Monday, October 20, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Relatives, friends keep denigrating my late husband

Dear Annie: I was married for 30 years to a man I loved deeply. I know perfectly well he is not perfect (who is?) and saw him struggle to control his temper and sharp tongue. He had a schizophrenic father and an alcoholic mother. They divorced when he was about 10, and he bounced from foster home to foster home. He slept in alleys and ate from garbage cans.

He was deeply loving, fiercely protective and faithful. He had compassion for the downtrodden and often gave away food, clothing and money to the less fortunate. I loved his heart of “pure mush,” as he put it.

Unfortunately, my family only saw his quick temper and said he was only using me for my money. He always worked, just at lower-paying jobs, and we learned to live with less so we could give more away. They never saw the generous things he did.

When he died, I notified both families and received no condolences whatsoever. His family has never acknowledged his passing. My family members seem intent on degrading him in front of our mutual friends and me. These are people who claim they care about me, but I wonder. Why won’t they let the man rest in peace and leave me with my loving memories, instead of trying to justify their apparent hostility? He’s dead now and can’t aggravate them anymore. How can I get them to stop? — Still Loving My One and Only

Dear Still: You have to tell them and make it stick. If your relatives begin denigrating your late husband, respond with: “Please stop saying terrible things about someone I loved. It makes my grieving more difficult.” Don’t lose your temper or cry. Simply make your statement, and if they continue to say unkind things, get up and leave. Eventually, they will stop, but at least you won’t have to listen to their comments in the meantime. Our condolences on your loss.

Dear Annie: My daughter has never let me meet my grandson. He was born in May, and the last time I saw my daughter was in March when I hosted a baby shower.

She and her boyfriend don’t believe in God. I asked them whether they would bless the child, but they became angry. She is really breaking my heart. I can’t believe she is so evil. What can I do to resolve this?

Dear Grandma: People who are deeply religious often do not understand how offensive their religious demands are to people who do not share their beliefs. By asking your daughter to bless the child, you were showing disrespect for her and her boyfriend. We know you strongly disagree with their approach to raising their child, but it is not your decision to make. If you ever hope to have a relationship with your grandchild, you will need to demonstrate to your daughter that you can be trusted not to undermine her parental authority.

Dear Annie: Thank you for your poignant answer to “In Love With Another Man,” the foolish married woman who has reconnected with an old flame. I, too, had an overly close relationship with a man despite a perfectly good marriage. Circumstances in my life made me emotionally fragile, and “the other man” set off sparks that had only vaguely smoldered in the marital day-to-day. Long conversations with a counselor made me realize that “the other man” had all sorts of traits that would be repugnant to me if it weren’t for the excitement and the romance of the fling, and I eventually found my way back to the man I married. I pray “In Love” follows your excellent advice and does the same. — Never More in Love

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Girl Scouts explore sweet side of chemistry

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Local governments schedule meetings

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: A4

 
Weather for Monday, Oct. 20, 2014

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B12

.

US / World

Marine accused in Philippine killing tests US ties

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
.

Opinion

Suisun mayor offers his endorsements

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

 
Which candidates support Alzheimer’s cure?

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

Beware a Trojan horse

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 3 Comments

 
Pulse poll question

By Daily Republic | From Page: A8

.

Living

.

Entertainment

.

Sports

Palmer leads Cardinals past Raiders 24-13

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Manning breaks Favre’s TD mark in 42-17

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Tim Lincecum waits his turn, still yet to pitch

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Keselowski keeps title hopes alive at Talladega

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

NFL roundup: Jaguars bounce Browns, gets first win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
SEC is 1st conference to put 4 in top 5 of AP poll

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Ski champ Svindal injured while playing soccer

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Serena Williams hits back at Russian official

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Kings pick up G Ben McLemore’s option

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Rockets beat Warriors 90-83 in exhibition game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Pacquiao makes professional basketball debut

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Cal receiver Trevor Davis released from hospital

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Sounders rally for 2-2 tie with LA Galaxy

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Rangers net 2 in 4 seconds; Lundqvist stops Sharks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

This date in sports history for Monday, Oct. 20, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Royals dependent on 3-headed bullpen monster

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

 
Hend wins Hong Kong Open in a playoff

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

Baek wins playoff to take LPGA South Korea

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

 
Ilonen beats Stenson in World Match Play final

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

Jay Haas wins Greater Hickory Kia Classic

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

 
Ben Martin wins 1st PGA Tour title in Las Vegas

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

Denkinger’s miss revisited as Series returns to KC

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9 | Gallery

 
.

Business

Facebook, Apple pay for egg freezing, sperm donors

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
.

Obituaries

.

Comics

B.C. Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Peanuts Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Baby Blues Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Rose is Rose Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Dilbert Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Get Fuzzy Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Pickles Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Garfield October 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Sally Forth Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Baldo Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Beetle Bailey Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Zits Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Blondie Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Wizard of Id Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

For Better or Worse Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Bridge Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Cryptoquote Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Crossword Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Word Sleuth Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Sudoku Oct 20

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Sally Forth Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Beetle Bailey Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Wizard of Id Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Dilbert Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

B.C. Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Frank and Ernest Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Blondie Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Garfield Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Get Fuzzy Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Baldo Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Pickles Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
For Better or Worse Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Baby Blues Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Zits Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Bridge Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Sudoku Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Crossword Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Word Sleuth Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Cryptoquote Oct 21

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7