Friday, August 29, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My husband refuses to acknowledge that his flirtation with another woman was wrong

By
From page A9 | December 07, 2012 |

Dear Annie: Three months ago, my husband and I were introduced to a couple through mutual friends. My husband could not take his eyes off the woman all evening. They arranged to go on an all-day seminar course together. The course leader took a suggestive photo of them that he circulated to all his male friends. Shortly after, he asked for a divorce out of the blue, saying I criticized him too much.

I snooped on his computer and found the photo along with other highly flirtatious emails, one of them arranging to meet this woman during the day. Both of them made excuses, telling her boyfriend and our mutual friends that they had accidentally bumped into each other. Shortly after that, she broke up with her boyfriend while he was undergoing chemotherapy.

I never told my husband that I knew about their flirtation, as I wanted to see where it was headed. When my husband said maybe we should work on our marriage, we went for couples counseling. That’s when I brought it up, showing the counselor all of the photographs and emails I found.

My husband says he did nothing wrong, that I ruined a good friendship, and that he feels “violated” because I snooped on his computer. He has since changed all of his passwords. But he still wants to work on our marriage.

If he thinks he did nothing wrong, it makes me believe he will do it again, and who knows where it will lead? How can I work on our marriage if he won’t acknowledge that his actions were more than “friendly”? — In Limbo

Dear Limbo: Your counselor should be addressing these issues during your sessions. If that hasn’t happened, please go back and try again. Your husband needs to admit that his interest in this woman was inappropriate and put your marriage at risk. There are also trust and communication issues. This is what counseling is for. The two of you have a lot of work to do, but it requires honesty all around.

Dear Annie: My aunt’s son is a drug addict. He has been in and out of jail and treatment centers, and she has not spoken to many of us over the years.

My aunt is planning on coming to my grandmother’s home for Christmas dinner and bringing her son. I do not feel comfortable around my cousin. I think he is dangerous. My relatives say it’s time for the family to heal, and I should forgive him. They are all willing to sit down with him because they think he is clean and drug-free. I don’t trust that he is, and I don’t want my children in his presence. What do you think? — Niece

Dear Niece: You should protect your children from anyone who poses a danger. But you aren’t giving your cousin a chance to reintegrate himself into the family if he is, in fact, clean. We understand your reluctance to be around him, but addicts who are making a sincere effort need the emotional support of their families. How long has he claimed to be drug-free? Is there any evidence that he has relapsed? You might consider stopping by Grandma’s house without your children to check on the situation and say hello, and then have your Christmas dinner elsewhere.

Dear Annie: This is for “North Carolina,” who does not appreciate his boss’s language. Since the boss is willing to work on it, I suggest he place a “Fine Jar” on the table with a list of words and their corresponding fines. Every time anyone says one of the words, he has to pay the fine. The money can go toward refreshments at the next meeting or to charity.

This game makes light of the problem while reinforcing better behavior. It worked for me in a highly sensitive job where the boss had an enormous ego. — Neighbor in Kentucky

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | 1 comment

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • JenniferDecember 07, 2012 - 11:09 am

    Dear Annie a lot of guys flirt it's their nature. So do women it's just what adults due these days . If you don't trust your husband then maybe you shouldn't be with him. A lot of guys have lady friends . Just like women they have a lot of guy friends . Maybe they did run into each other . Who's to say they didn't. Maybe he's just trying to be her freind. If your that worried then you should tell the other women hands off go find your own man. If you have no trust in your relationship. You have nothing . You need to remember who is wearing the wedding on their left hand you are not the other women. All men look at women as all women look at men. I've been married 24 years . I look at guys all the time . It dosen't mean any thing. If your that un happy then get out.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
.

Solano News

Hood-Courtland: Small towns boast interesting facts

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1

 
Opponents: State water plan will destroy Delta

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1, 5 Comments | Gallery

Vallejo Symphony launches new season Sept. 21

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

 
Prolific pears rule Courtland area

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1 | Gallery

1 critical after 2 shot at Fairfield bus stop

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A1, 22 Comments | Gallery

 
New role for symphony conductor begins next year

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

 
Vallejo festival will celebrate Wilderness Act anniversary

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

 
Vacaville man convicted of fifth DUI

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3, 8 Comments

 
Suisun police plan holiday weekend checkpoint

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3, 4 Comments

 
No plea as Vacaville homicide suspect appears in court

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3, 9 Comments | Gallery

 
 
Solano continues to deal with earthquake

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A4, 2 Comments

 
Bunting earns praise for role in paint case

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A5

 
Fairfield police log: Aug. 27, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A8

 
Suisun City police log: Aug. 27, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A8

Weather for Aug. 29, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B14

 
.

US / World

Mom won’t be charged in school confrontation

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

 
California Supreme Court pick confirmed

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Assembly approves statewide ban on plastic bags

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 2 Comments | Gallery

 
Feds to resume leasing for fracking in California

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

High school buddies followed similar path to jihad

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Drugs killed Oklahoma inmate in troubled execution

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

Gun tourism grows in popularity in recent years

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8

 
Obama sets no timeline for action on immigration

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8, 2 Comments

4 killed in New Mexico crash of medical flight

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8

 
US rebukes Oklahoma for ditching school standards

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8

Suit claims police brutality at Ferguson protests

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8, 2 Comments

 
Flight diverts to Boston over reclined-seat upset

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8, 1 Comment

Testimony wraps up in former Va. governor trial

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8

 
Q&A: Few laws govern children at shooting range

By The Associated Press | From Page: A8

Obama rules out US military action in Ukraine

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
UN Security Council meets on Ukraine crisis

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

Russian columns enter Ukraine; leader urges calm

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
Europe seeks role in postwar Gaza

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13 | Gallery

UN: Armed group detains 43 peacekeepers in Syria

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

 
A look at the Islamic State militants in Syria

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

Jihadists kill dozens of captured Syrian soldiers

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

 
UN: Ebola disease caseload could reach 20,000

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

Attempt to call missing jet may alter search area

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13 | Gallery

 
.

Opinion

How about keeping our ISIS plan secret?

By Bud Stevenson | From Page: A11, 25 Comments

 
What should the US do about the Islamic State?

By Ben Boychuk and Joel Mathis | From Page: A11, 4 Comments

 
Question of the week: Is US policy on hostages correct?

By Daily Republic | From Page: A11

More ways to help stop bullies

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A11

 
.

Living

Community Calendar: Aug. 29, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Today in History: Aug. 29, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

How do I deal with my overweight cousin who smells like cat urine?

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B13, 1 Comment

 
Horoscopes: Aug. 29, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B13

.

Entertainment

Week in preview Aug. 29-Sept. 4

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

 
Review: Ex-007 actor spying again in ‘Nov. Man’

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Review: ‘As Above’ so-so

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Review: The case against binge-watching TV

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

Entertainment calendar: Aug. 29, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: B4

 
Jolie, Pitt wed privately at chateau in France

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
.

Sports

Borland returns pick for TD, 49ers beat Texans

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
Carr’s 3 TDs lead Raiders past Seahawks 41-31

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

Prep football preview: Rio Vista looks to get back to playoffs

By Marcus Lomtong | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
Angels rally in 10th for 4-3 win over Oakland

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

Record-setting Petit leads Giants past Rockies 4-1

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
Mickelson in a bind with 4 straight playoff events

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Weakened US team aims for world basketball title

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Rise in flags makes NFL defenders wary of contact

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

After Rice, NFL increases domestic violence bans

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
USC coach accepts some blame in Shaw situation

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Williams overcomes 3 early double-faults to win at U.S. Open

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

 
Local youngster will play baseball on national stage

By Marcus Lomtong | From Page: B9, 1 Comment | Gallery

Week Zero prep football capsules

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B9

 
Signups for Friday, Aug. 29, 2014

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B10

Stewart returning to competition after fatal crash

By The Associated Press | From Page: B10 | Gallery

 
Sports on TV/Local sports for Friday, Aug. 29, 2014

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B11

This date in sports history for Friday, Aug. 29, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

 
Power looks for elusive IndyCar title at Fontana

By The Associated Press | From Page: B14

.

Business

M235i revives classic BMW memories

By Ann M. Job | From Page: C1

 
Average US 30-year mortgage rate at 4.1 percent

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

Obama touts revised economic growth numbers

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

 
US economy grew at brisk 4.2 pct. rate in Q2

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

Ukraine conflict weighs on markets; Retailers fall

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

 
Abercrombie name to shrink from clothing

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6, 1 Comment | Gallery

Survey: Americans’ pessimism on economy has grown

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

 
Apple to unveil next products at Sept. 9 event

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6, 1 Comment | Gallery

.

Obituaries

Frank W. Moy Jr.

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

 
Gary Allen Person

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

.

Comics

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

 
Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

 
Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

 
Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

 
Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

 
Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B12

Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B13

 
Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B13

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B13

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B13