Tuesday, April 15, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I’m worried about who will take care of my obese wife if she outlives me

Dear Annie: I have been married to “Nancy” for 51 years. The day of our wedding, I was 167 pounds with a full head of hair. Now I am 181 pounds and bald. Nancy was always a Rubens type, which was fine with me. After giving birth to our first child, she lost more than 20 pounds, and even her father was impressed. However, two more children followed, and her weight went up to what it was before.

Now, at age 75, she is obese. She has trouble with her ankles and can barely move. She refuses to use a cane or a walker. We constantly argue. She is beginning to look ugly to me. I want to leave, but I can’t because she cannot live alone.

I am depressed. If I die before she does, she will be on her own because our children work, are struggling financially and have their own kids to raise. They have spoken to their mother about the possibility of a retirement home, and she says, “Absolutely not.” What can I do? — West Valley

Dear West: Some of this is not within your control – your wife’s weight and what happens after you die. It is selfish of her to put this type of burden on her children, so you might want to discuss it directly with them, making contingency plans in case she should outlive you. There are alternatives to retirement homes, including in-home care or one of the children taking Mom in. You, however, are stressed over this and having a rough time. Please talk to your doctor about it.

Dear Annie: My mother-in-law is not a true hoarder, but she’s definitely a packrat. Her house has drawers, cabinets and boxes filled with unfinished craft pieces, papers so old you can’t read the faded print, moldy magazines, dried paint, cracked pottery, broken candy dishes and junk tucked into nooks and crannies so deep no one has seen the contents in years.

She is the only one who knows where anything important might be “filed.” She is widowed and retired and has the time and the physical ability to go through this stuff. Her two children help with yard work and home improvement, but they don’t have time to pick through her collections.

My mother-in-law is not depressed. She’s just lazy and has poor organizational skills. She spends too much time watching TV and emailing. I am hoping she might recognize herself in your column. How can I convince her to de-clutter before it’s too late? — Don’t Want To Pick Through the Weeds

Dear Don’t: If Mom has poor organizational skills, the idea of going through her vast collection of miscellany is both overwhelming and paralyzing. She needs someone to assist her, one drawer at a time, perhaps once a week, to make it manageable. You could offer to do this or suggest it to another family member. Or hire a professional organizer. And it’s possible that Mom’s church or other community organization has volunteers who might help out.

Dear Annie: This is for “Devastated Daughter,” whose father died suddenly. Now she is conflicted about going away to college, because she worries about leaving her mother alone. I agree with your advice that she should go as planned. Here’s my message to her:

Dear Daughter: Your concern for your mother is a beautiful testament to your relationship. She is concerned for you, too. The best gift you could give her is to follow your dreams, live according to the values you have learned from a loving family and succeed as an independent young woman.

Yes, she may occasionally break down. But she will go on, and it will be much easier if she knows you are OK. — Thinking of You in the South

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Crews make quick work of vehicle fire

By Glen Faison | From Page: A6, 6 Comments | Gallery

 
People line up for Krispy Kreme opening

By Glen Faison | From Page: , 11 Comments | Gallery

Solano Jews gather for start of Passover

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Weather for Tuesday, April 15, 2014

By Daily Republic staff | From Page:

 
 
County discusses consolidated dispatch

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A4

 
Paper Clover Campaign supports Solano County 4-H

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A6

 
Miner Slough Bridge to see repairs

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A4

 
‘Heaven is for Real’ opens Wednesday

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B5

Fiesta Days pageant organizers seek contestants

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A5

 
Easter hunt set for Mare Island

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A5

 
Coakley joins Solano fair board

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A6

 
.

US / World

Police: Man comes to courthouse in stolen car

By The Associated Press | From Page: , 4 Comments

 
California officials nab 11 in drug ring bust

By The Associated Press | From Page: , 2 Comments

 
Robotic submarine deployed in search for plane

By The Associated Press | From Page: , 1 Comment | Gallery

Post, Guardian win Pulitzers for NSA revelations

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Ukraine struggles as east slips out of its control

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Police: Utah mom admitted to killing her 6 babies

By The Associated Press | From Page: , 8 Comments | Gallery

 
Blast at bus station in Nigerian capital kills 72

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Kansas shooting suspect had no record of violence

By The Associated Press | From Page: , 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Landmark thermometer to be renovated, relit

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Engaged pair, teen athlete among dead in bus crash

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Spray-painted fire hydrants costing San Francisco

By The Associated Press | From Page: , 2 Comments | Gallery

 
.

Opinion

Editorial cartoons for April 15, 2014

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page:

 
Oh, for the days of Dr. Welby

By Dan K. Thomasson | From Page: A13, 7 Comments

 
 
Pay equity is a tough skill

By Ann McFeatters | From Page:

.

Living

What should I do about my fiancee’s wild sexual history?

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: , 1 Comment

 
Today in History for April 15, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Community Calendar: April 15, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page:

 
Horoscopes for April 15, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B5

.

Entertainment

With $41.4M, ‘Captain America’ holds off ‘Rio 2′

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Flavor Flav takes plea deal in Vegas battery case

By The Associated Press | From Page: , 1 Comment | Gallery

MTV Movie Awards big Hollywood studio plug-fest

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Aw, geez, ‘Fargo’ is on TV with Billy Bob Thornton

By Frazier Moore | From Page: | Gallery

TVGrid April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
.

Sports

Warriors beat Wolves 130-120, secure 6th seed

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
John Jaso’s pinch-hit HR lifts A’s over Angels 3-2

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Hockey title puts tiny Union on the sports map

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Warriors’ Bogut out indefinitely with rib fracture

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

Prep softball: Fairfield drops 4-0 decision to Dixon

By Daily Republic staff | From Page:

 
Prep badminton: Rodriguez rolls to 14-1 win over Davis

By Daily Republic staff | From Page:

 
Haas plans to field Formula 1 team in next 2 years

By The Associated Press | From Page:

A look at 10 things to watch in the NHL playoffs

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
49er Culliver pleads not guilty to hit-run charges

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Augie’s Longhorns bounce back after miserable ’13

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Sun take Stanford’s Ogwumike with top pick in WNBA draft

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Pistorius accused of staging outbursts at trial

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
Pro sports becoming more open to paternity leave

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Olympic great Michael Phelps ending retirement

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Kings-Sharks rivalry resumes in 1st round

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
.

Business

April 15 not much of a deadline for most taxpayers

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
Google buys drone maker Titan Aerospace

By The Associated Press | From Page:

 
US stocks recover some ground on retail sales gain

By The Associated Press | From Page:

Is hot market for IPOs cooling?

By The Associated Press | From Page: | Gallery

 
.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Blondie April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Word Sleuth April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Get Fuzzy April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Sudoku April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Beetle Bailey April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
B.C. April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Crossword April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Bridge April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Wizard of Id April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Rose is Rose April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Frank and Ernest April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Dilbert April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Zits April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Baby Blues April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Sally Forth April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
Pickles April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Baldo April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

 
For Better or Worse April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Cryptoquote April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Garfield April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

Peanuts April 15

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4