State, national lifestyle columnists

Not easy to rebuild confidence, but crucial

By From page A2 | April 09, 2014

Sometimes a difficult experience or event can shatter your confidence. So can discouraging words from those who you love. There are any number of things that happen in our lives that can cause us to doubt ourselves, and our abilities.

The economy shook the confidence of the entire world not too long ago, but we are finding our way back, even though many are still struggling to make ends meet and take care of their loved ones. Perhaps it is the positive support from the important people in our lives that is helping us return to a place of internal security.

When we don’t have a good emotional support structure, it makes it harder to find our balance again, and to be the person we once knew we were. The power of having people who believe in you close by when you are going through a confidence lapse is irreplaceable. This is really what having friends and family is all about. We can do live so much better when we feel we have a team behind us – even if that’s only one other person.

In addition to good people who have our backs, we have to use our inner strength. Amelia Earhart once said that, “The most difficult thing is the decision to act; the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process, is its own reward.”

It is easy to get caught up and even stuck when things are not going in the direction you’d like them to. But if you don’t choose to be proactive, you become a victim of whatever circumstance is working you right now. You do have the power within you to make your life better. It isn’t always easy to find, but you will if you don’t give up and really reach down and pull up the strength that you have.

Sometimes this means making sacrifices, both personal and financial. It can also mean that your lifestyle changes, and that is hard for anyone, but it is better than letting the world and evil people nip at your heals for the rest of your life. If you don’t harness your inner strength, and the support of those who believe in you, it will make it impossible for you to work your way out of this dilemma. And make no mistake, it is work to make your life and love whole again if it has been shaken.

Confidence is an important part of making you feel good about yourself and it also helps those who care about you. By exuding confidence you let the people who support you know that you are not just relying on them, you are in this up to your eye-balls and will not let them (or yourself) down. When everyone works together it makes the entire process more effective.

It’s normal to have doubts, just don’t dwell on them and spend some time everyday seeing yourself emerge from this difficulty successfully. That will help turn your life around.

Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, is the author of “The Happy Couple – How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.” Email him at [email protected] Follow his daily insights at www.twitter.com/BartonGoldsmith.

Barton Goldsmith


Discussion | 1 comment

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  • Rich GiddensApril 09, 2014 - 4:46 pm

    National leaders are supposed to inspire confidence too!--And we clearly don't see it happening with Obama's uninspiring and divisive rhetoric of ---"somebody had a dollar more then you do and it's all their fault!". I was born in the 1950's and I clearly remember how horrible the late 60's and 70's were and how Ronald Reagan inspired the American people to turn things around by building a great economy with full employment and to also quickly win our wars! That's what were supposed to be about. Gone now---along came Obama with his foreign and communist ideas out to destroy all that we gained and send us right back to the 70's doldrums and malaise again!

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