Sunday, April 19, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My husband spends hours on the phone talking to his mother

Dear Annie: I have been married to a special man for 23 years. The problem is, he has too close of a relationship with his mother. It doesn’t allow the two of us to have any adult space.

We didn’t entirely get along under one roof because he would say critical and hurtful things to me. About 10 years ago, I moved down the road into my own space. Since then, we have gotten along better and are much kinder to each other. The problem, however, is my mother-in-law. She insists on calling my husband and talking for several hours every Sunday. I used to talk to her, too, but grew bored with it because I had nothing to say after 20 minutes. He loves small talk.

I wanted time for the two of us to have an occasional weekend alone, but he always had this obligatory hours-long phone call. I decided to tolerate this and took a Sunday job so I’d keep busy. But gradually, the calls encroached on the rest of our week. Every time we took a trip together, she’d call multiple times while he was driving to be certain he hadn’t crashed. She somehow manages to call every time we are intimate. And of course, the real problem is that my husband answers these calls or lets the answering machine pick them up so we can hear her message. She is amazingly loud. How am I supposed to be passionate when I can hear her booming voice in the background?

Annie, I’ve tried everything. I asked him to phone her before my visits so we could have some time alone. I’ve asked him to let her know we need time to ourselves. But I’m worn out. I’ve stopped asking. I rarely visit him these days.

My father-in-law was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. Am I being small-minded now that she has real worries and fears? — Phoenix

Dear Phoenix: The fact that your mother-in-law is going through some difficult times means you should be kind and considerate, even helpful when possible, but not a doormat. If you could periodically phone or visit her to see how she’s doing, or offer to bring groceries or stay with her husband so she can have a break, those would be kind gestures. But your husband has chosen not to limit his mother’s phone calls even though it interferes with his relationship with you. That is unlikely to change, especially now.

Dear Annie: I do not have a dishwasher. I wash all of my dishes and silverware by hand. I place my silverware in the dish drain rack with the handles down and the eating end up. I think it makes sense that the water drains away from the eating end, making it more sanitary. And the bottom of the drain can accumulate all kinds of detritus. Why would I want my fork tines in that?

My friend disagrees and says it should be the other way around so that you don’t catch your hand on a knife while emptying the dish rack. What do you say? — Em from Indy

Dear Em: We’re with you when it comes to forks, spoons and butter knives, but sharp knives should be placed facing down in order to avoid injury.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Less Generous.” I, too, consider myself thoughtful and generous. For years I sent cards, gifts, photos, etc., for every occasion. My efforts seemed to go unappreciated, so I stopped. I now focus on the people who do respond to my efforts, and I cultivate those relationships.

I am teaching my 7-year-old daughter to write thank-you notes. She says, “Do I have to?” I say, “Yes. If someone made the effort to think of you, then you need to acknowledge their effort.” I hope it sticks. — Still Generous

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. 

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Waiting game: Woman, toddler hope for kidney transplants

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: C1, 2 Comments | Gallery

 
Tiny twins call Heather House their 1st home

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A1, 46 Comments | Gallery

Solano ranks last in Bay Area for health

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A1, 2 Comments | Gallery

 
SID to consider water rate hikes

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A1

 
 
City announces Browns Valley Road closures

By Bill Hicks | From Page: A3

Healthier Living program begins mid-May

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A3

 
Bachelor party turns into community event

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3, 3 Comments | Gallery

Il Fiorello serves up chocolate desserts

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Coping with seasonal allergies

By Emerita Brigino-Buenaventura, M.d | From Page: C4

When to throw in the towel on sickly plants

By Karen Metz | From Page: C4

 
Church hosts health, wellness fair

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Solano superhero back in school

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A5

 
Home, garden show offers something for everyone

By Bill Hicks | From Page: A6 | Gallery

Weather for Sunday, April 19, 2015

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B6

 
Fairfield hotel gets major renovation

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
Teen victim of Dixon shooting dies

By Bill Hicks | From Page: A7, 5 Comments

Land use, design, project synergy key to growth

By Brian Miller and Karl Dumas | From Page: B7

 
Vanden robotics team ready to compete in world championships

By Bill Hicks | From Page: A7 | Gallery

2 nations at center of market drop

By Bud Stevenson | From Page: B7

 
Fairfield police log: April 17, 2015

By Glen Faison | From Page: A9

Suisun City police log: April 17, 2015

By Glen Faison | From Page: A9

 
Commissary-Exchange pairing gains steam

By Nick DeCicco | From Page: B10

Airmen with county ties complete training

By Nick DeCicco | From Page: B10

 
.

US / World

Time plus distance help some Oklahoma City victims move on

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
San Francisco marks anniversary of 1906 earthquake

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Scarlett O’Hara outfit fetches $137,000 at auction

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Turin Shroud goes back on display for faithful and curious

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
French replica of revolutionary frigate sets sail for Boston

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

 
Islamic State blamed for Afghan suicide bombing killing 35

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

.

Opinion

Talk about corruption

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 8 Comments

 
Justice not served

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 25 Comments

Clinton should spruce up a bit

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 26 Comments

 
 
Sound off for April 19, 2015

By Daily Republic | From Page: A8, 2 Comments

 
.

Living

Community Calendar: April 19, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Today in history: Sunday, April 19, 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Vatican unexpectedly ends crackdown of US nun group

By The Associated Press | From Page: C3

Horoscopes: April 19, 2015

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: C4

 
Wife needs to decide if she can tolerate husband’s binge drinking

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: C4

.

Entertainment

PUBLISHERS WEEKLY BEST-SELLERS

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

 
Anna Kendrick has book of essays coming out in 2016

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

Phil Klay, Leslie Jamison among PEN award nominees

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

 
.

Sports

Crawford, Heston lead Giants to win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Curry scores 34, Warriors beat Pelicans 106-99 in Game 1

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Reddick’s 3-run homer sends A’s to 5-0 victory over Royals

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Cal defense shines for a change at scripted spring game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Tom Watson: Next Masters might be his last

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Free agent center Wisniewski signs 1-year deal with Jaguars

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Pete Rose hired by Fox as special guest studio analyst

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Marcotte, Ryan win US cycling Criterium championships

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Independent league experiments with 3-ball walks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Merritt maintains edge through 3 rounds at RBC Heritage

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Jones throws 2 TDs, wins challenge at Ohio State spring game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Serena Williams gets a rare test from Giorgi but holds on

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Rose scores 23, Bulls beat Bucks 103-91

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Harden has 24 points, Rockets beat Mavs 118-108 in Game 1

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Pierce leads Wizards past Raptors in OT in Game 1

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

As Spurs know, international players can impact NBA playoffs

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
Hometown report: Little League baseball

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B4

Hometown report: Youth track

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B4

 
Kenseth content in car and not contemplating retirement

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

Logano leads flag-to-flag to win Xfinity race at Bristol

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

 
This date in sports history for April 19

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
.

Business

Using a prepaid card? Avoid getting socked with fees

By The Washington Post | From Page: B7

 
Recalls this week: blowers, bike hooks, mattresses, toys

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

This year’s fight for the tech industry: Patent trolls

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
IMS: US prescription drug spending jumped 13 percent in 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

Fast-growing Asian aviation confronts safety challenges

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9 | Gallery

 
 
.

Obituaries

Carole Anspach

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Robert Larkin

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Barbara Medders

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Carrol “Carl” Gordon Parker

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

John Thompson

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Allen Ellsworth Dolby Sr.

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Sterling Jenkins

By Nancy Green | From Page: A5

 
.

Comics