Thursday, August 28, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I’m worried about who will take care of my obese wife if she outlives me

By
From page A9 | December 13, 2012 |

Dear Annie: I have been married to “Nancy” for 51 years. The day of our wedding, I was 167 pounds with a full head of hair. Now I am 181 pounds and bald. Nancy was always a Rubens type, which was fine with me. After giving birth to our first child, she lost more than 20 pounds, and even her father was impressed. However, two more children followed, and her weight went up to what it was before.

Now, at age 75, she is obese. She has trouble with her ankles and can barely move. She refuses to use a cane or a walker. We constantly argue. She is beginning to look ugly to me. I want to leave, but I can’t because she cannot live alone.

I am depressed. If I die before she does, she will be on her own because our children work, are struggling financially and have their own kids to raise. They have spoken to their mother about the possibility of a retirement home, and she says, “Absolutely not.” What can I do? — West Valley

Dear West: Some of this is not within your control – your wife’s weight and what happens after you die. It is selfish of her to put this type of burden on her children, so you might want to discuss it directly with them, making contingency plans in case she should outlive you. There are alternatives to retirement homes, including in-home care or one of the children taking Mom in. You, however, are stressed over this and having a rough time. Please talk to your doctor about it.

Dear Annie: My mother-in-law is not a true hoarder, but she’s definitely a packrat. Her house has drawers, cabinets and boxes filled with unfinished craft pieces, papers so old you can’t read the faded print, moldy magazines, dried paint, cracked pottery, broken candy dishes and junk tucked into nooks and crannies so deep no one has seen the contents in years.

She is the only one who knows where anything important might be “filed.” She is widowed and retired and has the time and the physical ability to go through this stuff. Her two children help with yard work and home improvement, but they don’t have time to pick through her collections.

My mother-in-law is not depressed. She’s just lazy and has poor organizational skills. She spends too much time watching TV and emailing. I am hoping she might recognize herself in your column. How can I convince her to de-clutter before it’s too late? — Don’t Want To Pick Through the Weeds

Dear Don’t: If Mom has poor organizational skills, the idea of going through her vast collection of miscellany is both overwhelming and paralyzing. She needs someone to assist her, one drawer at a time, perhaps once a week, to make it manageable. You could offer to do this or suggest it to another family member. Or hire a professional organizer. And it’s possible that Mom’s church or other community organization has volunteers who might help out.

Dear Annie: This is for “Devastated Daughter,” whose father died suddenly. Now she is conflicted about going away to college, because she worries about leaving her mother alone. I agree with your advice that she should go as planned. Here’s my message to her:

Dear Daughter: Your concern for your mother is a beautiful testament to your relationship. She is concerned for you, too. The best gift you could give her is to follow your dreams, live according to the values you have learned from a loving family and succeed as an independent young woman.

Yes, she may occasionally break down. But she will go on, and it will be much easier if she knows you are OK. — Thinking of You in the South

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Locke an unparalleled universe in the Delta

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Small-town heroism on display in Napa

By Angela Borchert | From Page: A2

 
Review set for Vacaville fitness center suit

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3

 
Fairfield motorcyclist hurt in Beck Avenue crash

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3

 
 
Logue misses meet with Libertarians in Fairfield

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A4

Chamber event looks at health care law

By Barry Eberling | From Page: B5 | Gallery

 
Fairfield police log: Aug. 26, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A5

Winterhawk Winery up for auction

By Barry Eberling | From Page: B5 | Gallery

 
Suisun City police log: Aug. 26, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A5

.

US / World

Boy hurt in California quake: ‘I should be dead’

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
California Senate passes gun restraining order

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Lawmakers approve groundwater management bill

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
California sets ride-sharing insurance standards

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Feds allow logging after huge California wildfire

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
California beach town sees flooding from hurricane

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Q-and-A on Westerners who join the fight in Syria

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Sources: US considering new relief mission in Iraq

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Shooting by 9-year-old girl stirs debate over guns

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
US to consider spousal abuse in immigration claims

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

UK sex abuse report prompts outrage, reflection

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Dad acquitted in slaying of driver who killed sons

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Q&A: Few laws govern children at shooting range

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Mom pleads for release of captive US journalist

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6 | Gallery

Israeli premier, Hamas declare victory in Gaza war

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6 | Gallery

 
.

Opinion

Seizing the day with old friends

By Kelvin Wade | From Page: A11

 
Signs of possible healing in Ferguson

By Jay Ambrose | From Page: A11

 
Poor constituent service no longer acceptable

By Ruben Navarrette | From Page: A11

Editorial Cartoons: Aug. 28, 2014

By Kim Durbin | From Page: A11

 
Let’s improve entertainment control units

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A11

.

Living

Community Calendar: Aug. 28, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Today in History: Aug. 28, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

My boss insists that we all eat lunch with her in cafeteria

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A9

 
Horoscopes: Aug. 28, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A9

.

Entertainment

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Judge lets ‘X-Men’ director’s accuser drop lawsuit

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Rapper Young Jeezy pleads not guilty to gun charge

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
‘Cops’ crew member killed in Omaha police shooting

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Chris Soules is ABC’s new ‘Bachelor’

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
John Lennon’s killer sorry for being ‘an idiot’

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Reality star accused of rape, child molestation

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Source: BET suspends producer after Blue Ivy joke

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

.

Sports

Fuld’s homer in 9th lifts A’s over Astros 5-4

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Posey hits game-ending 2-run homer for Giants

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Maria Sharapova comes through in 3 sets at US Open

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Raiders rookie QB Derek Carr to start vs. Seahawks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Cal needs more from its running game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Stanford’s Kevin Hogan a ‘stabilizing agent’ at QB

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Chicago’s Little League champs return as heroes

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

NFL suspends Browns star WR Gordon for 2014 season

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Keenum, Savage to settle Texans’ backup QB duel vs. 49ers

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

USC’s Shaw admits to lying about injuries, rescue

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
IndyCar sets April 12 New Orleans date

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

No. 23 UNC suspends 4 players for opener

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Clippers sign Doc Rivers to 5-year extension

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Raiders hope rebuild pays immediate dividends

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
After trio of near misses, 49ers chase Super Bowl

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

.

Business

US economy forecast to grow by 1.5 percent in 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

 
Malaysia Airlines set for shakeup after disasters

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

IMF chief Lagarde under investigation in France

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
SEC adopts rules on loan-backed securities

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

Stocks drift higher; S&P 500 holds on to 2,000

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
Reports: FBI probes JPMorgan hack

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

Time Warner Cable says outages largely resolved

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
Video games come of age as spectator sport

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

.

Obituaries

Frank W. Moy Jr.

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Gary Allen Person

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Fernanda Dee Villarosa

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Herman P. Sorensen

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Lyle R.C. Cullum

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9