Time once again for my own version of the Daily Republic’s Saturday editorial page feature: Cheers & Jeers.
Cheers to “Cheers,” the TV show about the bar where everybody knows your name. One of my favorite episodes was when Norm walked in and everyone said, “NORM!” Diane complained that no one ever did that when she entered so they said they would. She exited, and when she entered everyone yelled, “NORM!”
Jeers to rude pedestrians (in my experience, often teenagers) who can’t be bothered to press the freakin’ button that tells them when it’s safe to cross the street. A double jeer to teens who don’t press the button and compound their asininity by sauntering. A triple-decker jeer to teens who don’t press the button, saunter like moronic sloths and have their pants around their ankles.
A cheer-within-a-triple-decker jeer for my clever use of the underused word “asininity.”
Cheers to the funny dream I had, where local pioneer Capt. Robert Waterman didn’t name this city Fairfield, but instead named it after himself. Thus we were not Fairfielders, but Watermaniacs. Fittingly, instead of The Waving Chief Solano Statue in front of the old county library, there was a 12-foot-tall likeness of Aquaman.
Oddly enough, his backside, like the chief’s, was bare.
Now, unless you have a Technicolor dreamcoat or are a 19th century Austrian with the unfortunate first name of Sigmund, keep your amateur analysis of my dream to yourself.
Cheers to members of the “I Grew Up in Fairfield Too” (affectionately known as IGUIFT) Facebook group, who continue to inspire me. We recently held our second online T-shirt fundraising campaign using CustomInk’s Booster program. We designed the T-shirt (navy with the iconic Fairfield arch sign on the front), promoted the sale for two weeks and sold 165 shirts. We will soon receive them in the mail and our chosen nonprofit, Solano Family & Children’s Services, will receive $1,450.54.
Cheers to more IGUIFT news: our first downtown cleanup effort was a smashing success, thanks to about 20 volunteers and to the assistance of Ray Courtemanche of the Matt Garcia Foundation, who brought supplies and helped.
Jeers to all the cigarette butts on the street we found. Nasty. Also, who the heck left a wig on Webster Street?
Cheers to even more IGUIFT news: At 6:30 p.m. Oct. 3 at the Downtown Theatre (formerly the Fairfield Center for Creative Arts), we are having our second movie night. It will be a 1949 double feature as we present as the opener, “Fairfield-Suisun, California 1949,” which features wonderful shots of the local area including footage shot from a plane flying over Fairfield’s downtown.
The feature presentation will be the locally filmed “All the King’s Men,” which won three Academy Awards including Best Picture. Donations are being accepted at the event to benefit the Downtown Theatre Foundation for the Arts.
Cheers to the Daily Republic for printing letters that are critical of the paper, such as someone calling it the “Almost Daily Republic” when they ceased publication of the Tuesday edition. That shows journalistic integrity. Now, if I were the editor and someone wrote a critical letter about me, I would still print it, but it would look like this:
Tony Wade is so boring, always talking about that Fairfield Facebook group! If you got rid of him, it would be awesome! Sincerely, Phineas Q. Snodgrass III
Jeers to people who complained about the Daily Republic ceasing publication of the Tuesday edition for missing the silver lining. On Mondays, the DR now prints the comics and crossword puzzles for Monday AND Tuesday!
A jeer-within-a jeer because the Tuesday crossword is not located on the right side of the paper like Mondays where I can fold it neatly and work on it in
the bathroom my personal morning library. It’s located in the middle so I have to awkwardly fold the paper like some sort of newsprint brochure to do the crossword and I shan’t stand for such barbarism much longer.
Cheers to my splendid use of the underused word “shan’t.” Ditto cheers for my use of the underused word “splendid.”
Reach Fairfield writer Tony Wade at firstname.lastname@example.org.