Thursday, September 18, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

What can I do to get my brother to keep in touch?

Dear Annie: Several months ago, my husband and I moved to the Ozarks after falling in love with the area. We left behind a lot of dear friends and the life we had known for 25 years, but we are quite happy here.

The only sadness is my brother. He and his wife still live in the town we left. When I told him we were moving out of state, he said we shouldn’t because of our health issues. Yet when I had two major surgeries, he never once bothered to drive the five minutes to the hospital or come by my house afterward. He is retired and sits around the house watching TV. He never offered to help us pack for the move or assist in driving our truck, and I really wanted him to see our new home.

In the nine months we have lived here, my brother has not called one time. I phoned on his birthday and for holidays. Each time, he said he was “thinking of calling.” My husband and I have no children. My brother is my only family. He told me a few years ago that he is depressed. I am sure it began when his best friend died. He did get medication from his doctor, but it obviously did little good.

I am hurt that my big brother has written me off. We never got together much when we lived in the same town, but at least he would call once in a while and come by for coffee on occasion.

I have decided that the next move is up to him. My husband has been supportive, but even he does not know how badly I am hurting. He doesn’t have any siblings. I know of nothing that will make my brother call me, so I can only sit here and hope. Any suggestions? — Hurting Little Sis in Branson, Mo.

Dear Hurting: You are expecting a great deal from a brother who apparently suffers from depression and has never been particularly good at staying in touch. He may believe you abandoned him by moving away. In most sibling relationships, one sibling is better at maintaining ties. It’s your choice whether to continue to initiate contact, but we hope you will. We think he misses you, even though he doesn’t show it the way you’d like.

Dear Annie: “Concerned Old Man in West Hills” doesn’t understand why it is rude to tell his niece that she is fat. I have a different perspective. If the niece was a slim girl up to a point and then started to pack on the pounds, she may have been sexually abused. The weight is an unconscious attempt to appear less attractive.

I was abused when I was 7 years old. I gained weight and wore shape-blurring clothing because I wanted to be invisible. My family members labeled me lazy and said I didn’t care about my appearance. Every bite of food came with scrutiny from tablemates. I knew I was an embarrassment to my family.

If you see this sort of transformation in a close friend or family member, be kind. If you can do so in a gentle way, ask us why we seem to be sad and withdrawn. — Grandma Whose Inner Child Is Shattered

Dear Grandma: Thank you for mentioning this possibility. Many abused children, both male and female, react by “hiding” themselves in this way. We hope family and friends will pay attention to these changes and see what’s really going on.

Dear Annie: Your response to “Bob in North Carolina” hit the target dead center. It’s a shame that so many of the young women with whom I work do not see themselves in this light. They flaunt their sexuality instead of their know-how in the work environment. What a shame people still think like this. — Proud of Who I Am, Not What I Show

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

 

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Suisun council candidates all voice business-friendly platforms

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Theatre DeVille in Vacaville closes

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Focus on school attendance now, always

By Mayrene Bates | From Page: A2

 
Pepperbelly’s for sale

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3

Jury selection begins in 2011 Fairfield murder trial

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3

 
Seniors get help at Kroc Center health fair

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Drug court success stories tell their tales

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Suisun City Senior Center seeks holiday donations

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

Lunafest returns to Fairfield in November

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
Weather for Sept. 18, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B10

 
Fairfield police log: Sept. 16, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

Suisun City police log: Sept. 16, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

 
.

US / World

Emotions mount on final day of Scottish campaign

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
More than 2,000 homes threatened in California fire

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Maps provide early warning of California fire risk

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
School district police stock up free military gear

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5 | Gallery

NASA’s Maven spacecraft reaches Mars this weekend

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
US military role in Iraq raises combat questions

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Police: Ambush suspect was military re-enactor

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
House grudgingly approves arms for Syrian rebels

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Ex-VA doctor: Phoenix report a ‘whitewash’

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Doctor says Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has cancer

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

US scientist: Ebola unlikely to become airborne

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Liberia president praises US for Ebola help pledge

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Obama reaffirms opposition to US combat in Iraq

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
AP Interview: Iraq premier says no foreign troops

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

.

Opinion

Give new crime report a chance

By Kelvin Wade | From Page: A7

 
Why Obama needs congressional authority to wage war

By Albert R. Hunt | From Page: A7

Democrats shouldn’t rely on pot and gay marriage

By Ramesh Ponnuru | From Page: A7

 
Homeless find welcome in Vallejo

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7

 
.

Living

Today in History: Sept. 18, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Sept. 18, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

My brother fails to make an effort to when it comes to my kids

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A9

 
Horoscopes: Sept. 18, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A9

.

Entertainment

Directors Guild finds TV diversity hiring stalled

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

U2 returns to iTunes Top 100 — 26 times

By Los Angeles Times | From Page: B4

 
.

Sports

Rodriguez gets 1st MEL soccer win since return to league

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B1

 
Giants snap tie in 9th, beat Arizona to narrow gap in West to 2

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
49ers’ Kaepernick fined for inappropriate language

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Sharks sign D Braun to 5-year, $19 M extension

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Rockets acquire Jason Terry, picks from Kings

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Panthers remove DE Greg Hardy from active roster

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Barry Bonds appeal heads back to court

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

NFL, union agree to new drug policy, HGH testing

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Raiders rookie Derek Carr focuses on job at hand

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Pegulas’ bid to buy Bills OK’d by NFL committee

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
FSU benches Winston for 1st half of Clemson game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Umpire West suspended 1 game for grabbing jersey

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
After making ‘mistake,’ Vikings bench RB Peterson

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

.

Business

Brown signs ride-sharing insurance legislation

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
US homebuilder confidence soars in September

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

Anthem, hospitals join to offer new insurance plan

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Drag queens dress down Facebook over names

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

Wells Fargo pays $290,000 in sex harassment case

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Fed signals plan to keep key rate at record low

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

.

Obituaries

Margaret King

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9