‘Unofficial bridesmaid’ didn’t get invited to the bridal shower

Q: I never got an invitation to my friend’s bridal shower, despite the fact that she dubbed me an “unofficial bridesmaid.” How should I address the situation without making a scene?

A: Before you freak out, this may just be a matter of your invitation getting lost in the mail or the bridesmaids assuming that you knew you were invited (and therefore not bothering to send out an invite).

So before you worry the bride – she may feel embarrassed if she finds out what happened – the best way to get to the bottom of it is to ask the maid of honor or another bridesmaid about it and see how she responds.

If it looks like the worst-case scenario and you were left off the guest list, then it may be time to calmly bring it up with your friend. Just let her know how much you’ve been looking forward to being at the party.

Is it OK to have more than 10 bridesmaids?

Q: I’m fortunate to have many close friends. Is it OK to have more than 10 bridesmaids?

A: You can, but you may not want to. Things can get out of hand if the wedding party is too big.

Before you start making those calls to your friends, you should take into account the size of your ceremony site. Will everyone fit up front? Consider the logistics, too, like finding a dress style (or even a few styles) that
10 women will like. That process alone could put a strain on even the closest of friendships.

However, the number of bridesmaids you have is solely up to you. If you want all of those friends standing next to you at the wedding, so be it.

Another thought: You can have your bridal party walk in the procession and then simply sit in the first row. (Or you may want to have just the maid of honor and the best man stand up with you and your groom.) This way, everyone gets honored and it won’t get too crowded at the altar.

We’re pretty sure your friends won’t complain about being able to sit comfortably during the ceremony!

Must there be a receiving line?

Q: Do we have to do a receiving line?

A: Of course not – but you do have to personally thank every single guest for coming to your wedding.

Receiving lines help you get this out of the way early on, so you can relax and enjoy your party later.

If you’re really against the idea, you should instead take some time at the reception to go around to each table. That way, you won’t feel rushed to get through a long line of people waiting to get to the party.

Carley Roney, co-founder and editor in chief of The Knot, the nation’s leading wedding resource, advises millions of brides on modern wedding etiquette at www.theknot.com. Got more questions? Visit www.theknot.com/askcarley for 800-plus answers on all things wedding.