Tuesday, January 27, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My husband’s involvement with his ex-wife is causing a lot of stress

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for three years. He has three teenage children from a previous marriage.

His ex-wife is manipulative and controlling. She gets my husband to fix her stairs, give her gas money and pay for the kids’ school trips and extras, even though that is part of the child support. And somehow, we always end up with the kids here. Every weekend, she coincidently “has to work.” My husband and I have no time to be alone together. His ex has brainwashed the kids about me, convincing them I’m a horrible person and a threat to their existence. I’ve been nothing but welcoming, positive and kind, and I attend all of their activities.

She is trying to destroy our marriage, and it has caused major stress. My husband always takes the path of least resistance, which means doing whatever she asks. They text back and forth for hours on end, and she calls daily and not about the kids. It has reached the point where my husband hides all communication with her and deletes her texts so I can’t see them. I’m sure it’s so we won’t fight about it.

My husband was emotionally abused by this woman for 15 years. He is a good person with a heart of gold, but she’s taught the kids that Dad is a mean, crabby person. Any discipline or rules he tried to enforce were undermined by his ex in front of the kids. My husband now does the “guilt parenting,” not wanting to upset the kids or the ex, so the kids have no rules and are given everything they want.

I’m also losing trust, because my husband is so secretive about everything pertaining to her or the children. He refuses counseling. He seems more concerned about his ex than about our marriage. Any advice? — Hurt and Confused

Dear Hurt: Your husband is more concerned about losing his children’s affection (not his ex) than anything else. She is a nightmare, but he won’t stand up for himself. And when it turns into an argument with you, it only adds to the problem. We know you want “alone” time, but his kids are part of the package, and you must schedule around them, the same as any other parent. If you need counseling, please get it, even if your husband won’t go. Meanwhile, you can find help through the National Stepfamily Resource Center (stepfamilies.info).

Dear Annie: My sister’s daughter-in-law is pregnant with her first child, and my sister is in a dilemma about whether or not to host a baby shower. Her son and daughter-in-law never come to any family functions, and his wife has never attended any family bridal and baby shower. I seriously doubt that any family members would recognize her if they passed her on the street.

Is it tacky to have a baby shower and invite family members who really don’t know her? — Baby Shower Dilemma

Dear Dilemma: Technically, showers should not be given by immediate family members (e.g., grandma-to-be). Nonetheless, we know many people do this anyway. A shower is about providing for the child. Your sister wants to do something nice for her daughter-in-law and ensure a good relationship with the new grandchild. It’s OK to invite family members, and those who don’t wish to attend (for any reason) can RSVP that they won’t be there.

Dear Annie: “Concerned Reader” wrote in response to the letter from “Need Help,” the teenager with mood swings, painful headaches and weakness. “Concerned” suggested testing for Lyme disease. I’d like to add to that excellent suggestion that if the regular test is inconclusive, it is important to get a Western Blot Test that is more thorough. I know because it saved a friend from being misdiagnosed. — Concerned Reader

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. 

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Teen finds entrepreneurial path at young age

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1, 3 Comments | Gallery

 
Time for Relay for Life kickoff event

By Tony Wade | From Page: A2

 
Local government agencies post meeting times

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

Fairfield schedules workshop on downtown plan

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
Suisun Senior Center offers monthly dance

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
 
Wedding Faire offers one-stop browsing for couples

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3, 1 Comment | Gallery

Crab feed tradition continues this week

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
.

US / World

 
Boy shot by Los Angeles deputies treated for graze wound

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
US gas prices fell 13 cents per gallon, but expected to rise

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

2 Marines identified in deadly California helicopter crash

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Santa Ana winds knock out power to thousands in California

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Balloon crew launches in bid to break 2 major records

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Obama: Counterterrorism operations in Yemen not affected

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Obama to seek wilderness designation for Alaska refuge

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Navy wants to increase use of sonar-emitting buoys

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Ukraine: Phone calls prove rebels attacked city, killed 30

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Zambia: Edgar Lungu sworn in as new president

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Greek radical left wins election, threatening market turmoil

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

‘Potentially historic’ storm headed for Northeast

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Zoo offers creepy way for lovelorn to get even with exes

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
.

Opinion

Do elected officials get it?

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 19 Comments

 
Democracy or republic?

By Earl Heal | From Page: A8, 7 Comments

 
Editorial Cartoon: Jan. 26, 2015

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
.

Living

Community Calendar: Jan. 26, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Today in History: Jan. 26, 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Horoscope Jan. 27, 2015

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B5

 
Horoscope Jan. 26, 2015

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A7

 
My sister is jobless and homeless and I’m not sure how to help

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A7

.

Entertainment

TVGrid Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Complete list of winners at 21st annual SAG Awards

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

TVGrid Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Miss Colombia crowned Miss Universe in Miami

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
‘Birdman’ tops SAG Awards, Redmayne upsets Keaton

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

.

Sports

Curry leads Warriors to 19th straight home win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Serena Williams to meet Cibulkova in Aussie Open quarters

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Watt gets 2 turnovers, dances in friendly Pro Bowl

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Tavares scores 4, Team Toews outscores Team Foligno, 17-12

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
AP Interview: Selig says MLB could expand internationally

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Coach K gets 1,000th win as No. 5 Duke tops St. John’s 77-68

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Quinn has led Seattle to record-setting defense

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Chip Ganassi Racing’s ‘star car’ wins Rolex 24 at Daytona

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Patriots’ Browner gets a 2nd chance at a Super Bowl ring

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Family attorney: Cubs great Ernie Banks died of heart attack

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Bill Haas pulls away to win Humana Challenge

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Jeff Gordon to be Fox guest analyst during XFINITY season

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Sherman doubts any punishment ahead for Patriots

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
AP Source: Browns WR Josh Gordon fails another drug test

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

Don Johnson

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4, 8 Comments

 
Thomas Clark

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

.

Comics

Baby Blues Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Pickles Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Sally Forth Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Baldo Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Wizard of Id Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Rose is Rose Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Frank and Ernest Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Beetle Bailey Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Blondie Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Get Fuzzy Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Zits Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
B.C. Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Peanuts Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
For Better or Worse Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Dilbert Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Garfield Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Bridge Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Crossword Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Word Sleuth Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Sudoku Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Cryptoquote Jan 27

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Frank and Ernest Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Blondie Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Baldo Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Baby Blues Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Rose is Rose Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Sally Forth Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Dilbert Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Zits Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Wizard of Id Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Get Fuzzy Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Beetle Bailey Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Pickles Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Garfield Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

B.C. Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
For Better or Worse Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Peanuts Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Sudoku Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

Cryptoquote Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

 
Bridge Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

Word Sleuth Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

 
Crossword Jan 26

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7