Monday, March 2, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My friend complains that I don’t listen or validate her problems

Dear Annie: I’ve been close friends with “Jane” for years. Recently, Jane said she feels I do not listen or validate her problems but instead offer her unsolicited advice when all she wants to do is vent.

I apologized for not being a good listener. But, Annie, she complained to me that she is losing her job and her house and wants to leave her husband. My “unsolicited advice” was that she seek counseling. Jane became angry and said she doesn’t need counseling.

When Jane told me she needed to clean her garage but felt overwhelmed by the mess, I offered to help. I said we could do a few hours at a time and be done in a couple of months. She again became angry and said her plan was to hire strong men and have it done in a few hours.

The last time she “vented,” she said her daughter, “Lilly,” misses a lot of class because she has stomach problems, dizziness and keeps injuring her feet. Annie, I’ve never seen this girl so much as limp, and when her mother isn’t around, she’s absolutely fine. When Lilly was little, she told me she wanted to be a boy, and as a pre-teen, she dresses like one. She bullies other girls and often goes to school with dirty hair and has body odor. I work with troubled children and families, yet when I suggested to Jane that Lilly’s constant illnesses may be stress-related, she became defensive and said it was probably an ear infection.

Recently, a mutual friend who is a counselor confided to me that she thinks Lilly might have sexual identity issues. How do I present this to Jane without her accusing me of attacking her? — Friend with Good Intentions

Dear Friend: You can’t. Jane is in denial about herself and her daughter. She also has made it quite clear that she doesn’t want to hear your advice, suggestions or opinions. When she vents to you, simply nod your head sympathetically. Anything more will get her dander up. The school should be paying attention to Lilly’s constant illnesses and discussing the possibility of stress with Jane. You might bring it up to the school counselor.

Dear Annie: I live in a 55 and older community. At some of our events, the emcee thinks nothing of having a benediction ending with “in Jesus’ name.” The people here are a variety of different religions, and some are atheists. I have confronted the emcee, saying his prayer is inappropriate. I suggested that he say his grace at his own table and not subject the rest of us to his religious beliefs. Any other suggestions as to what I can do? I can’t let this go. — Not a Christian

Dear Not: It is inappropriate to give a specific religious blessing in a nondenominational setting. Either the blessing must go, or every group should be permitted to give its own version. You need to speak to whoever is in charge of arranging these events and ask that the practice be stopped. We understand that those who agree with this man’s religious views see no harm in it, but it is terribly offensive to others. There is no reason to create ill will in your community over something easily remedied.

Dear Annie: “Thought I’d Found the One” was dating a divorced man for three years. They traveled, spent weekends together and got along well, but he didn’t want to live together.

My husband and I have been married for 15 years, and we’ve never lived together. We both were divorced and comfortable in our own homes and with our “alone” time. We find it a treat to see each other for midweek date nights, and we enjoy traveling and weekends together.

Another couple we know just bought side-by-side condos. The commitment to each other doesn’t have to mean being together 24/7. — L.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Articles

  • Enter your email address to subscribe and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • .

    Solano News

    Whiteside ready to take Travis school board seat

    By Bill Hicks | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    World War II spy shares tales of work behind enemy lines

    By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    I love to ‘read’ audiobooks

    By Tony Wade | From Page: A2

     
    PublicStuff, an online app, set for Fairfield

    By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3

     
    Beginning gardening series starts in March

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

    Literacy celebration returns this month

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

     
    Council to hear budget scenarios

    By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

     
    Fairfield High School celebrates black history

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

     
    Warm winter afternoon at Lagoon Valley Park

    By Steve Reczkowski | From Page: A3, 3 Comments | Gallery

    Free medical series targets senior health issues

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

     
    Pena Adobe hosts natural dye-making presentation

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

    IHOP takes part in National Pancake Day

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4, 2 Comments

     
    Local governments schedule meetings this week

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

    Vacaville 4-alarm house fIre

    By Steve Reczkowski | From Page: A4, 2 Comments | Gallery

     
    Weather for Monday, March 2, 2015

    By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B10

    Corner Store Gallery schedules open house

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

     
    .

    US / World

    Kerry tries to dampen fuss over Israeli PM’s speech

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

     
    Hundreds of bills introduced by California lawmakers

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

    Lawmakers tinker with crime measure recently OK’d by voters

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

     
    Storm brings rain, thunder, hail to Southern California

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

    California GOP recognizes gay faction of party

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

     
    New plane tracking to be tested after Malaysia jet mystery

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Iraqi premier gives ultimatum ahead of hinted Tikrit attack

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    Activists say Islamic State releases 19 Syrian Christians

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Sierra Leone’s vice president in quarantine for Ebola

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    30,000 marchers in Moscow mourn slain Putin foe

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Spacewalking astronauts finish extensive, tricky cable job

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    Survey: Parents increasingly ask doctors to delay vaccines

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Newspaper: Nurse who survived Ebola says hospital failed her

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    Myanmar captures rare white elephant in western jungles

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Crowd kills girl suspected to be suicide bomber in Nigeria

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    .

    Opinion

    Editorial Cartoon: March 2, 2015

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

     
    A night with a King

    By Delon Jackson | From Page: A8

     
    Your right to work for less

    By Mike Kirchubel | From Page: A8, 32 Comments

    Right fight in DC, but wrong reason

    By Colbert I. King | From Page: A8

     
    .

    Living

    Community Calendar: March 2, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

     
    Today in History: March 2, 2015

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Why timeouts only prolong the problem

    By The Washington Post | From Page: B5

     
    Horoscopes: March 3, 2015

    By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B5

    Horoscopes: March 2, 2015

    By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A7

     
    It’s never a good idea to point out how big a pregnant woman is

    By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A7

    .

    Entertainment

    Lady Gaga, Vince Vaughn take charity polar plunge in Chicago

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

     
    Will Smith’s ‘Focus’ tops box office with $19.1 million

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

     
    TVGrid March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A10

    TVGrid March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B11

     
    .

    Sports

     
    Curry scores 37, leads Warriors from 26 down to beat Celtics

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Jimmie Johnson pulls away for another Atlanta Sprint Cup win

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Giants reliever Strickland insists he’s tranquil on mound

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

    Lillard, Aldridge lead Blazers past Kings for 3rd in a row

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

     
    Broadcasters propose FIFA election debate to Blatter, rivals

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Major league baseball’s 1st black Latino star Minoso dies

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

     
    Seller’s market for NHL teams as trade deadline nears

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Andy Sullivan wins Joburg Open for 2nd title this year

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    South Korea’s Amy Yang wins Honda LPGA Thailand

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Hannah hurls Bulldogs to 2-0 win over Campolindo

    By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

     
    Oregon women upset No. 19 Stanford 62-55

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Indians open season with 12-4 win over Falcons

    By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

     
    Oregon beats Stanford 73-70, clinches bye in Pac-12 tourney

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Process gets underway to carve up $60 million Sandusky fine

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Cal’s big run lifts Bears past Oregon State 73-56

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Former Washington basketball star Christian Welp dies at 51

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Sharks trade Sheppard to Rangers for draft pick

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    4,000 attend Jerry Tarkanian tribute in Las Vegas arena

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Garnett buys 1,000 tickets for fans for next T-wolves game

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Poulter, Casey share lead at rain-delayed Honda Classic

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Blatter concerned by Russian soccer racism before World Cup

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    This date in sports history for March 2, 2015

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

    Yankees’ Alex Rodriguez nearing 1st spring game

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

     
    Fast and furious: Rousey looks to future after 14-second win

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B7 | Gallery

    .

    Business

    Mimi’s adds breakfast items to menu

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

     
    Samsung ditches plastic design, adds mobile pay in new phone

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

    In Apple’s latest update, emojis get diverse

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Jacqueline Mendes

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

     
    Lester Singer

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

    .

    Comics

    Beetle Bailey March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Blondie March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    For Better or Worse March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Wizard of Id March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Pickles March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Peanuts March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    B.C. March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Baby Blues March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Rose is Rose March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Baldo March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Zits March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Garfield March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Sally Forth March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Get Fuzzy March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Frank and Ernest March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Dilbert March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Crossword March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

     
    Sudoku March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

    Cryptoquote March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

     
    Word Sleuth March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

    Bridge March 3

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

     
    Garfield March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

    Get Fuzzy March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

     
    Frank and Ernest March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

    Blondie March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

     
    Sally Forth March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

    Wizard of Id March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

     
    Baby Blues March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

    B.C. March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

     
    Beetle Bailey March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

    Peanuts March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

     
    For Better or Worse March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

    Dilbert March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

     
    Baldo March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

    Zits March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

     
    Rose is Rose March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

    Pickles March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

     
    Word Sleuth March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

    Crossword March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

     
    Cryptoquote March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

    Sudoku March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

     
    Bridge March 2

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7