Sunday, December 21, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

We’re worried about our granddaughter, we suspect our daughter’s using drugs again

Dear Annie: Our daughter is going down a bad road, and our 13-year-old granddaughter, “Lana,” is in the driver’s seat.

Lana has been diagnosed with ADHD, but since we live in another state, we have no way of knowing whether she’s staying on her meds. I’ve heard from my wife that Lana has been destroying furniture and is physically and verbally abusing her mother. At one point, she snatched her mom’s cellphone out of her hand while she was calling for help.

Here’s another layer of trouble: We know our daughter has had drug abuse issues in the past, and we suspect she’s on some harder stuff now. She is losing weight at an alarming rate, her teeth are going bad, and she’s just been kicked out of her apartment – for the fourth time in less than two years.

This is stressing the entire family, even though we’re hundreds of miles away. What can we do? How do we cope with this? — Worried and Wondering

Dear Worried: Is Lana’s father in the picture? Is he reliable? Would he be willing to ask for custody? Would you be willing to take the girl in if her mother is on drugs? We know Lana is a handful, but part of the reason is because her mother may not be a competent parent. We urge you to make a trip to see your daughter and assess the situation. You also might want to alert Lana’s school to the home issues. There is support for friends and relatives of addicted children. Contact Nar-Anon (nar-anon.org) at 800-477-6291.

Dear Annie: For the past 30 years, my brother-in-law, “Bob,” has spent the holidays with us, staying for a week or more. He has never offered to take us out to lunch, dinner or anything else. In fact, the last time we went out together, he somehow left his credit card at home when the bill arrived, so we paid, as usual. (How does anyone travel 1,000 miles without a credit card?)

Everyone else I know makes it a regular practice to offer to take the hosts out for a meal or at the very least pitch in for groceries. When we are guests, we do this. It is courteous, polite and proper. Are we just old-fashioned?

How do we handle Bob’s inability to find his pockets? Should we mention ahead of time that diners will be paying for their own meals? My husband has never brought this up with his brother, but I think it’s time Bob became a good guest. He is single, well-educated and lives comfortably. Should we just come out and tell him? It would be difficult to do without ruffling a few feathers. — New Hampshire

Dear New Hampshire: How does your husband feel about this? Bob is being a freeloader, but if your husband prefers not to confront him (and can afford it), we think you should let him decide the issue. Otherwise, since he’s family, and you will continue to host him, it’s OK to approach Bob with a lighthearted touch and say that it’s his turn to pick up the tab on the next outing.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Frustrated,” whose new husband, “Kevin,” won’t let her buy her own stuff. If he is a control freak, they need counseling, or if necessary, she can get the marriage annulled. Life is too short to live like that.

If it were up to my husband, we’d never have anything decent around here. I’ve replaced some of his and my old stuff and learned to stand up to him. It’s not healthy to be married and feel like you are living out a prison sentence.

Assuming she’s not trying to buy high-end expensive stuff, she needs to ask herself: Would she let a friend treat her that way? No. — Happily Married 20 Years to a Pack Rat

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Shining bright for all to see: Locals deck out yards, homes

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: C1, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
The Salvation Army serves 1,000-plus across 2 days

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A1, 7 Comments | Gallery

Blue Christmas service offers reflection, hope

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A1

 
Time for annual Solano County quiz

By Brad Stanhope | From Page: A2

 
Bevy of holiday activities at Western Railway Museum

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
State Fair scholarship applications available

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

Get tested, know your status

By Morgan Westfall | From Page: C4

 
 
New development fees start Jan. 1 in Vacaville

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A5

Free New Year’s celebration slated

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A5

 
A word of warning for Senator Warren

By Bud Stevenson | From Page: B7, 11 Comments

 
New technology chief will join McNaughton Newspapers

By Tanya Perez | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
Fairfield police log: Dec. 19, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

Suisun City police log: Dec. 19, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

 
Sky-high price has VA rationing hep C drug

By Tom Philpott | From Page: B10

.

US / World

Air Force admits nuke flaws, but will fixes work?

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 1 Comment

 
 
Design of Golden Gate Bridge suicide barrier OK’d

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

Officials: Missing dog was dyed to deceive

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Immigrants build document trails to remain in US

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

California officer kills teen after machete attack

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 2 Comments

 
4 teens die in fiery head-on crash in Pennsylvania

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

2 dozen injured in southern Indiana bus crash

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Texas ranchers seeking alternative incomes

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7, 1 Comment

 
North Korea proposes joint probe over Sony hacking

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

2 car bombs rock southern Sweden’s city of Malmo

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Bombings kill 12 in Iraq

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10, 1 Comment

US sends 4 Afghans back home from Guantanamo

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Panama’s Noriega in prison 25 years post-invasion

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Burying the dead after Pakistan’s school massacre

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

 
A chance to breach divide for young in Cuba and US

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

.

Opinion

Editorial Cartoon: Dec. 21, 2014

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8, 1 Comment

 
Season’s greetings from the Obamas

By Alexandra Petri | From Page: A8, 1 Comment

New school finance strategy lacks accountability

By Dan Walters | From Page: A8

 
Sound off for Dec. 21, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: A8

 
.

Living

Community Calendar: Dec. 21, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Today in History: Dec. 21, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2, 4 Comments

Why celebrate Christmas?

By Noel Reese | From Page: C3, 3 Comments

 
Vatican offers olive branch to US nuns

By The Associated Press | From Page: C3, 1 Comment

Horoscopes: Dec. 21, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: C4

 
Should I ask grandson why we weren’t included in wedding photos?

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: C4

.

Entertainment

Review: ‘Five’ by Ursula Archer is intriguing

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

 
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY BEST-SELLERS

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

Publisher hopes to sell books through Twitter

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

 
Chris Colfer has multi-book deal

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

Jerry Lee Lewis: Sustained by brief blaze of glory

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

 
TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B11

.

Sports

New Giants 3B McGehee eager to play back home

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Interim coaching jobs present challenges in bowls

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

49ers squander 21-point lead in 4th straight loss

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Eagles near elimination, fall 27-24 to Redskins

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Raiders place cornerback Brown on injured reserve

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
No. 11 Lady Vols trounce No. 7 Stanford 59-40

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Big moves bring big hope for Chicago baseball

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
US skier Nyman wins Gardena downhill for 3rd time

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Vonn wins women’s World Cup downhill in France

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
This date in sports history for Sunday, Dec. 21, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
.

Business

Your info has been hacked. Now what do you do?

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
On the money: 4 ways to hold on to your cash when renting a car

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
Recalls this week: Bean bag chairs, toy monkeys

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Scarecrows outnumber people in dying Japan town

By The Associated Press | From Page: B12

.

Obituaries

Barbara Jean Bidstrup Braker

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Perry Michael Smetts

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Luzdivina B. Banks

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
Arnold Howard Evans

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

Anthony Hanson Elder

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
Dominic C. Scolaro

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

.

Comics