Saturday, January 31, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My friend’s wife drinks too much, verbally abuses her husband

Dear Annie: As a witness to a friend’s marriage, I vowed to help keep their relationship strong. Would you please print something I could give them about verbal abuse?

His wife has a serious drinking problem, and when she’s had too much, she goes berserk, screaming hateful things to her husband in front of others. It’s horrific. I can’t tell whether it’s only the alcohol talking or whether she has deep-seated issues. I realize there will be no change until she admits she has a problem.

They do sporadically see a therapist, but it doesn’t seem to be helping much. Is there anything I can do to spur her on? — Feeling Helpless

Dear Helpless: The signs of verbal abuse include: a spouse who calls you names; who is critical, sarcastic or mocking in an effort to humiliate or embarrass you; who yells or swears at you; who uses threats to intimidate you; who blames you for his or her behavior; who dismisses your feelings.

However, it sounds as if the verbal abuse is triggered by the alcohol, so that should be the first problem to work on. Otherwise, it may be too difficult for her to control her behavior when she’s drinking. You cannot do this for her, nor can you make it better for him. However, both you and your friend can look for a meeting of Al-Anon (al-anon-alateen.org). Also, please encourage him to see the therapist more regularly. They both need ongoing guidance. It will be hard work.

Dear Annie: I’ve been going out with “Bill” for six months. He is 65. The problem is, whenever we go out, he constantly looks at younger women. This makes me very insecure. I also think it is disrespectful. How can I get him to stop? — Not Happy

Dear Not: Is he glancing or ogling? You cannot expect Bill not to notice an attractive woman, whatever her age. If these looks are mere brief glances, we’d leave such behavior alone. It doesn’t mean anything, and you shouldn’t overreact. However, if Bill is staring, ogling, flirting, spinning his head around to get a better look or comparing her to you, this is unfair and disrespectful. You should let him know that it hurts you when he seems more interested in another woman than in you, and you’d appreciate it if he would try to control such behavior. His reaction will let you know whether you have a serious problem or not.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “At My Wits’ End.” I, too, was in an abusive marriage for 16 years. He berated me, telling me I was no good and couldn’t do anything right. I was not allowed to shop for groceries because only he knew what we needed. Every four years, he bought a new car, but when I totaled mine, he said we couldn’t afford to replace it. He told me my own family hated me. I no longer had any friends because no one could stand him.

Two months ago, he made a big mistake. He hit me. Once he crossed that line, I realized he had to go. It took me a long time, but I finally found the courage to throw him out. He left my house a week ago and took most of the furniture, but I can’t believe how happy I am. I am no longer afraid of his reaction to everything I do. I’ve rediscovered my friends and found out that my family members never hated me. I’m 72 now, and my children are looking after my needs without my having to ask. They are proud of me for finally getting smart and saying “enough.”

I hope “At My Wits’ End” takes your advice and gets out, because she’ll feel so much better. She’ll come alive again. — Finally Saw the Light in Pittsburgh, PA

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. 

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Articles

  • Enter your email address to subscribe and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • .

    Solano News

    Solano County confirms 1st local case of measles

    By Staff and wire reports | From Page: A1, 3 Comments

     
    SPCA begins caring for more than 100 rescued dogs

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A1, 4 Comments | Gallery

     
     
    Top workers, top students – and succulent crab

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

    Partial Fairfield freeway road closure starts Monday

    By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3

     
    DUI patrols set for Super Bowl Sunday

    By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3

    Armijo students savor catered Fuddruckers lunch

    By Susan Hiland And Susan Winlow | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Fairfield police log: Jan. 29, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

     
    Suisun City police log: Jan. 29, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

     
    .

    US / World

    Stanford University to get $50 million to produce vaccines

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A3

     
    Man charged in California family’s deaths will be own lawyer

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A3

    PG&E releases thousands of emails with state regulators

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

     
    Yosemite park fee hikes coming in March

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

    San Francisco coroner says human remains are from 1 man

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

     
    Balloon crew makes history crossing Pacific Ocean

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    Murder trial begins 35 years after 6-year-old vanished in NY

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Judge: Funeral home wrongly sold Lee Harvey Oswald’s casket

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    Jordan awaits proof hostage is alive after swap deadline

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Judge expresses doubt about constitutionality of no-fly list

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    French fracture laid bare as 8-year-old praises terrorists

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    US mulls Middle East-North Africa category for 2020 Census

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    .

    Opinion

     
    GOP should plan for post-Obamacare world

    By Ramesh Ponnuru | From Page: A8, 16 Comments

    Editorial Cartoon: Jan. 31, 2015

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

     
    Solano College news makes me sick

    By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 2 Comments

    .

    Living

    Today in History: Jan. 31, 2015

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Community Calendar: Jan. 31, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

    Horoscopes: Jan. 31, 2015

    By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B7

     
    My recently widowed mother is already thinking about re-marrying

    By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B7

    Five ways 3D-printed food will change the way we eat

    By The Washington Post | From Page: B10, 1 Comment

     
    .

    Entertainment

    TVGrid

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

     
    List: 10 Super Bowl ads you’ll be talking about

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

    Rod McKuen, mega-selling poet and performer, dies at 81

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

     
    Miranda Lambert leads ACM Awards with 8 nominations

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

    Shakira gives birth to 2nd baby with Spanish football star

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Sports

     
    Hayward, Utah Jazz upset Golden State Warriors 110-100

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

    LeBron returns, Love, Irving team for 44, as Cavs top Kings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

     
    Mustangs ride away from Indian’s home court with 66-60 victory

    By Marcus Lomtong | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Laird leads as Tiger shoots 82 and misses the cut

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Seau, Warner, Pace first-time Hall eligibles

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    N.H. Speedway general manager faces lewdness charge

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Judge: Jury can watch Super Bowl unless Hernandez mentioned

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Blackhawks Hall of Famer Stan Mikita has brain disorder

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Ko takes lead at LPGA opener, closes in on golf history

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Djokovic beats Wawrinka to reach fifth Australian Open final

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Kings’ Cousins to replace Kobe Bryant in All-Star game

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Carroll says decision is Sherman’s if baby arrives early

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

    NFL’s Goodell seeks to look past ‘tough year,’ to future

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

     
    This date in sports history for Jan. 31, 2015

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

     
    .

    Business

    US consumer confidence at highest level in a decade

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

     
    Companies steering clear of Super Bowl name

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B5, 1 Comment

    .

    Obituaries

    Danica Gojkovich Ryder

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

     
    Anneliese Edith (Luckner) Fraser

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

    .

    Comics

    Get Fuzzy

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Wizard of Id

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    For Better or Worse

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Beetle Bailey

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Pickles

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Blondie

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Zits

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Garfield

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Peanuts

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    B.C.

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Dilbert

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Frank and Ernest

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Baldo

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Rose is Rose

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Baby Blues

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Sally Forth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Sudoku

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

     
    Crossword

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

    Bridge

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

     
    Cryptoquote

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

    Word Sleuth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

     
    .

    Home Seller 1/31/2015

    Quirky add-ons a common feature of celebrity homes

    By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR2

    Real estate transactions for Jan. 31, 2015

    By Daily Republic | From Page: HSR3

    5 ways to make a kitchen more germ-free

    By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR3

    Average US rate on 30-year mortgage rises to 3.66 percent

    By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR3