“Look, I don’t care what you say,” Malcolm said. “That movie makes no sense whatsoever.”
“What?” George said. “How is it possible not to like ‘Grease’?”
“As I said, it makes no sense. I mean, some rocker dude meets a pure Aussie chick he likes, but can’t get with because she ain’t cool,” Malcolm said. “Then she becomes a tramp and everyone is suddenly happy.”
“This is why I requested not to have to work with you again,” George said, popping a square of nicotine gum into his mouth and chewing furiously. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. ‘Grease’ is brimming with deep themes.”
“Puh-leez! ‘To-get-the-guy-you-want-that-will-later-knock-you-up-then-disappear-you-must-change-from-a-virgin-to-a-tramp?’ Is that one of the “deep themes” you’re talking about?” Malcolm said, punctuating the words “deep themes” with exaggerated finger quotes.
“You are such a simpleton. You oughtta take a film class or two – you might learn something,” George said. “Transformation is one of the main themes. It’s represented by the changes in the car Greased Lightning and by Sandy. The car goes from hoopty to hot rod and Sandy goes from fitting into the image of what her sexually repressed 1950’s society told her she had to be and who she really was. She didn’t become a tramp, she just embraced her status as a sexy, empowered young woman.”
“ ‘Sexy, empowered young woman’ is just code for a tramp. What kind of message is that for today’s youth? It’s filth like ‘Grease’ that has sent morals right down the toilet!” Malcolm said. “I mean, what is it with the lyrics to that song, ‘Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee?’ How can you be ‘lousy with virginity?’ Virginity is a bad thing now?”
“Allow me to enlighten you,” George said. “Sandra Dee was seen as a phony by many late 1950′s-era teens that hated phoniness. That theme was fully explored in the character of Holden Caulfield in J.D. Salinger’s book ‘The Catcher in the Rye.’ Sandra Dee played the perfect, wholesome teen in Hollywood movies, but because of childhood abuse was anorexic and alcoholic in real life. In ‘Grease,’ Sandy’s conflict was becoming outside who she already was inside and not being phony.”
“OK, I am willing to concede that maybe there was some depth there that I somehow missed, but can you please explain how at the very end Danny and Sandy are driving Greased Lightning and all of sudden they start flying like it’s ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’?” Malcolm said.
“Ever heard of symbolism? Sheesh! It’s romantic! They are finally together and fly off into the sunset to live happily ever after,” George said.
“I get driving off into the sunset, but the freakin’ car starts to fly! And all their friends, from Frenchie to Kenickie, just wave them off like it’s the most natural thing in the world,” Malcolm said. “A flying car in a ‘Harry Potter’ film makes sense, a flying car in ‘Grease’ does not.”
“Can we just agree to disagree? We did this same thing with ‘Saturday Night Fever’ the last time we worked together and it was exhausting,” George said. “When I see ‘Grease,’ I see the struggle of sexuality against Puritan mores and love conquering all. You just see kids mooning and flying cars. Do you at least like the soundtrack?”
“I love it! See? We can agree!” Malcolm said.
The laugh they shared stopped abruptly as it was time to work and they snapped into action. In a flash both took aim and fired precise head shots to boss Carmine Lugetti and his entire crew as they exited Sal’s Italian Restaurant. Although they were six stories down and across the street, within seconds all 13 men were dead without one bullet missing its mark.
As the assassins removed the silencers off their high-powered rifles and began putting them in their cases, Malcolm said, “I have to admit, even though your taste in movies is suspect, we do work well together.”
“You might even say we go together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga don,” George said.
“Don’t push it,” Malcolm said.
The preceding was Fairfield writer Tony Wade’s attempt at a Quentin Tarantino homage (rip-off). Reach him, Tony, not Quentin, at email@example.com.