Monday, July 28, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My mother wants me to contact my half-siblings, but I don’t want to

Dear Annie: I recently decided to do a little digging into my past and started a family tree. While I was doing this, I came across information that my biological father had passed away some 10 years ago.

Annie, I had no contact with my biological father after the age of 2. He had an affair with my mother and then went back to his wife. I don’t even know what he looked like. In all honesty, I have no feelings about his passing. I have never regretted not meeting him.

The reason I am writing is that he had two children by the woman he was married to while seeing my mother on the side. I doubt they even know that my two younger brothers and I exist, especially since he went out of his way to deny having fathered us in the first place.

My mother suggested I contact these now-grown children and let them know about us. I do not think this is a good idea and prefer to leave well enough alone. Your thoughts? — Curious in Minnesota

Dear Curious: We agree with you to leave things alone. We assume you have relevant medical information about your biological father. Does your mother have a photograph of him so you can satisfy any curiosity you have about what he looked like? These children may deeply resent learning that their father had an affair that produced siblings, and developing a relationship with you could be too painful for them. If they do know about you, they can do the same search you are considering, so we’d let them make that decision.

Dear Annie: My wife reads the paper daily, so I’m hoping you can get through to her. She has put on more than 100 pounds since our two kids were born.

I would like to tell her I love her and worry about her health. We talk about growing old together and all the things we will get to experience with our children. They are now at a great age to travel, and we can enjoy their sporting events. My wife exercises a little but cannot refuse a cookie, brownie or piece of cake. I try to lead by example by exercising regularly, eating no goodies and keeping watch over my health. I want us to take long walks and grow old together.

Thank you for printing this. If I said these words to my wife, she would take it badly, but when she reads it, I will tell her I wrote it. — Omaha, Neb.

Dear Omaha: How could any woman be upset when her husband says he wants to grow old with her? Weight is a tricky issue and a do-it-yourself project. And 100 pounds might seem overwhelming. If you indicate disapproval of her food choices, it makes her feel terrible, which only makes her want to eat. Your wife is aware of her weight and undoubtedly wants to drop some pounds.

Could you take over more of the cooking and grocery shopping so there are healthier meals and snacks? Would she take a romantic walk with you after dinner? Would she join Weight Watchers or Overeaters Anonymous? Would she download an app on her phone to keep track of her calories and exercise?

When you show her this letter, ask how you can help her. We hope she will work on it, but if she refuses, please know there is nothing more you can do. Love her as is.

Dear Annie: “Concerned in Galesburg, Ill.” disapproved of parents taking photographs of their babies without clothing on. We once had an attorney general who went around putting diapers on statues of naked people. I’ve often wondered who his constituents were. — Babies Are Adorable

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

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