Emptying out my columnist notebook in anticipation of 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick ripping off a mask today to reveal that he’s really Joe Montana with speed.
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From the world that gave us “Cupcake Wars,” “The Apprentice,” “Redneck Island” and “The Great Food Truck Race” comes the next great thing in reality TV.
A competitive taxidermy show!
Seriously. We are four weeks away from the debut of “Immortalized,” on AMC.
According to AMC’s website, “Immortalized” will “bring viewers into the captivating and provocative world of creative and competitive taxidermy.”
Each episode of the program will feature four “highly regarded immortalizers” against a challenger.
It’s competitive taxidermy. On TV.
There are, of course, the four regulars on the show: A “rogue” (Whether she’s just a rebel or practices rogue taxidermy – where you create animals that aren’t found in nature – is unclear), a hip-hop music fan with a mohawk (What? That’s just too crazy!), a mainstream artist who says “hard work will outshine work created by a ‘rogue’ artist” and a fan of freak shows who wears a top hat.
Yes! A top-hat-wearing, freak-show fan who stuffs animals.
It’s about time that competitive taxidermy goes mainstream, and since I’ve long suggested to Mrs. Brad that I would like to be stuffed and displayed at Casa de Stanhope in the event of my untimely demise, there’s a possibility I could make an appearance on a future show. Hopefully well in the future. And hopefully I’ll be stuffed by the top-hat guy.
Until then, we’ll have to muddle through with weekly competition among elite taxidermists. I’m all in.
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I love the fact that Solano and Yolo counties plan to name a “farmbudsman” to help farmers navigate the sometimes-complex permit process.
I’m a longtime advocate of combining words. I cheer words like “infotainment” “turducken” and “blaxploitation.” To have a governmental agency do it? Splendid.
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Lance Armstrong is like a guy who cheats on his wife for a decade while denying it ferociously when confronted. Finally, after years of threatening those who suspected him, he admits it.
And then wants to know why he just can’t move past it. He admitted it and apologized. It’s in the past.
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I don’t blame the Ohio teacher who said she’s entitled to coverage under the Americans With Disabilities Act because she has a fear of younger children.
She was moved from teaching high school to middle school, which stressed her out and led to her premature retirement, she says.
I, also, am afraid of middle-schoolers.
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I think it’s unfair that people insist on giving telephone numbers in a three-digit, four-digit format. Why? And why don’t we say “dash” in the middle, since we have to say “dot” in an Internet address?
Next time someone asks my work phone number, I’ll say 4276 958. Or if they insist, I’ll say “four two seven dash six nine five eight.”
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My grocery store now advertises “hybrid” sushi. In other words, it’s part sushi, part something else.
Years ago, that would have been strangely scientific, like Frankensushi. But now, with the popularity of hybrid cars, it seems environmentally friendly.
If the people who gave us “pink slime” had thought of that, they could have saved themselves some trouble.
It’s not meat with pink slime, it’s “hybrid beef.”
Reach Brad Stanhope at 4276-958 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/bradstanhope.