Thursday, November 20, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

It bothers me that my husband doesn’t include me when he visits his grown children

By
From page A7 | December 31, 2012 |

Dear Annie: My husband and I lived with a very dysfunctional situation for several years. His children from a prior marriage were encouraged by their mother to tell falsehoods about our home life. She was planning to leave the state and needed full custody in order to take them, and she ultimately accomplished this.

We went to counseling and considered legal action, but realized that even if we won, we no longer agreed on how to parent these kids. The constant discord did some damage to our marriage. My husband put up with a lot of nastiness as long as the kids would see him. I tried to help, but couldn’t tolerate their continuing dishonesty and disrespect. The kids eventually developed problems in their personal lives, school and jobs. Slowly, my husband rebuilt a relationship with them, but in doing so, he allowed me to be viewed as the enemy. I stopped being included in family plans.

Now his ex-wife and grown children treat my husband as if he is single. The holidays are fine, since the grown children spend them with their mother, and my husband spends his with our little family. However, he attends his children’s graduations, weddings and birthdays without me.

I love my husband. He is happy with us and lets us know. Most of all, he thanks us for allowing him to be a normal parent. He has his adult children in his life and sees them once or twice a year, but the situation is becoming increasingly untenable to me. I no longer know what line to draw. Where do we go from here? — The Second Wife

Dear Second: Actually, the line was drawn some time ago: Your husband attends his grown children’s functions without you. This is not ideal, but it also doesn’t have to be cause for constant misery. It would show tremendous grace for you to tell your husband to go and spend time with his adult children, without any residual bitterness on your part. It’s only once or twice a year, and we suspect Hubby would be enormously grateful.

Dear Annie: My husband, whom I love, has sleep apnea, snores loudly and refuses to wear a CPAP. He also won’t see his doctor about alternatives. How am I supposed to get any sleep? I need my rest. — Tired in Nebraska

Dear Tired: We trust your husband is aware of the severe health risks of having untreated sleep apnea. However, you cannot force him to do anything about it, so we recommend that you invest in earplugs or that one of you sleep in another room.

Dear Annie: I’m responding to “Want My Husband Back,” whose married life turned to hell when her husband retired.

When I married my wife, I was very sports minded and adventurous with several hobbies. My wife was not interested in those things. I managed to teach her cribbage, but that was about it. Now, we are both retired and work part time a couple of days a week. I started to explore some “on the edge” sports, and I forgot about her. After she called me on the carpet about it, I realized she had a point. All of my activities were directed toward me, and she was on the outside.

We decided on a course adjustment, and now I’m enjoying the opera while she is learning about extreme sports. She has even expressed some interest in trying one. The best part is, we’re together so much more often that it’s like we went back in time 45 years. And our private time together has really improved.

We have an agenda every day, even when we work. So my advice for retired couples is to call a timeout, make some adjustments and have fun. — Enjoying Retirement in New England

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

 
Solano cheerleaders travel to NYC for holiday parade

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Let’s honor veterans throughout year

By Mayrene Bates | From Page: A2

 
 
Suisun City Hall critic takes town to task over residential ‘junkyard’

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3Comments are off for this post

 
Lawyers outline strategy in Fairfield homicide case

By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A3

 
NAACP chapter to conduct officer elections

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A4

 
 
Sport Chalet offers underwater photos with Santa

By Susan Hiland | From Page: B5

Nut Tree to donate vintage barn doors to ReStore

By Susan Winlow | From Page: B5

 
Weather for Nov. 20, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B10

Fairfield police log: Nov. 18, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

 
Suisun City police log: Nov. 18, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10, 5 Comments

.

US / World

Analyst: No ‘fiscal cliff’ when tax hikes end

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Tuition hikes tentatively approved in California

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 1 Comment

Police: Gunman killed after shooting at FSU

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Obama to announce immigration action Thursday

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 32 Comments

Cuban couple keeps rodents called hutias as pets

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2, 1 Comment

 
Self-driving cars: safer, but what of their morals

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 2 Comments

5 children in San Jose home with barricade man

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Berkeley OKs plan for gas-pump climate change labels

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

First of 3 storms douses fields, delays flights

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Right-to-die advocate’s video out after death

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 4 Comments

Early statin use may give long-term heart benefits

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Health system reveals hospital gown to cover rears

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

Police: Man crawled into sunken car, saved baby

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 3 Comments

 
CDC chief drops worst-case Ebola estimate

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Vets’ moms to Congress: Boost suicide prevention

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

 
Buffalo area hit with epic snow – with more coming

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

US airstrike hits al-Qaida-held town in Syria

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Hotel charges couple for negative review of it

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

New US ambassador has tough job in Moscow

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Military leader becomes Burkina Faso prime minster

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

CERN scientists discover 2 new subatomic particles

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Kerry in diplomatic overdrive on Iran nuclear deal

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

N. Korea threatens to beef up military capability

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Colombian girl’s dad had her swallow cocaine caps

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

New Kurdish offensive targets Islamic State group

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
.

Opinion

 
Gambling on Proposition 47

By Kelvin Wade | From Page: A7, 2 Comments

How and why the GOP won

By Jennifer Rubin | From Page: A7, 11 Comments

 
.

Living

Today in History: Nov. 20, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Nov. 20, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

My lady’s mother doesn’t like me and wants me to move out

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A9

 
Horoscopes: Nov. 20, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A9

.

Entertainment

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Library honoring Billy Joel with pop music prize

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Motown singer Jimmy Ruffin dies at age 78

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Multiple fractures for Bono in NY bicycle accident

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Auction of Presley items set for January

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
.

Sports

 
Brooks apologizes to 49ers for harsh words

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Chiefs look to avoid letdown vs. winless Raiders

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Carrie, Rogers out for Raiders with injuries

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Butler and A’s finalize $30 million, 3-year deal

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Rudy Gay happy to be with Sacramento Kings

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Union, NFL at odds over personal conduct policy

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
NBA suspends Hornets’ Jeffery Taylor 24 games

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Stanton signs record $325M deal at news conference

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Nothing settled going into LPGA Tour finale

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Collins, NBA’s 1st openly gay player, to retire

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

NFL fines Lynch $50,000 for not speaking to media

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
NASCAR’s Kurt Busch meets with investigators

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

.

Business

Showdown looms between US gov’t, air bag maker

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Obama picks NTSB member as new auto safety chief

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

JetBlue to add bag fees on cheapest tickets

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5, 1 Comment

 
US stocks drift lower after release of Fed minutes

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

Automakers debut key models at L.A. Auto Show

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Yahoo replaces Google as Firefox’s default search

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9