FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA

State, national lifestyle columnists

When someone seeks revenge

By From page A2 | April 30, 2014

When someone lashes out at you because they are seeking revenge, it can be very scary. Resentment and anger can turn some people into evildoers, and they think they are completely in the right. They do not think about the damage they are doing to the bystanders – sometimes including their own children. When vengeful people want to get back at an ex or someone they believe has mistreated them, all reason goes out the window and they may become blind with rage.

If this is something you are dealing with, please be careful. This type of anger can be very dangerous for both you and your loved ones. You may get abused, threatened, stalked, or terrorized, yet you may think there is nothing you can do about it. You need to know that help is out there.

Talk with a lawyer and the police, and don’t be afraid to make a report. Also don’t be afraid to say that you are afraid. If you don’t take this seriously, the authorities won’t either. The actions I mentioned above are all crimes, and you deserve and can receive protection. Unfortunately, sometimes people do their best to make their perceived offender’s life miserable – they even try to destroy it – and never stop to think that they are committing a crime.

One of the worst parts of going through something like this is the anxiety and depression it can cause. It can be very difficult to shake off, and you may find yourself ruminating on how your life has taken such a bad turn or on what else could go wrong. This is the time when you need to get support, and you need to remember to eat well and drink plenty of fluids.

Finding ways to relax and center yourself, if only for a few moments, can be very helpful. It helps to take a few moments and remember the positives in your life, you should also take a break from thinking about it a few times every day. Deep breathing is another helpful tool and should not be underrated. To make it more effective, when you inhale, hold your breath for three seconds before exhaling. Take these breathing breaks throughout the day, and they will give you some relief.

Talking out your feelings is also very important. You can’t sit on a bunch of emotional distress and not have it affect you and your loved ones. Your loved ones are going to be affected by your situation, and you need to do your best to minimize the fallout. Using your mate as a therapist is probably not the best idea, because he or she is also dealing with the same issues, just at a different level. I strongly urge you to talk with a licensed professional who has some experience helping people cope with the kind of difficulties you are going through.

The old saying “This too shall pass” is an important one to remember as you fight this battle. Trust that you have done nothing wrong, and focus on the good that is going on around you. In time, your life will be normal again.

Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, is the author of “The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.” Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @BartonGoldsmith, or email him at [email protected]

Barton Goldsmith

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