Saturday, April 25, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My husband’s become a monster since he retired from law enforcement

By
From page C4 | November 18, 2012 |

Dear Annie: Not too long ago, my life was perfect: great marriage, good kids, well established in our community and a fantastic sex life. Three years ago, at the age of 49, my husband retired after a 30-year career in law enforcement. He retired with no plans, hobbies, friends or passions. Now our life is hell.

Four months before his retirement, my husband became stressed, and his entire personality changed. He has periods of obnoxious highs, but most days are violent lows. He sleeps 12 hours a day, has gained more than 50 pounds and complains constantly of health issues (although numerous doctor visits show nothing). He slams doors, throws things, is verbally abusive and makes threats of physical violence.

Everything he says is negative, and he spends a great deal of time making his family feel horrible and unworthy. He is paranoid and controlling. I quit my job in my mid-20s to be an at-home mom. He threatens to cut me off financially and reminds me that it’s his car, his home, his money.

Prior to his retirement, we were happy, talked about everything and couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Now, we never talk, and sex happens twice a year. Everyone in the family has suggested he get help, but he says it’s all our fault. People avoid us, we have no friends, and our kids steer clear. It breaks my heart.

I love my husband deeply, but cannot stand the monster he’s become. How do I get this man help when he clearly does not want it? It’s taking a terrible toll. — Want My Husband Back

Dear Want: Your husband may be bipolar, his retirement may have triggered severe depression, or his anxiety may have pushed him over the edge. But he needs professional assistance. His behavior sounds increasingly abusive, which could be dangerous to those around him. Since he seems willing to see a physician, please notify the doctor in advance of your husband’s behavioral issues. Also contact NAMI (nami.org) and the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org). And we strongly recommend the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org).

Dear Annie: My best friend doesn’t have a car. I give her rides to work, to the supermarket and out to eat. She knows my schedule, and sometimes I have to lie to her because all this chauffeuring becomes too much for me. When I’m not able to give her a ride, she calls me a liar and won’t speak to me for days.

I’ve known her for 10 years. I love her and don’t want to lose her friendship. What can I do? — Male Best Friend in N.J.

Dear N.J.: This “friend” is taking advantage of you. If you’ve had enough, tell her, “I can’t afford to keep giving you rides unless you chip in for gas.” Or, if driving her is simply inconvenient, you can tell her that (but nicely). It might help if you both try to remember that you are doing her a favor, and not the other way around. Her anger is manipulative, and you should not respond to that sort of blackmail.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Mom of Nos. 2 through 4,” who wrote that her mother-in-law favors her oldest granddaughter.

My oldest sister, “Tara,” was everything to my grandmother. My younger sister and I were just “there.” It got worse as we got older, and we began resenting our grandmother. She could have had a very rich, loving life if she had treated us all alike. Instead, she never had the opportunity to know us and died a lonely woman. None of her grandchildren came to visit, and she often wondered why.

I guess what goes around really does come around. The mother-in-law will be the one who loses out. — Made It Through and Doing Fine

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Transportation leaders point to need for funding changes

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A1, 3 Comments | Gallery

 
Together to remember children lost to violence

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
‘Cinderella’ carries on despite theater flood

By Bill Hicks | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
3 letters to Vacaville may cost $100,000 to answer

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3

 
Church offers free Southern Gospel concert

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

Summer Spare the Air season set to start

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A3, 1 Comment

 
Suisun City police log: April 23, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

Fairfield police log: April 23, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

 
Food often a conduit to something more

By Murray Bass | From Page: B10

 
.

US / World

San Francisco Catholics deeply divided over archbishop

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Colleges starting to offer brewing courses

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Hate crime charges for homeless beating suspect

By The Associated Press | From Page: A3, 1 Comment

 
Supreme Court ruling keeps sex offender registration in place

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

SFPD to pay for settlement of wrongful termination suit

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
16 students injured when school stage collapses

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Thousands march to mark anniversary of Armenian massacres

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Man ordered to stand trial for kidnap, rape charges

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Nuclear launch officers charged in drug case

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Rubio looking to gain support in Iowa

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Hep C, HIV cases spike throughout Indiana

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 3 Comments

 
Obama uses hospital funds to help push for Medicaid expansion

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Hawaii raises smoking age to 21

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Police: Gray should have received medical treatment

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Italy police arrest nine terror suspects in sweep

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

 
Yemen rebels ordered to pull back

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

US completing review of hostage policy following drone strikes

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

 
.

Opinion

Joy of baseball back in my life

By Deon Price | From Page: A8, 3 Comments

 
Chaos in the primaries

By Thomas Sowell | From Page: A8, 5 Comments

 
.

Living

Community Calendar: April 25, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Today in History: April 25, 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Horoscopes: April 25, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B5

 
Daughters’ ex is determined to turn their children against her

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B5

.

Entertainment

Seriously silly, Monty Python reunites for a weekend tribute

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

.

Sports

After working OT in NBA playoffs, Curry, Rose can earn rest

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
SCC baseball team wins to claim share of BVC title

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B1, 2 Comments

Ynoa, Butler send Rockies to 6-4 win over Giants

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Vikings fall to Jaguars 4-3 in 8 innings

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B1

Bowyer and Stewart looking for good runs at Richmond

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Oregon wins distance medley relay at Penn Relays

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Goodell: LA projects viable for bringing back team

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Former Buckeyes teammates Cook, Sindelar top Legends of Golf

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Swafford, Weekley atop Zurich Classic leaderboard

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Logano wins pole at Richmond, his third of the season

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Usain Bolt: Gay’s reduced doping ban sends wrong message

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Scott Dixon is chasing IndyCar wins leaders, not spotlight

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Ducking the spotlight, some stars decide to skip NFL draft

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Garber: MLS plan in 6 months to expand beyond 24 teams

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Dortmund, American Pharoah vie for favorite in 141st Derby

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Harden, Howard lead Rockets to 130-128 win, 3-0 lead on Mavs

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Olympic sailing events may be moved from Rio’s polluted bay

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Canadian Henderson shoots tournament record for LPGA lead

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Signups for Saturday, April 25, 2015

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B3

.

Business

Cheaper fuel has airlines soaring to record profits

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

 
Wynn Resorts shareholders: Elaine Wynn won’t return to board

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

Ford recalls 390,000 cars to fix door latches

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

 
Winners and losers of the demise of the big Comcast deal

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

What could McDonald’s do to fix its business?

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6 | Gallery

 
Durable goods orders up, but business investment falls again

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

Harley recalls nearly 46,000 motorcycles

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

 
Comcast abandons Time Warner Cable bid after gov’t pushback

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6 | Gallery

.

Obituaries

Elizabeth Cepeda

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

 
Kirk Noonan

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Sandra King

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
.

Home Seller 4/25/2015

Ask a Designer: decorating with spring pastels

By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR1 | Gallery

Real estate transactions for April 25, 2015

By Daily Republic | From Page: HSR3

Average US rate on 30-year mortgage slips to 3.65 percent

By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR3