Sunday, April 26, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My sister’s big news

By
From page A2 | February 09, 2013 |

My big sister always manages to say just what I need to hear.

Except when she doesn’t.

When we were little girls and our parents split up, she told me it was for the best and that sisters always stick together.

When our baby brother was born blind, she told me it would never matter to anybody except to people who didn’t matter.

When I noticed that our family — our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins by the dozen — seemed a bit different somehow from other people’s kin, she told me flat-out: All families are crazy, and ours, at least, was a lot more fun.

When I got a scholarship to go to college, leaving her at home with three sweet babies and a sour marriage, she told me to study hard, make her proud and remember to shave my legs.

Years later, when my first husband died, she flew from South Carolina to California, took care of my kids and all the casserole dishes and told me to go to bed.

And that summer, on a trip to Mexico, she told me to shut up and sit still while we had our picture made in the flea-bitten arms of a live chimpanzee.

I never know what she’s going to say next. I’m never sure how to anticipate it, with happiness or dread. Generally, it’s both.

In recent years, when we talk on the phone, we start with a commiseration contest. One of us will list our latest complaint, then the other will try to top it.

It’s about 50-50, who wins.

A few days ago, for example, I called to tell her that the cream the dermatologist prescribed to fade a spot on my cheek did not fade a thing. Instead, it turned my whole face redder than the rear end of a turkey. Which, I had to admit, did make the spot a lot less noticeable. Especially after my face began to peel.

“That’s nothing,” she said. “The cat just mistook my pocketbook for a litter box.”

“Oh, no! Did you keep it?”

“The pocketbook or the cat?”

“Whatever,” I said, “you win.”

Then she told me her really big news. She’d been feeling a bit off (more than her usual) and was scheduled for some tests.

“Bad ones?” I said.

“Is there any other kind?”

“Promise to call me as soon as you get the results?”

“I promise,” she said.

She forgot. So I called her house. No answer. Then her cell.

“McFarland’s Funeral Home,” said an unfamiliar voice.

“Sissy?”

“I’m sorry,” said the voice, “this phone belonged to one of our, um, customers. I’ll see if any of the family is still here.”

For a moment, it gave me serious pause. But only for a moment. My sister fools some people. But she can’t fool me.

“I cannot believe you could be that mean to me,” I said.

She laughed like it was funny. If you ask her, she’ll try to justify it by saying I once poured Diet Pepsi down her pants. Which, OK, I did. Never mind why. It was years ago. And besides, she had it coming. But getting Diet Pepsi poured down your pants is not the same thing as pretending to your only sister that you’re dead. It’s not even close.

“So what about your test results?” I said.

Then came the news that made me forget all about, more or less, every bad thing that she has ever said or done to me.

“All fine,” she said, “normal.”

I choked back an urge to comment on “normal.” No explanation of how she’s been feeling, but “all fine, normal” sounded pretty good to me.

Suddenly I was feeling a tiny bit guilty for having poured that Diet Pepsi down her pants, even if she absolutely deserved it.

So I made a solemn vow (to myself, not to her) that as long as she stays “all fine, normal,” I will never, ever pour another Diet Pepsi down her pants.

It won’t be a hard vow to keep. These days I drink Diet Coke.

Sharon Randall can be contacted at P.O. Box 777394, Henderson NV 89077, or at www.sharonrandall.com.

Sharon Randall

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Solano cities celebrate Earth Day

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Hard-fought battle ends in victory

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: C1 | Gallery

 
Children enjoy day of fishing at Fairfield pond

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Expo shows Kroc Center fun for whole Framily

By Bill Hicks | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Suisun police execute tobacco sting

By Bill Hicks | From Page: A4, 2 Comments

CHP offers free class for senior drivers

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A4

 
Edibles in your landscape

By Daily Republic | From Page: C4

 
Patrons raise a glass to toast a good cause

By Bill Hicks | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Walk MS hits stride along Suisun waterfront

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A5, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Covered California offers Solano enrollment events

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A5

Weather for Sunday, April 26, 2015

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B6

 
Pay close attention to investment costs

By Mark Sievers | From Page: B7, 1 Comment

Be wary of next ‘big’ thing

By Bud Stevenson | From Page: B7, 1 Comment

 
.

US / World

With legalization, lawyers turn to business of pot

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 3 Comments

 
Remains of dismembered newborn found in South Los Angeles

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Spring storm delivers late rain, snow to Northern California

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Starbucks stores reopen Saturday after computer glitch

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Nearly 17 million watch Jenner interview

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

Aden hit by coalition airstrikes amid fierce street battles

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Mother in custody dispute freed after 8 years behind bars

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Italy marks 70th anniversary of anti-Nazi uprising

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

European authorities stop illegal horse meat network

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Italian navy rescues 274 from migrant ship off Libyan coast

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

Army shutting down wounded warrior transition care units

By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

 
Warrior pose: Yoga catching on as therapy for veterans’ PTSD

By The Washington Post | From Page: B10

Toll climbs after powerful quake hits Nepal: Things to Know

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

 
.

Opinion

How can we give them more?

By Brian Thiemer | From Page: A8, 8 Comments

 
Sound off for April 26, 2015

By Daily Republic | From Page: A8

 
Corruption tarnishes values of our ancestors

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 4 Comments

 
Obama sides with enemy

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 29 Comments

Who’s asleep at the switch?

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 1 Comment

 
.

Living

Brides show short wedding gowns more of the love

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

 
Community Calendar: April 26, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

Today in history: Sunday, April 26

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Vatican goes on offensive to defend US-Spanish saint

By The Associated Press | From Page: C3

 
You get what you need with Jesus

By Noel Reese | From Page: C3, 4 Comments

 
How can I trust my husband after he texted a younger woman behind my back?

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: C4

Horoscope: April 26, 2015

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: C4

 
Old standby body-weight training still has moves

By The Washington Post | From Page: C7

 
Milan spiffs up for Expo 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: C7

.

Entertainment

PUBLISHERS WEEKLY BEST-SELLERS

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
More copies of Laura Ingalls Wilder memoir being printed

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Amber Tamblyn writes book of poetry about dead actresses

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10 | Gallery

 
TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B11

.

Sports

Rain postpones NASCAR race at Richmond until Sunday

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Giants beat Rockies 5-4 in 11 innings

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Warriors complete sweep with 109-98 win over Pelicans

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Athletics drop 3rd straight game, 9-3 to Astros

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
US routs Canada 7-2 in semifinal at under-18 hockey worlds

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Watford back in Premier League after 8-year absence

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Several Kentucky Derby hopefuls get workouts in before rain

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Levy falters at Volvo China Open; 4 tied for lead

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Former Expos executive Jim Fanning dies at 87

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Sandy Lyle, Ian Woosnam team to lead Legends of Golf

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Compton, Day top leaderboard in rain-plagued Zurich Classic

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Suzuki breaks Oh’s record for runs by a Japanese player

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Bulldogs get 10-0 baseball win over Panthers

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

Canadian teen Henderson has 1-shot lead in LPGA Tour event

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Klitschko outpoints Jennings to defend heavyweight titles

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Michael Schumacher’s son makes strong Formula 4 debut

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
A’s place Ben Zobrist on disabled list with knee injury

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

7 players from Royals, White Sox punished by MLB for brawl

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
Grizzlies hold off a late Trail Blazers rally to go up 3-0

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Hometown report: Bicycle racing, youth track

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B4

 
Bowling report for April 26, 2015

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B4

Bayless’ layup at buzzer gives Bucks 92-90 win over Bulls

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

 
Nets beat Hawks 91-83, pull within 2-1 in series

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

Sports on TV for Sunday, April 26, 2015

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B5

 
This date in sports history for April 26

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

.

Business

Veggies take center plate as healthy fast food chains expand

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7, 3 Comments | Gallery

 
What’s in a hotel name? Guests try to decipher the mystery

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
Is ice cream safe? Federal health officials say yes

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Don’t panic, college seniors: Jobs for grads likely to grow

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9 | Gallery

.

Obituaries

Nicole Herdia Spann

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
Reginald Morris Davis

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

.

Comics