Tuesday, September 2, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My boyfriend’s a spendthrift, I don’t want to marry a man I can’t trust with my money

Dear Annie: I’ve been with a wonderful guy for five years. After two abusive marriages, I am finally being treated right. “Bud” and I have only two issues: money and kids. We have broken up a few times over our problems, but honestly, I can’t live without him.

Bud is 44 years old and owns his own business, but he does not save money. When I met him, he had nothing. Now he has $20,000 in a retirement account and another $5,000 in savings. He finally has his two kids pretty well straightened out, although they will never be exactly normal.

Bud still doesn’t manage his money well. He needs so many things in his house, yet he went out and bought a truck he doesn’t need. He now has six years of payments on it, his auto insurance went up, and if he ever needs new tires, we are talking thousands of dollars. I want him to sell it and get a reasonably priced truck. He says he will lose money on the sale, which is true, but why sink even more into it?

Both of my marriages involved men who overspent on themselves, so I know I have a tendency to be extra cautious. How can I convince Bud that he did the wrong thing by buying the truck, but that he still has time to fix it? I won’t marry a man I can’t trust with my money. Not again. — Thrice Shy

Dear Thrice: You can’t treat Bud like a child, even if he makes poor financial decisions. He will resent it and push back. Instead, approach all such matters jointly, being respectful of each other’s opinions, even when you disagree. You also could offer to take over the handling of finances for the household, keeping everyone within a reasonable budget. But you are wise not to commingle your money if you don’t trust Bud’s ability to handle it. Before marrying, consider financial counseling together through your bank or the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org).

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married 27 years. We each have grown children from previous marriages.

My husband’s 42-year-old unmarried son lives out of state. “Mike” is self-supporting, but the only time we hear from him is when he needs some extra money. He lives alone except for his dogs. For the past three years, Mike has spent Christmas with us, staying three or four days. We are always happy to see him, even though we only have two bedrooms and he brings the dogs – even one who is incontinent.

Last year, my daughter (who also lives out of state) visited with her two children. We hadn’t seen her in two years. My husband also was scheduled for knee replacement surgery the following week. So when Mike asked to come with his dogs and a new puppy, we explained that it wasn’t a good time. We asked him to come in February or March, while his father recuperated – and hopefully, the puppy would be housebroken.

We have not heard from him since, even though I have left numerous messages on his voicemail. What more can I do to mend this fragile relationship? — In the Middle

Dear Middle: Not much. You have explained, and you have called. We trust you will keep all of the kids informed of Dad’s progress, including Mike. But it is up to him to make the next move. We suspect when he needs money, he will get in touch again.

Dear Annie: Most women who responded to “Your Husband” do not understand men very well. Without sex, men feel incomplete. It’s part of how we feel loved. Women should realize how important sex is to a man simply by seeing that he is willing to risk everything – his wife, family and assets – to fill this void. — Feeling the Void in Indiana

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Labor Day not a holiday for everyone

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Labor Day breakfast introduces union-backed candidates

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Pool provides last dose of summer fun in the sun

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
SafeQuest schedules peer counseling training course

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A5

Labor Day sees more Solano freeway crashes

By Glen Faison | From Page: A5

 
Fairfield police log: Aug. 31, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

 
Suisun City police log: Aug. 31, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

Suisun City police log: Aug. 30, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

 
Fairfield police log: Aug. 30, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

.

US / World

VP Biden says workers deserve ‘fair share’

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Obama: ‘Revving’ economy calls for higher wages

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Senegal monitors contacts of 1st Ebola patient

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
San Francisco to be 1st to test urban farming law

By The Associated Press | From Page:

GOP challenger tries novel tactics against Brown

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Texas’ Perry says disparaging tweet unauthorized

By The Associated Press | From Page:

US eating habits improve a bit – except among poor

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
No gray area: Beliefs shape views of Brown killing

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Americans detained in North Korea call for US help

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Iraqi prime minister pledges to root out militants

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Poland’s PM: Ukraine’s war must be stopped now

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Pro-Russian rebels lower demands in peace talks

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

US helicopter crashes in Gulf of Aden; all rescued

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
.

Opinion

.

Living

Community Calendar: Sept. 2, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page:

 
.

Entertainment

Inquiries begin into nude celebrity photo leaks

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
‘Guardians’ tops Labor Day, summer box office

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A11

 
.

Sports

Kirk rallies to win the Deutsche Bank

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Rockies top Giants after losing end of suspended game

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Dunn homers in 1st at-bat as A’s top Mariners

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Right guard Boone passes physical, rejoins 49ers

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Raiders name rookie Derek Carr as starting QB

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Armijo beats Vanden 2-0 to claim All-City boys soccer title

By Brian Arnold | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Armed with new deal, Chiefs’ Smith looks forward

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Column: Stewart’s Chase status doesn’t matter

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Raiders ink CB Dowling, 9 others to practice squad

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Serena Williams, Djokovic roll to US Open quarters

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Houston Astros fire manager Bo Porter

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Hamels, 3 Phillies relievers no-hit Braves

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
.

Business

Markets drift as Wall Street has day off

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Austerity debate flares as Europe recovery fades

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Civil disobedience expected in fast-food pay fight

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Zits Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Wizard of Id Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Sally Forth Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Bridge Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Blondie Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Rose is Rose Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Get Fuzzy Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Sudoku Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

B.C. Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Baldo Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Frank and Ernest Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Crossword Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Dilbert Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
For Better or Worse Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Peanuts Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Cryptoquote Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Garfield Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Word Sleuth Sept 2

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7