Thursday, September 18, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My husband’s very controlling, but I can’t leave him permanently

Dear Annie: My husband has always been very controlling. I feel as though he puts me in a box and only lets me out when he decides it’s necessary. He always has to know who I am talking to and where I am every minute of every day. He is obsessive when it comes to texting and calling me, and if I don’t respond fast enough, he gets upset.

He has a very short fuse, but has never hit or shoved me or done anything physical. He doesn’t believe I should talk about our issues with friends or family, only with him. But when I try, he says he isn’t doing anything wrong and that I’m the one with a problem. He won’t go for marriage counseling. A few close friends and some family members are aware of what goes on and agree it is not right.

I’ve tried leaving a few times, but always return when he claims he will change. But, Annie, I know he will never change and don’t understand why I haven’t just left permanently. Of course, money is part of the problem, and we have two small children. I work full-time and still can’t make ends meet. I understand there is state aid to help me, but was told the waiting list is long, and it would be a year before I could get into any housing. I can’t live with my family. There’s no room.

I’ve always been an optimistic person, but I’ve become depressed over this. I keep to myself a lot. I realize now that this is how my husband was raised. He needs to be the center of attention at all times, and his parents believe he walks on water. Is there any hope to make this work? — Any Light at the End of My Tunnel?

Dear Light: It can only work if your husband agrees to counseling so he can learn to loosen the chains. The fact that your husband hasn’t hit you yet doesn’t mean he won’t. Many controlling spouses become physical abusers over time. And abusers can be quite persuasive and charming when they need to be, which is why you keep going back to him. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) at 800-799-SAFE and ask for help.

Dear Annie: A friend of mine told me she is visiting family members in the Middle East for the summer. I wished her well and told her to contact me once she arrived. Three days later, I received an email from her stating that she’s made it! Yet, my gut instinct tells me that she’s no more than 10 minutes away from her house. When I hit “more” by her email, I noticed that her IP address is the same as it is when she’s home.

Is it possible for her to maintain the same IP address while overseas? — With Great Concern

Dear Concern: Unless you are amazingly tech savvy, hitting “more” did not give you her IP address. More likely, it gave you the IP address of her email provider, which would not have changed from her previous email, regardless of her location. That means yes, she can have the same IP address you saw whether she is home or in the Middle East. So, the more important question is: Why are you so determined to believe that your friend is lying? It sounds as if you begrudge her this trip.

Dear Annie: After reading the letter from “Can’t Please Mother” I had to write. My mother was the same. She never appreciated a gift and always returned it or gave it away. My father gave her some wonderful presents, but she was never grateful. One year, Dad gave her a shotgun for her birthday. He was delighted when she gave it back to him. He kept it. — T.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

 

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

 
Theatre DeVille in Vacaville closes

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A1, 15 Comments | Gallery

 
Focus on school attendance now, always

By Mayrene Bates | From Page: A2, 1 Comment

 
Lunafest returns to Fairfield in November

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

Pepperbelly’s for sale

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3, 4 Comments

 
Jury selection begins in 2011 Fairfield murder trial

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3

Seniors get help at Kroc Center health fair

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Drug court success stories tell their tales

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Suisun City Senior Center seeks holiday donations

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
Weather for Sept. 18, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B10

 
Fairfield police log: Sept. 16, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

Suisun City police log: Sept. 16, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

 
.

US / World

Emotions mount on final day of Scottish campaign

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Maps provide early warning of California fire risk

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

More than 2,000 homes threatened in California fire

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

 
NASA’s Maven spacecraft reaches Mars this weekend

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

US military role in Iraq raises combat questions

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Police: Ambush suspect was military re-enactor

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment | Gallery

House grudgingly approves arms for Syrian rebels

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 2 Comments

 
Ex-VA doctor: Phoenix report a ‘whitewash’

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

School district police stock up free military gear

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 4 Comments | Gallery

 
Doctor says Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has cancer

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

US scientist: Ebola unlikely to become airborne

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Liberia president praises US for Ebola help pledge

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Obama reaffirms opposition to US combat in Iraq

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

 
AP Interview: Iraq premier says no foreign troops

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

.

Opinion

 
Give new crime report a chance

By Kelvin Wade | From Page: A7, 17 Comments

 
Homeless find welcome in Vallejo

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7, 7 Comments

 
.

Living

Today in History: Sept. 18, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Sept. 18, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

Horoscopes: Sept. 18, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A9

 
My brother fails to make an effort to when it comes to my kids

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A9

.

Entertainment

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
U2 returns to iTunes Top 100 — 26 times

By Los Angeles Times | From Page: B4, 1 Comment

Directors Guild finds TV diversity hiring stalled

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
.

Sports

Rodriguez gets 1st MEL soccer win since return to league

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B1

 
Giants snap tie in 9th, beat Arizona to narrow gap in West to 2

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
49ers’ Kaepernick fined for inappropriate language

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1, 4 Comments | Gallery

Barry Bonds appeal heads back to court

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
NFL, union agree to new drug policy, HGH testing

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Raiders rookie Derek Carr focuses on job at hand

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Pegulas’ bid to buy Bills OK’d by NFL committee

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

FSU benches Winston for 1st half of Clemson game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Umpire West suspended 1 game for grabbing jersey

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

After making ‘mistake,’ Vikings bench RB Peterson

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Sharks sign D Braun to 5-year, $19 M extension

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Rockets acquire Jason Terry, picks from Kings

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Panthers remove DE Greg Hardy from active roster

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

.

Business

Fed signals plan to keep key rate at record low

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Brown signs ride-sharing insurance legislation

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

US homebuilder confidence soars in September

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Anthem, hospitals join to offer new insurance plan

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

Drag queens dress down Facebook over names

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5, 1 Comment

 
Wells Fargo pays $290,000 in sex harassment case

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

.

Obituaries

Margaret King

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9