Thursday, November 20, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My husband refuses to acknowledge that his flirtation with another woman was wrong

By
From page A9 | December 07, 2012 |

Dear Annie: Three months ago, my husband and I were introduced to a couple through mutual friends. My husband could not take his eyes off the woman all evening. They arranged to go on an all-day seminar course together. The course leader took a suggestive photo of them that he circulated to all his male friends. Shortly after, he asked for a divorce out of the blue, saying I criticized him too much.

I snooped on his computer and found the photo along with other highly flirtatious emails, one of them arranging to meet this woman during the day. Both of them made excuses, telling her boyfriend and our mutual friends that they had accidentally bumped into each other. Shortly after that, she broke up with her boyfriend while he was undergoing chemotherapy.

I never told my husband that I knew about their flirtation, as I wanted to see where it was headed. When my husband said maybe we should work on our marriage, we went for couples counseling. That’s when I brought it up, showing the counselor all of the photographs and emails I found.

My husband says he did nothing wrong, that I ruined a good friendship, and that he feels “violated” because I snooped on his computer. He has since changed all of his passwords. But he still wants to work on our marriage.

If he thinks he did nothing wrong, it makes me believe he will do it again, and who knows where it will lead? How can I work on our marriage if he won’t acknowledge that his actions were more than “friendly”? — In Limbo

Dear Limbo: Your counselor should be addressing these issues during your sessions. If that hasn’t happened, please go back and try again. Your husband needs to admit that his interest in this woman was inappropriate and put your marriage at risk. There are also trust and communication issues. This is what counseling is for. The two of you have a lot of work to do, but it requires honesty all around.

Dear Annie: My aunt’s son is a drug addict. He has been in and out of jail and treatment centers, and she has not spoken to many of us over the years.

My aunt is planning on coming to my grandmother’s home for Christmas dinner and bringing her son. I do not feel comfortable around my cousin. I think he is dangerous. My relatives say it’s time for the family to heal, and I should forgive him. They are all willing to sit down with him because they think he is clean and drug-free. I don’t trust that he is, and I don’t want my children in his presence. What do you think? — Niece

Dear Niece: You should protect your children from anyone who poses a danger. But you aren’t giving your cousin a chance to reintegrate himself into the family if he is, in fact, clean. We understand your reluctance to be around him, but addicts who are making a sincere effort need the emotional support of their families. How long has he claimed to be drug-free? Is there any evidence that he has relapsed? You might consider stopping by Grandma’s house without your children to check on the situation and say hello, and then have your Christmas dinner elsewhere.

Dear Annie: This is for “North Carolina,” who does not appreciate his boss’s language. Since the boss is willing to work on it, I suggest he place a “Fine Jar” on the table with a list of words and their corresponding fines. Every time anyone says one of the words, he has to pay the fine. The money can go toward refreshments at the next meeting or to charity.

This game makes light of the problem while reinforcing better behavior. It worked for me in a highly sensitive job where the boss had an enormous ego. — Neighbor in Kentucky

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | 1 comment

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • JenniferDecember 07, 2012 - 11:09 am

    Dear Annie a lot of guys flirt it's their nature. So do women it's just what adults due these days . If you don't trust your husband then maybe you shouldn't be with him. A lot of guys have lady friends . Just like women they have a lot of guy friends . Maybe they did run into each other . Who's to say they didn't. Maybe he's just trying to be her freind. If your that worried then you should tell the other women hands off go find your own man. If you have no trust in your relationship. You have nothing . You need to remember who is wearing the wedding on their left hand you are not the other women. All men look at women as all women look at men. I've been married 24 years . I look at guys all the time . It dosen't mean any thing. If your that un happy then get out.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
.

Solano News

Solano cheerleaders travel to NYC for holiday parade

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Let’s honor veterans throughout year

By Mayrene Bates | From Page: A2

 
Lawyers outline strategy in Fairfield homicide case

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3

 
 
Suisun City Hall critic takes town to task over residential ‘junkyard’

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3Comments are off for this post

 
 
NAACP chapter to conduct officer elections

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A4

 
Sport Chalet offers underwater photos with Santa

By Susan Hiland | From Page: B5

Nut Tree to donate vintage barn doors to ReStore

By Susan Winlow | From Page: B5

 
Suisun City police log: Nov. 18, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10, 4 Comments

Weather for Nov. 20, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B10

 
Fairfield police log: Nov. 18, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

.

US / World

Analyst: No ‘fiscal cliff’ when tax hikes end

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Tuition hikes tentatively approved in California

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 1 Comment

Police: Gunman killed after shooting at FSU

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Obama to announce immigration action Thursday

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 23 Comments

Cuban couple keeps rodents called hutias as pets

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2, 1 Comment

 
Self-driving cars: safer, but what of their morals

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 2 Comments

5 children in San Jose home with barricade man

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Berkeley OKs plan for gas-pump climate change labels

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

First of 3 storms douses fields, delays flights

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Vets’ moms to Congress: Boost suicide prevention

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

Buffalo area hit with epic snow – with more coming

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

 
Right-to-die advocate’s video out after death

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 3 Comments

Early statin use may give long-term heart benefits

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Health system reveals hospital gown to cover rears

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

Police: Man crawled into sunken car, saved baby

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 3 Comments

 
CDC chief drops worst-case Ebola estimate

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

New Kurdish offensive targets Islamic State group

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
US airstrike hits al-Qaida-held town in Syria

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Hotel charges couple for negative review of it

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
New US ambassador has tough job in Moscow

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Military leader becomes Burkina Faso prime minster

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

 
CERN scientists discover 2 new subatomic particles

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Kerry in diplomatic overdrive on Iran nuclear deal

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
N. Korea threatens to beef up military capability

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Colombian girl’s dad had her swallow cocaine caps

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
.

Opinion

 
Gambling on Proposition 47

By Kelvin Wade | From Page: A7

How and why the GOP won

By Jennifer Rubin | From Page: A7, 8 Comments

 
.

Living

Today in History: Nov. 20, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Nov. 20, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

My lady’s mother doesn’t like me and wants me to move out

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A9

 
Horoscopes: Nov. 20, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A9

.

Entertainment

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Library honoring Billy Joel with pop music prize

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Motown singer Jimmy Ruffin dies at age 78

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Multiple fractures for Bono in NY bicycle accident

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Auction of Presley items set for January

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
.

Sports

 
Brooks apologizes to 49ers for harsh words

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Chiefs look to avoid letdown vs. winless Raiders

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Carrie, Rogers out for Raiders with injuries

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Butler and A’s finalize $30 million, 3-year deal

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Rudy Gay happy to be with Sacramento Kings

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Union, NFL at odds over personal conduct policy

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
NBA suspends Hornets’ Jeffery Taylor 24 games

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Stanton signs record $325M deal at news conference

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Nothing settled going into LPGA Tour finale

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Collins, NBA’s 1st openly gay player, to retire

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

NFL fines Lynch $50,000 for not speaking to media

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
NASCAR’s Kurt Busch meets with investigators

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

.

Business

Yahoo replaces Google as Firefox’s default search

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Showdown looms between US gov’t, air bag maker

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

Obama picks NTSB member as new auto safety chief

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
JetBlue to add bag fees on cheapest tickets

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5, 1 Comment

US stocks drift lower after release of Fed minutes

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Automakers debut key models at L.A. Auto Show

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9