge Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Sudoku Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Cryptoquote Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Garfield Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Frank and Ernest Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Wizard of Id Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Word Sleuth Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Crossword Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Baby Blues Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

For Better or Worse Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Dilbert Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Blondie Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Zits Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Beetle Bailey Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
B.C. Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Baldo Nov 25

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4