Saturday, August 30, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

What to do when someone hurts you

By
From page A2 | January 15, 2013 |

What do you do when someone goes out of the way to hurt you? It could come in the form of harsh words or deeds or even a lawsuit. Some people just need to lash out if they feel that they have been slighted in some way, shape or form.

There may be no good way of talking with an angry person. If it becomes a legal matter, a discussion outside of a lawyer’s office or a courtroom may be forbidden. In personal matters, the protagonist may refuse to communicate, leaving you to simply wonder at what he or she may be thinking, feeling or planning on doing. The feelings of fear and doubt within you rise, perhaps to the point where it becomes difficult to focus on daily tasks.

When someone we care about, or even someone with whom we have a passing friendship, gets mad at us, it can shatter our inner world. This is even more profound if the person is someone with whom we are intimate. Highly sensitive people can be affected so deeply that they are unable to function normally and life can become very burdensome.

If this is something that has happened to you, please know that there are things you can do about the problem (even in the case of legal matters). The first thing you have to remember is that you are OK right at this moment. Once you take that in, you can then begin to see what your options are, and that does depend on the person who is projecting anger onto you.

Do everything you can to communicate with this person and ask what it was that was so upsetting. If the other person doesn’t have a specific answer, there may be longer-term issues at play, and those should be put on the table for discussion, if possible.

The truth is that we all make a misstep every now and then, and sometimes the people in our lives get unintentionally squashed. If an apology is called for from either party, don’t debate it, but go ahead and get it over with. Sometimes all you have to do is own it and say the words to make most of the bad feelings go away.

If the other person is unwilling to give or accept an apology and would prefer to stay mad instead of resolving the issue, you might consider bringing in someone else to talk about it. I have worked with people who brought their friends to their personal therapy sessions so that they could get issues worked out with the help of a third party.

When no resolution is available, you have to rely on your own mind and heart to lead you. If you know you did nothing wrong, or that the mistake was unintentional, then you need to forgive yourself and the other person, so you can move on. If someone is unwilling to heal interpersonal issues, they usually aren’t the type of person you need to have in your life anyway.

Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, is the author, most recently, of “100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence – Believe in Yourself and Others Will Too.” Email him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.

Barton Goldsmith

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Clarksburg family rolls with times

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1, 3 Comments | Gallery

 
Fresh, fruity, summer and fall Delta pitstops

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1

Saving the Gakuen: A bit of history tucked away in Clarksburg

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Old, new collide in Freeport

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1

Vacaville honors top crossing guards

By Brad Stanhope | From Page: A2

 
 
 
State lifts Solano moth quarantine

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A3, 1 Comment

 
Gallo subsidiary wins bid for Winterhawk Winery

By Barry Eberling | From Page: B10, 3 Comments | Gallery

Fairfield police log: Aug. 28, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

 
Suisun City police log: Aug. 28, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

 
The Leaven helps reach at-risk kids

By Murray Bass | From Page: B12

No plea as suspect in Suisun slaying appears in court

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A12, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Weather for Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B13

.

US / World

Man is guilty of murder after his dogs kill woman

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 3 Comments

 
California teacher reprimanded for sending tweets

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

N. California officer accused of beating woman

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

 
California appeals teacher tenure ruling

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Lawmakers pass first California groundwater rules

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 4 Comments

 
Lawmakers send gun restraining order bill to Brown

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

California marijuana grow stole reservation water

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Feds critical of California twin tunnel project

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 3 Comments

California mentally ill inmates get special units

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Marathon bombing suspect: Delay trial until 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Border Patrol agent fires at armed militia member

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

 
1K-pound alligator caught in Alabama sets record

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Manatees may lose endangered species status

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Westerners linked to extremist groups in Syria

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8

Rescuers locate 20 of 24 trapped in Nicaragua mine

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8

 
At heart of Syria fears, extremists returning home

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8

Experimental Ebola drug heals all monkeys in study

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8

 
.

Opinion

 
Zombies are not for fun

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A11, 9 Comments

 
Cheers, jeers for the week of Aug. 24-30, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: A11

Editorial Cartoons: Aug. 30, 2014

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A11

 
.

Living

Today in History: Aug. 30, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Aug. 30, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

Our irresponsible sister is getting the house and mistreats Mom

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B7

 
Horoscopes: Aug. 30, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B7

.

Entertainment

Ex-Myanmar beauty queen accused of stealing crown

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8, 1 Comment

 
Chris Brown due back in DC court for plea hearing

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

Fire destroys house on late author Clancy’s estate

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
Chelsea Clinton quits as NBC News reporter

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9, 1 Comment

Daughter: Joan Rivers is in ‘serious condition

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
Hip-hop moves as strong force for Michael Brown

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

Cee Lo Green enters no contest plea in drug case

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9, 1 Comment

 
.

Sports

 
No. 11 Stanford set to open season vs. UC Davis

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

After eventful offseason, Northwestern meets Cal Bears in opener

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
49ers linebacker Aldon Smith suspended by NFL

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Prep volleyball: Vacaville Christian falls to D-I power Davis

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

 
JC women’s soccer: Solano kicks off season with 0-0 draw

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

 
Raiders face decisions at QB heading into opener

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Palmer opens with a 63 to lead in Boston

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Pernice, Bryant share Champions Tour lead

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

I.K. Kim increases Portland Classic lead

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
A’s fall back in AL West, blanked by Angels

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

Posey goes 5 for 5 in 6 innings, Giants rout Brewers

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

 
Errani’s ‘cottage cheese’ serve tops Venus at Open

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

 
This date in sports history for Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

Tony Stewart back at the track, looking to heal

By The Associated Press | From Page: B13

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

Florence Virginia Boes

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
Darrell D. Stevens

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

.

Comics

B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
.

Home Seller 08/30/14

Real estate transactions for Aug. 30, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: HSR2