Sunday, October 19, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Tips to help reduce emotional tension

By
From page A2 | May 28, 2014 |

Tension is in our DNA. It probably started as a warning system for our cave dwelling ancestors. They had to be ready to run or defend themselves if something was endangering their tribe. We still have those instincts, and sometimes they can be a lot stronger than they need to be.

The fight-or-flee system is a good one, but times have changed and we no longer need to be on edge every second of every day. If you are, it is going to cause you some difficulty either physically or emotionally, or both, and will make life less enjoyable. Here are some things you can do to lower your tension level and help you cope.

  • If you are having a difficult discussion and tension starts to climb, take a break. Give yourself an hour to calm down, so you can think clearly, and when you return to the conversation, keep the volume and emotions in check. If you still find that you can’t let go of the negative emotions, allow yourself to sleep on it and try again in the morning. Doing this can give you a fresh perspective.
  • Don’t let your upsets fester. If you are feeling put upon and like you just can’t take any more, tell someone. If no one is available to talk to, write down your feelings. It’s a great way to release the bad ones and gain a fresh perspective. Sometimes an even better alternative is to face the upsetting person or problem head-on and deal with it. The sooner you get it healed, the less time you will spend feeling uncomfortable.
  • Learn not to wear yourself out. When you are tired, it makes doing even the simplest things a bit harder, and you also get cranky. It is wise to take a break when you are having a difficult time dealing with all that you have on your plate. Making a list of your tasks for the day can be helpful, and if you don’t accomplish everything, you can take care of it the following day. Putting “take a break” on your list is also a good idea. There is enough time to get it all done. Just don’t waste your time feeling pressured.
  • Avoid rumination. Negative thoughts can take over your life if you let them. When you find yourself sitting (or lying) down consumed by troubling thoughts, you have to get up and change your physical space, so you can change the mental one too. Just going outside and taking three deep breaths can help. Then you should find one constructive thing to do around the house or at your desk, and do it.
  • Rely on your friends, but don’t overburden them. Talking to someone who believes in you can help, but when you relieve your own tension by venting to a good buddy, you can burn that person out. Just remember that your friends have lives too.

These tips will help, so use them. Things will change, as they always do. Trust that you are a good person, and goodness will return to your life.

Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, is the author of “The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.” Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @BartonGoldsmith, or email him at Barton@bartongoldsmith.com.

Barton Goldsmith

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Snakes, superheroes liven up Halloween Howl

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Solano looks at future of freight rail service

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Are your heroes the good and honorable type?

By Perry W. Polk | From Page: C3

 
Alpha Color Blast brings messy fun to participants

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Italian Festival brings out the Italian in everyone

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Suisun council to examine zoning changes

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A4, 2 Comments

 
Cover cropping your home garden

By Kathy Low | From Page: C4, 1 Comment

Seven nutritional soundbites for kids

By Kate Land Md | From Page: C4

 
More than planes draws crowd to Nut Tree Airport

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A5 | Gallery

A cut above: Hair-raising time at Locks of Love event

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A6 | Gallery

 
Voter registration deadline is Monday

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A6

 
Pots and pans, patios and more at home and garden show

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A6 | Gallery

Weather for Oct. 19, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B6

 
Architecture that inspires present for all to see

By Brian Miller and Karl Dumas | From Page: B7

Service members from county complete basic training

By Nick DeCicco | From Page: B10

 
‘Choice card’ doubts swirl as deadline nears

By Tom Philpott | From Page: B10

Suisun City Police log: Oct. 17, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

 
Fairfield police log: Oct. 17, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

.

US / World

First US Ebola victim remembered for compassion

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 3 Comments

 
Another year, another small Social Security bump

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7, 3 Comments

Family identify 4 kids, 2 adults killed in blaze

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Cops: Remains may be those of missing UVa. student

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7, 2 Comments

Police: Another ambush suspect sighting reported

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
Hawaii island hit by winds, rains from hurricane

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

Iraq lawmakers approve interior, defense ministers

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
US, China vow to manage rifts ahead of Obama visit

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Container ship adrift again off Canadian coast

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
9 more bodies push Nepal blizzard death toll to 38

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

.

Opinion

Market week ends on high note

By Bud Stevenson | From Page: B7

 
Why I’m voting for Proposition 1

By Richard L. Wood | From Page: A8, 21 Comments

Time to vote: Do so wisely

By Rod Keck | From Page: A8, 5 Comments

 
Sound off for Oct. 19, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: A8, 1 Comment

Adult education step to future

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

 
Dodd best choice for 4th District Assembly

By Daily Republic | From Page: A8

.

Living

Dogs welcome at St. Louis museum about, well, dogs

By The Associated Press | From Page: C1

 
Why I don’t breastfeed, if you must know

By The Washington Post | From Page: C2, 2 Comments

Today in History: Oct. 19, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Oct. 19, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

Goshen residents team up to save damaged church

By The Associated Press | From Page: C3

 
Vatican mystery: Where did gay welcome originate?

By The Associated Press | From Page: C3

Mental illnesses are real, treatment is available. Get help today.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: C4

 
Horoscopes: Oct. 19, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: C4

Seattle woman uses social media against groper

By The Seattle Times | From Page: C8

 
.

Entertainment

New Mencken book features unpublished material

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6 | Gallery

 
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY BEST-SELLERS

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

 
John Green’s first book to be reissued in 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B11

 
.

Sports

So which Giants Series team is the best?

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B1

 
Bumgarner gets nod for Giants World Series opener

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Goff’s late INT sends Cal to 36-34 loss to UCLA

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Vanden JV football team downs American Canyon

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

Canada helps Montana hold off UC Davis 42-28

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Ben Martin takes Las Vegas PGA lead

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Bruce Bochy has the postseason touch with Giants

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

Vickers wins pole in strange Talladega qualifying

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Trade for Shields spurred Royals to turnaround

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

.

Business

On the money: Can you go solar? Leases, loans make it possible

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
Flavors fuel food industry, but remain a mystery

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7, 1 Comment

Recalls this week: toy toasters, folding tables

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Federal offshore oil lease sale set for March

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Review: Stir Kinetic smart desk makes you stand up

By The Associated Press | From Page: B12

 
.

Obituaries

Lawrence Weber

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Larry Lee Stanley

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Chloe Chicko Kenty

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
Billy Raye Carter

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Robert Alton Lauderdale

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics