Saturday, November 22, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Jim is depressed and alcoholic. Is it wrong for me to give him alcohol?

By
From page A9 | February 13, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I have a 75-year-old friend who was brutally beaten by an intruder. “Jim” allowed the stranger to enter his home when he claimed he needed to use the telephone. Jim suffered broken bones and a head trauma and spent time in a rehab facility. He still hasn’t fully recovered and is mostly confined to bed.

Jim has no close family. He abandoned his wife 38 years ago, and his daughter met him for the first time in October. She is his next of kin, and when Jim was in a coma, she had to make some tough decisions about his care. She is not able to be involved as much now because she lives far away. I’m in touch with her often, so she is aware of her father’s condition and says he is capable of making informed decisions. The police concur.

Jim is alone, depressed and alcoholic. I check on him daily. He’s promised not to kill himself, but he has given up on living. He has very little energy and barely eats despite the fact that food is provided. He just wants to lie in bed, smoke and drink vodka. And that’s my problem.

I have been meeting his requests for alcohol, but I feel guilty about it. I don’t want to contribute to his death by facilitating his drinking, but I fear that depriving him only condemns him to an even more protracted demise. Jim refuses to be hospitalized or return to rehab, because he will not be allowed to smoke or drink, and he wants to die at home.

If Jim is to recover, he needs to stop drinking, eat well and exercise, and it would be such a long and arduous road that he does not believe he can do it. Am I right to make him comfortable? Is this compassion or wrongdoing? — His Friend

Dear Friend: We’re going to side with compassion, but please know what you are getting into. While Jim may tell you he is not suicidal, he is doing exactly that by a slower route. You cannot force him to choose life, but you don’t want to be overcome with guilt and remorse, either. (And frankly, drinking and smoking in bed is a fire waiting to happen.)

Dear Annie: Every gathering of my husband’s family means my mother-in-law has to control the day, the conversation, everything. It sucks the life out of me. Not once does she listen to anyone else or ask how they are. She never inquires whether I’m OK. There is never a sincere two-sided conversation. Somehow, everything reverts back to her and her need for attention. She does not get along with her in-laws and refuses to visit them. My father-in-law sees his side of the family on his own.

All I can say to every person considering marriage is: Open your eyes. If I had recognized this pattern earlier, as much as I love my husband, I wouldn’t have married into this family. — Glad the Holidays Are Over

Dear Glad: We understand that she is difficult, but we feel sorry for your mother-in-law. She has no idea how to make friends or get people to like her. She must be a terribly unhappy person.

Dear Annie: You were dead wrong in your response to “N.,” who asked about helping his mother financially once her money runs out. He is under no obligation to support his mother after Mom blew through all of the money her husband left. This child has worked hard his whole life and owes his mother nothing. I would not pay that lady a dime. Mom chose to spend stupidly, and so now she has to live with that. He needs to just tell her, “Sorry, Mom, I am not a bank!” — Cathy in Michigan

Dear Cathy: “N.” did not ask whether to give money to Mom, only that he wanted to provide for her, within reason. Setting up a limited monthly allowance (and no additional funds) would work and would be a kindness.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Courses designed to boost health yield positive results

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
 
Bands shine, Scouts serve, dogs win across region

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Quail Run appeals 2nd ruling over wage claims

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3

 
Settlement reached in Fairfield Inn suit over fall

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3

Assessors association taps Tonnesen as president

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

 
Police: Child flees attacker in Fairfield

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3, 2 Comments

 
Timm, Hunt maintain leads in tight council races

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A9

Afternoon crash kills 1 in Vallejo

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A9, 1 Comment

 
Fairfield police log: Nov. 20, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

Suisun City police log: Nov. 20, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

 
.

US / World

House intel panel debunks many Benghazi theories

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 3 Comments

 
A look at how FDA-approved robotic leg braces work

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

Marine with robotic leg braces gets Bronze Star

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Oregon festival’s giant nutcracker: 41 feet

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

San Francisco window washer falls onto moving car

By The Associated Press | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
California storms bring scattered rain, mudslides

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4 | Gallery

Judge declares wrongly convicted woman innocent

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
$139M deal reached in school molestation case

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Zookeepers had safety concerns before gorilla died

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Senate leader lays off dozens of office employees

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

UC expands legal services for immigrant students

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Man pleads not guilty to emailing nudies of ex

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Stymied? Republicans seek immigration response

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
LA animal shelter slashes prices on 100 pets

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Agency rejects solar project in Silurian Valley

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Iran nuke talks stalled, despite Kerry efforts

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Biden urges Russia to uphold east Ukraine truce

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Police: 3-year-old set fire that killed his family

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

93-year-old woman marks 75 years with same company

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
UK police spied on reporters for years, docs show

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Agency: Schools helped Lanza’s mom ‘appease’ him

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Bandits in Guinea steal suspected Ebola blood

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

With snow still piled high, Buffalo faces flooding

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
.

Opinion

 
Editorial Cartoons: Nov. 22, 2014

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Batson column falls short of truth

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 1 Comment

.

Living

Today in History: Nov. 22, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Nov. 22, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

My sister kicked Mom out of her house and won’t let her have the car

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A7

 
Horoscopes: Nov. 22, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A7

Blanket drive for homeless gets help from Colts player

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
.

Entertainment

Bill Cosby show set for Vegas casino canceled

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

 
Matt Czuchry says ‘Good Wife’ arc is at right time

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

‘Queen Latifah Show’ to end after its 2nd season

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

 
.

Sports

Vacaville downs Del Oro to advance to section semis

By Nick DeCicco | From Page: B1

 
Sparano savors 1st win with Raiders

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Panthers youth football prepares for Super Bowl

By Marcus Lomtong | From Page: B1

Ibanez, Cash, Wakamatsu finalists to manage Rays

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Federal judge denies sports betting in New Jersey

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

JC women’s basketball: Solano advances to tourney title game

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

 
Ciganda, Granada tied for lead at LPGA finale

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Sharks trade Demers to Stars for Dillon

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
NFL will hear Adrian Peterson’s appeal Dec. 2

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

49ers’ Dorsey is out of Sunday’s game against Redskins

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
France levels tie against Switzerland in Davis Cup

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
This date in sports history for Saturday, Nov. 22, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

.

Business

Toyota recalls nearly 423K Lexuses for fuel leaks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Ford’s new F-150 to get 26 mpg, tops among pickups

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

CEOs in 10 big mergers to get $430M: Equilar study

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
California unemployment unchanged at 7.3 percent

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

White House: Immigration steps would boost wages

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
.

Obituaries

Arthur Irving Weiner

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

 
B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

 
Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

 
.

Home Seller 11/22/14

My brothers said, pay double the rent or move out

By Tim Jones | From Page: HSR2

Ask a Designer: from clutter to decor

By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR2

Real estate transactions for Nov. 22, 2014

By Maureen Fissolo | From Page: HSR3

US 30-year mortgage rates drop to 3.99 percent

By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR3