Thursday, July 24, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Our friend’s become a hermit since her mother died more than 10 years ago

Dear Annie: I’ve been friends with “Jane” and “Carol” since college. Unfortunately, since her mom died well over a decade ago, Jane has become a hermit. She is distant, and whenever we make plans, she makes an excuse at the very last minute to cancel on us. We’re frustrated.

While I can sympathize with her terrible loss, I feel she needs to move on and start living again. She can’t hide in her room forever. Carol and I are not sure how to approach this. We want to be sensitive to Jane’s feelings but at the same time get her to realize that she has friends and family who love her and want to spend time with her. What should we do? — Frustrated Friends

Dear Friends: If Jane has been so severely depressed about her mother’s death for more than a decade, she needs professional help. She is stuck. Tell her you are worried about her, and suggest she look into counseling to help her get her life back on track. She also can find a Motherless Daughters support group through hopeedelman.com.

Dear Annie: After 56 years of marriage, our father passed away and left my mother alone for the first time in her life. Four years after Dad died, Mom suffered a bout of meningitis. While she has recovered completely, she is convinced that she is bedridden. I moved back home to take care of her because no one else would. My younger sister lives in the house with us, but does her own thing.

The problem is, four other siblings live in the same city, and three are retired. Yet no one helps look after Mom but me. Mom has a sharp tongue, but her memory is shot. Even when she is insulting, she doesn’t remember it.

I drive nearly 100 miles a day to and from work. When I get home, I clean the kitchen and make sure Mom has a hot meal while watching TV. I am D.O.T.: disappointed, overwhelmed and tired. My spirit is broken; I don’t spend time with friends; I don’t talk on the phone; I don’t do anything.

I worry that I will die of exhaustion and Mom will be alone. My mother, of course, has no sympathy for my situation. I am not the executor of her will or a beneficiary. But I would like to enjoy a few years before my life is over. — Tired and Miserable

Dear Tired: You are kind, compassionate and devoted. But you don’t need to wear yourself out for your mother. That does neither of you any good. Of course, your siblings should step up, but they are not going to do it, so handle this as if you were an only child. Your mother could benefit from day care programs, and you need respite care. Contact the Eldercare Locator (eldercare.gov), AARP (aarp.org), the Family Caregiver Alliance (caregiver.org) and the Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org) for information and help.

Dear Annie: “Trouble in Hubbard” is the executor of her mother’s estate. She is concerned that one grandson has borrowed a great deal of money, and she wants to deduct that amount from his inheritance after Grandma dies.

As an executor of an estate (or trustee of a trust), “Trouble” has no choice but to divide and distribute Grandma’s will or trust the way it’s written upon her death. Since debts owed Grandma prior to her death are legitimate assets of the estate, this would require adjusting a beneficiary’s share of distributions. To do otherwise opens the executor or trustee to lawsuits from the other beneficiaries. If it contributes to family strife, “Trouble” should resign in favor of appointing a bank or licensed trust company as executor. — Kailua, Hawaii

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

 
Artists with trowels transform highway wall

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A1, 4 Comments | Gallery

 
 
County court employees rally against cuts, furloughs

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3, 8 Comments | Gallery

 
Crews to begin Vacaville slurry seal street project

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A3

2nd candidate eyes Vacaville mayoral run

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A3, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Bertani schedules town hall meet

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3, 5 Comments

 
 
Vacaville police arrest fugitive Dezmon Frazier

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A4, 6 Comments

Sesame Street USO tour visits Travis

By Staff Sgt. Christopher Carranza | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Fairfield police log: July 22, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

Fairfield police log: July 21, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

 
Weather for July 24, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B10

Fairfield police log: July 20, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

 
Suisun City police log: July 22, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

Suisun City police log: July 21, 2013

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

 
Suisun City police log: July 20, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

.

US / World

Lawsuit tests racial policy at California prisons

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 4 Comments

 
Casualty numbers raise questions about Gaza war

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

40 bodies from jet solemnly returned to Dutch soil

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Honduran families deported back to a bleak future

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10, 2 Comments

Lockdown lifted at Little Rock Air Force Base

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
US pushes for truce as Gaza battle rages

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

.

Opinion

 
Watch out for Bobby Jindal

By Jay Ambrose | From Page: A7

 
Rick Perry’s contradiction

By Ruben Navarrette | From Page: A7, 1 Comment

Editorial Cartoons for July 24, 2014

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

 
Good men lost due to Bergdahl

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7, 1 Comment

Is Logue tripping over words?

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7

 
.

Living

Community Calendar: July 24, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Today in History for July 24, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

I resent my husband for not defending me to his mother

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A9

 
Horoscopes for July 24, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A9

.

Entertainment

CBS event marks civil rights anniversary

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
4-day Comic Con festival kicks off in San Diego

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Filmmaker Michael Moore’s divorce is finalized

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 3 Comments

 
CBS says Colbert keeping CBS’ ‘Late Show’ in NYC

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

.

Sports

Raiders start to arrive for start of camp

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1, 1 Comment

 
Tight end Vernon Davis arrives at 49ers training camp

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Pence drives in 3, Giants beat Phillies 3-1

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Cespedes hits 2 HRs, A’s hold off Astros 9-7

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Big innings fuels 16-1 Expos victory in Area 1 opener

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
4 Cities to meet with USOC about 2024

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Testimony ends in trial over $2B Clippers sale

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Playful Pole wins Tour stage, as Nibali marches on

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Mavericks’ Felton pleads guilty in NYC gun case

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Chiefs, running back Jamaal Charles reach deal

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Seattle’s Sidney Rice announces his retirement

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Broncos owner giving up control due to Alzheimer’s

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

.

Business

Stopping deadly oil train fires: New rules planned

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
US economy, though sluggish, may now be sturdier

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

GM issues 6 more safety recalls

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
.

Obituaries

Joseph Ross Smith Jr.

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A5

 
Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9