Friday, August 1, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Relatives, friends keep denigrating my late husband

Dear Annie: I was married for 30 years to a man I loved deeply. I know perfectly well he is not perfect (who is?) and saw him struggle to control his temper and sharp tongue. He had a schizophrenic father and an alcoholic mother. They divorced when he was about 10, and he bounced from foster home to foster home. He slept in alleys and ate from garbage cans.

He was deeply loving, fiercely protective and faithful. He had compassion for the downtrodden and often gave away food, clothing and money to the less fortunate. I loved his heart of “pure mush,” as he put it.

Unfortunately, my family only saw his quick temper and said he was only using me for my money. He always worked, just at lower-paying jobs, and we learned to live with less so we could give more away. They never saw the generous things he did.

When he died, I notified both families and received no condolences whatsoever. His family has never acknowledged his passing. My family members seem intent on degrading him in front of our mutual friends and me. These are people who claim they care about me, but I wonder. Why won’t they let the man rest in peace and leave me with my loving memories, instead of trying to justify their apparent hostility? He’s dead now and can’t aggravate them anymore. How can I get them to stop? — Still Loving My One and Only

Dear Still: You have to tell them and make it stick. If your relatives begin denigrating your late husband, respond with: “Please stop saying terrible things about someone I loved. It makes my grieving more difficult.” Don’t lose your temper or cry. Simply make your statement, and if they continue to say unkind things, get up and leave. Eventually, they will stop, but at least you won’t have to listen to their comments in the meantime. Our condolences on your loss.

Dear Annie: My daughter has never let me meet my grandson. He was born in May, and the last time I saw my daughter was in March when I hosted a baby shower.

She and her boyfriend don’t believe in God. I asked them whether they would bless the child, but they became angry. She is really breaking my heart. I can’t believe she is so evil. What can I do to resolve this?

Dear Grandma: People who are deeply religious often do not understand how offensive their religious demands are to people who do not share their beliefs. By asking your daughter to bless the child, you were showing disrespect for her and her boyfriend. We know you strongly disagree with their approach to raising their child, but it is not your decision to make. If you ever hope to have a relationship with your grandchild, you will need to demonstrate to your daughter that you can be trusted not to undermine her parental authority.

Dear Annie: Thank you for your poignant answer to “In Love With Another Man,” the foolish married woman who has reconnected with an old flame. I, too, had an overly close relationship with a man despite a perfectly good marriage. Circumstances in my life made me emotionally fragile, and “the other man” set off sparks that had only vaguely smoldered in the marital day-to-day. Long conversations with a counselor made me realize that “the other man” had all sorts of traits that would be repugnant to me if it weren’t for the excitement and the romance of the fling, and I eventually found my way back to the man I married. I pray “In Love” follows your excellent advice and does the same. — Never More in Love

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Trifecta: ‘The Who’s Tommy’ third play in three months

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Gemstones shine at Solano County Fair

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Japan Summerfest returns this month

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
Vallejo police arrest suspect in shooting death

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A4 | Gallery

Fairfield man settles suit against Raley’s

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A4

 
Solano Tea Party Patriots schedule meet

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

Details limited after shooting leaves 1 with injuries

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A4

 
Highway 12 to close overnight in Jameson Canyon

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A4

Air district calls Spare the Air alert

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A4

 
Stabbing victim dies in Vacaville

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A5

Fairfield police log: July 30, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

 
Suisun City police log: July 30, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

.

US / World

A look at the impact of Wisconsin’s union law

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Union: California prison staff told to fake checks

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Abbas seeks broad support for war crimes charges

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
US, UN announce deal on 72-hour Gaza cease-fire

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1 | Gallery

As US job market strengthens, many don’t feel it

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Dow plunges as multiple worries vex investors

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Wisconsin Supreme Court upholds 2011 union law

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Report: Secrecy enveloped Bay Bridge construction

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Yosemite wildfire weakened, evacuations to end

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Candidate goes homeless to show economic gap

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5 | Gallery

California ex-mayor sentenced in corruption case

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Californians to see increase in health plan costs

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Appellate court overturns high-speed rail rulings

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
US warns against traveling to Ebola-hit countries

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Demoted worker shoots CEO, kills self in Chicago

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
NASA to test making rocket fuel ingredient on Mars

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

Investigators reach Ukraine jet wreckage site

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7 | Gallery

 
Congress races to finish VA, highway bills

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

See-through mice reveal details of inner anatomy

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
CIA spied on Senate, internal review finds

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

.

Opinion

Why do so many Americans support Hamas

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A11

 
Nice guy becomes House majority leader

By Dan Walters | From Page: A11

 
Should union organizing be a civil right?

By Ben Boychuk and Joel Mathis | From Page: A11

.

Living

Community Calendar: Aug. 1, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
.

Entertainment

 
Review: Boseman drips with charisma as James Brown

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

.

Sports

Safety Bethea finding a groove with new 49ers team

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
A’s deal Tommy Milone to Twins for Sam Fuld

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

A’s get Lester, Gomes from Red Sox for Cespedes

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
Chekwa taking reps with Raiders while Hayden sits

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7 | Gallery

Expos fall short in 10-9 loss to Leghorns

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B7

 
Phelps to compete in 4 events at US nationals

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Another decent start for Woods at Firestone

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

 
Ravens’ Rice: His actions ‘totally inexcusable’

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Dustin Johnson takes leave of absence from golf

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Commonwealth Games athlete convicted for assault on rival

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Lynch ends holdout, arrives at Seahawks camp

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Nick Watney leads PGA Barracuda Championship

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Rich get richer: Rays’ Price traded to Tigers

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

 
Dumdumaya takes third in World Junior/Junior Olympic tourney

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B8

AP Source: Trump advances in Bills sale process

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Mudcats get 15-7 win in Auburn Classic

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B8

Signups for Friday, Aug. 1, 2014

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B9

 
Derrick Brooks set standard for NFL linebackers

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9 | Gallery

.

Business

Daimler launches new version of tiny Smart car

By The Associated Press | From Page: C1

 
SeaWorld, Southwest Airlines ending partnership

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

Target taps outsider as CEO for needed shakeup

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

 
Iliad of France makes surprise bid for T-Mobile US

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

Facebook’s Internet.org expands in Zambia

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

 
In San Francisco real estate, $1M won’t buy much

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

Debit overdraft fees often exceed cost of purchase

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

 
Panasonic, Tesla to build big US battery plant

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

.

Obituaries

Clifford C. Hemler

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

 
.

Comics

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9