Thursday, October 30, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Lightening up the ‘dysfunctional’

By
From page A2 | July 16, 2014 |

We hear the word “dysfunctional” used a lot these days to describe individuals, families, or even organizations. But this kind of labeling may not always be helpful. I’d like to suggest that we put some “fun” back into dysfunctional. Accepting that there will always be flaws in the fabric of our lives makes it easier to deal with them.

Once issues are identified, most people spend time and energy working to repair them, but none of us can do it all by ourselves – or all at once – so it’s important to give ourselves a break. Take a step back and see what needs to be corrected, but don’t beat up yourself or anyone else because of what’s going on.

We need to learn to put in positive energy, where necessary, and to smile at some of the ways we deal with our daily lives. If you can learn to move through those awkward moments in life, perhaps with some laughter or even a light sense of humor, things will become much easier, and you will no longer feel like there is something odd going on with you. For example, if you continue to forget things at the market, accept that you don’t have a perfect memory, chuckle at the fact that you think you do, and start making lists before you go to the store.

We’re all human, and we all have our quirks and issues. The trick is not to take our own or other people’s too seriously. Other people – including those with whom you live and work – may not always behave the way you’d like them to. You’ll be much more comfortable if you can maintain a little perspective.

Understanding how to deal with dysfunction will make difficult times less difficult and give you more energy to heal what is vexing you at the moment. Giving yourself and those around you the room to be human and to mess up from time to time makes dealing with issues that arise much less toxic.

If the dysfunctions in your home or at work become a way of life, it may be time to get some counseling or to consider moving on. Yes, it helps to learn to accept and even laugh at some of the difficulties that come your way, but no one can do that all the time. There may come a breaking point, but if that happens, I would suggest speaking to a professional before you pack your bags or briefcase.

Most dysfunction is temporary. Dealing with one thing at a time, as well as learning to get in front of your difficulties, helps. For example, if you know that your partner is crabby at the end of the day, allow him or her some time after coming home to unwind. Simple acts like that can make a big difference in relationships and maybe even put an end to the pattern.

So keep your sense of humor as you navigate this crazy world, and understand that the dysfunctions in your own life are no better or worse than the rest of humanity’s. As you develop more appropriate skills to deal with difficulties, it will become a little easier to cope with whatever arises.

Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, is the author of “The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.” Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @BartonGoldsmith, or email him atBarton@bartongoldsmith.com.

Barton Goldsmith

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

 
Home: Some things never change

By Mayrene Bates | From Page: A2

Holiday boutique set for weekend

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
Live Your Dream award applications due Nov. 15

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

 
 
Victim of Tuesday traffic incident dies

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3, 6 Comments

 
Transportation Info Depot opens Monday in Suisun

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A4, 3 Comments

Salvation Army set to host Kroc Fest

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A4

 
 
Deadline looms for vote-by-mail ballots

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A5

 
Fairfield police log: Oct. 28, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A5

Suisun City police log: Oct. 28, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

 
.

US / World

 
Pentagon orders 21-day Ebola quarantine for troops

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 2 Comments

US health care unprepared for Ebola

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
California orders risk-based Ebola quarantine

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 46 Comments

Suge Knight, Katt Williams charged with robbery

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Military jet crashes in California, killing pilot

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Army blows up houses, Egyptians evacuate near Gaza

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Peshmerga troops cheered by fellow Kurds in Turkey

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

New York, New Jersey look back 2 years after Sandy

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Russian rocket engines suspected in launch blast

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

Al-Qaida: IS should rejoin group and fight West

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Bill Clinton says voting is cure for polarization

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 3 Comments

Lava 100 feet from Hawaii home, nearing main road

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

 
Police: Man decapitates mother, is killed by train

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

.

Opinion

Davenport, Pal, Spering best choices for vote

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7

 
Measure A helps students

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7

Jane Day for council: She cares

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7

 
Do you trust Spering?

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7, 5 Comments

Support for Spering, Moy

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7, 1 Comment

 
Measure A a simple choice

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7, 1 Comment

Mraz is desperate

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A7, 12 Comments

 
We’ve got to stop meeting like this

By Kelvin Wade | From Page: A7

 
Editorial Cartoons: Oct. 30, 2014

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

Measure A a wise investment

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

 
Spering record not set straight

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 4 Comments

In support of Brian Thiemer

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 2 Comments

 
Debate was eye-opening

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 3 Comments

Vote for Catherine Moy

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 3 Comments

 
Tonnesen right choice for City Council

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

Vote for Tonnesen

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

 
Learn to say no

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

Support for Bertani

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 9 Comments

 
Better uses for negative campaign mailer costs

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

Proposition 47 fails to advance state

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

 
Mraz not best officer for council post

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 3 Comments

Moy is the leader we need

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

 
Vote for Moy; Vote for Fairfield

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 4 Comments

Time for something new: Integrity

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 9 Comments

 
Supports Timm for Fairfield council

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 10 Comments

.

Living

Community Calendar: Oct. 30, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Today in History: Oct. 30, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Horoscopes: Oct. 30, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A10

 
My sister won’t talk to any of us, I’m worried about my nephew

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A10

.

Entertainment

Taylor Swift talks books and music with kids

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
‘House of Cards’ actress Norment dies

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Orson Welles’ last film may finally be released

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

.

Sports

Selig’s imprint seen in Game 7 of World Series

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Giants fans revel in victory

By Marcus Lomtong | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Giants ace Bumgarner wins World Series MVP

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Royals’ dream season falls short in World Series

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Bumgarner, Giants beat KC to win World Series

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 5 Comments | Gallery

 
Bumgarner, Giants beat KC 3-2 in Series Game 7

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Warriors whip Kings 95-77 in season opener

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Jose Canseco resting at home after shooting hand

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Sacramento breaks ground on new Kings arena

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

It’s Thursday Night Lights for SCAC

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B2

 
49ers rookie center Marcus Martin to make NFL debut

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Stanford men looking to build on NCAA tournament run

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Carr prepares for tough test vs. Seahawks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Vanden’s McDaniel repeats as SCAC singles champion

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B3

 
.

Business

Gov’t pushes air bag maker on replacement parts

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Fed ends bond buying and cites brighter job market

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

.

Obituaries

Hardie Lee Doshier

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Howard Lenowsky

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

.

Comics

Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A10

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A10

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A10

 
Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A10

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A10