Wednesday, August 27, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My husband’s outbursts frighten the family, but I don’t want a 2nd divorce

Dear Annie: I am in my second marriage. My two adult children were pre-teens when I married “Lenny” 15 years ago.

The problem is, Lenny has a bad temper and little patience. He flies off the handle and gets upset easily. It makes life difficult. He doesn’t frighten me, and I can easily tell him to stop when these episodes begin, but they upset the whole family.

Now that my kids are grown, they have told me that they always resented my “putting them in this position” by marrying Lenny. They are respectful to him, but have no interest in sitting down and having a conversation with him. When the kids are in the house, I often run around trying to keep everyone calm. It makes me nervous. Lenny tried counseling, but not for very long. He said it wasn’t helping.

How do I keep a relationship with my kids? I don’t want to be divorced a second time. While I am sure that Lenny would never harm me, I’m not certain how he would react if I asked him to leave. He does have some good qualities, but it’s hard to remember them when he has these outbursts. Please help me keep my kids in my life. What can I do? — Helpless

Dear Helpless: You can call the Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) at 800-799-SAFE and ask about protected ways to leave your environment. You also can ask for help in discussing ways to get Lenny to return for counseling in anger management. If you decide to stay with Lenny, you can arrange to see your children outside of your home, having a relationship that doesn’t include Lenny. Do not push them to be with him.

Dear Annie: “Nude Bodies Are OK” says nude art is not porn, but you cannot always control what happens when viewing nudity. I have counseled people who were addicted to pornography, and it robs men of their confidence and self-respect. Some people become addicted after a single viewing. I have seen couples divorce and children separated from parents because one of them couldn’t stop using porn.

Suggesting that porn is OK for any length of time and in any form encourages people to try doing what their own good sense warns them is dangerous. Women should not be encouraged to think that a husband who uses porn is “safe” from affairs and that it will somehow strengthen the marriage in the bedroom. This is ludicrous. If he is looking at pornography, he is bonding with the pornography. Brain chemistry is potent, and it is both difficult and unlikely that people will overcome the addiction permanently once it grabs them. — Be a Man

Dear Man: There is a difference between nudity and pornography. No normal person would become addicted to porn after viewing Michelangelo’s David. But anything that debases women, airbrushes body flaws, shows sex acts, etc., is indeed porn and can be surprisingly addictive. Even a little can destroy marriages and lives.

Dear Annie: Last Christmas, my well-to-do in-laws told us they were going to donate to a charity in honor of us instead of gift giving. While this was fine at first, we didn’t get to choose our charity, and after giving it more thought, we told them to forget about it for us.

Giving to a charity is one thing, but giving to a charity while taking the write-off for themselves left us feeling like the only ones who benefited were my in-laws (for their tax deduction) and the charity they held dear. “Grinch in Arizona” must be related to the Frugal McDougals of New York. — Not Taking It with Us

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Walnut Grove: Fun facts, things to see

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1, 1 Comment

 
Ryde Hotel: A speakeasy from the past

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1, 2 Comments | Gallery

Walnut Grove shows a bit of historic Japan

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Solano County supervisors get raise

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A2, 10 Comments

Solano supervisors declare quake state of emergency

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A3

 
Weather for Aug. 27, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B3

Solano helps after Napa quake

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
 
 
Solano promotes hand washing

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A5, 2 Comments

Learn about local travel opportunities

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A6

 
Solano College to host college transfer fair

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A6

Golf tournament to benefit college sport’s teams

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A6

 
Man steals car from Fairfield resident

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A6, 6 Comments

 
Pierce Brosnan thriller kicks off week’s new films

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A7

Museum guild schedules trip to historic San Francisco home

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A8

 
 
 
3 die in I-680 crash; 2 from Vacaville

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A9, 10 Comments

 
Suisun City police log: Aug. 24, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A12

Suisun City police log: Aug. 23, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A12

 
Fairfield police log: Aug. 25, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

Suisun City police log: Aug. 25, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A12

 
Fairfield police log: Aug. 24, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A12

Fairfield police log: Aug. 23, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A12

 
.

US / World

Los Angeles schools halt iPad deal amid criticism

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Report finds 1,400 children exploited in UK town

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8, 1 Comment

Police: Slain woman ID’d ex-deputy as her attacker

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Officials: Instructor accidentally killed by girl

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8, 11 Comments

Judges blast Indiana, Wisconsin gay marriage bans

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
UN panel: Global warming human-caused, dangerous

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8, 1 Comment

Obama defends handling of veterans affairs issues

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8, 10 Comments

 
American woman held hostage in Syria

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Arab strikes in Libya show impatience with US

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8, 1 Comment

 
AP sources: US surveillance planes fly over Syria

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8, 2 Comments

Napa quake stirs clamor for warning system

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Putin and Poroshenko meet for bilateral talks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8, 1 Comment

Group files petition to idle coastal nuke plant

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Israel, Hamas agree to open-ended Gaza cease-fire

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8, 1 Comment

.

Opinion

Editorial cartoons for Aug. 27, 2014

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A11

 
Question of the week: Is US policy on hostages correct?

By Daily Republic | From Page: A11

Obama risks alienating Latinos from Dems

By Thomas Elias | From Page: A11, 1 Comment

 
How to reduce taxes without busting the budget

By Ramesh Ponnuru | From Page: A11

 
Abandoned carts are everyone’s responsibility

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A11, 12 Comments

.

Living

Today in History: Aug. 27, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Aug. 27, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

We were good parents. Why won’t our adult children help us out?

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B6

 
Horoscopes: Aug. 27, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B6

Choosing chutney

By Mcclatchy-Tribune News Service | From Page: B7

 
Banishing the blues with healthy blueberry muffins

By Sara Moulton | From Page: B7

.

Entertainment

Miley Cyrus’ date wanted by Oregon police

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
NBC’s Emmycast logs robust 15.6 million viewership

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

 
Women talk about sports on CBS Sports Network

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

.

Sports

Serena Williams beats American teen at US Open

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Carter’s HR in 8th leads Astros over A’s 4-2

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

US teen Bellis, 15, stuns Cibulkova at US Open

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Raiders CB DJ Hayden to start season on PUP list

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

49ers prepare for possible Aldon Smith suspension

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
TMS 2015 schedule springs back to night race

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Love struck: Kevin Love pledges commitment to Cavs

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Sarkisian: USC looking into Shaw’s heroic story

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Davis, US men beat Slovenia in basketball exhibition

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Latest Astrodome proposal: massive indoor park

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Bumgarner flirts with perfection, finishes with 1-hitter in Giants win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

No reason to feel sorry for Jim Furyk

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
.

Business

UN health agency urges crackdown on e-cigarettes

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8, 1 Comment

 
Survey: US consumer confidence near a 7-year high

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8, 1 Comment

Burger King buys, plans expansion of Tim Hortons

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8, 1 Comment

 
.

Obituaries

Lyle Cullum

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

 
Florentino”Paul” Castaneda Bersola

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

Nadine L Wetherell

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6