Sunday, August 31, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I’m having trouble trusting my husband after I caught him in an emotional affair

Dear Annie: Four years ago, I caught my husband lying and cheating in an emotional affair (he says there was never any sex). He and this same woman had been cheating for 10 years. She is married with grown children. She never told her husband what she did, so she has gotten away with it.

We went to counseling, and it seems that my husband is on the straight and narrow. I love him dearly. We’ve been married for 25 years, have three wonderful children and get along wonderfully.

The problem is, I am always worried that he is still doing things behind my back with this woman. He swears up and down that he has no contact with her. He claims he caught her lying and doesn’t even want her as a friend. But I know he has forgiven her for lying at least three times before. I honestly do not believe what he tells me, and it is affecting my peace of mind.

I have considered moving just to get out of this small community where everyone knows everybody else. I want to punch her every time I run into her. Should I tell my husband how I feel? We have spoken about the past so many times that neither of us wants to bring it up again. He knows how much he hurt me. — Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed: Trust is difficult to regain, and it is made more complicated when your husband lives near the Other Woman. It is important that your husband be completely transparent in all of his dealings. Can you check his phone or email whenever you worry he is slipping back into old habits? If he hides things from you, you have cause for concern. But otherwise, please try to put your concerns in perspective. And don’t feel squeamish about discussing your worries with your husband, as long as you don’t make accusations that put him on the defensive. If necessary, go back for counseling and work on this.

Dear Annie: My cousin’s son recently married. Aside from my cousin’s immediate family, there were only a few family members invited to the wedding. It wasn’t a small wedding. There were at least 200 guests.

The problem is the way my cousin and her husband acted toward us. My cousin seemed upset all evening. She was fairly cordial, but acted stressed. Her husband, whom we’ve known for 35 years, did not greet or acknowledge our presence. He was cold and absolutely rude. They sat at our table and had nothing to say. While the bridesmaids gave speeches, they occupied themselves with their cellphones. We felt unwelcome. The bride barely looked our way and didn’t give us a chance to congratulate her, although the groom briefly greeted us.

I want to tell my cousin how rude her husband was, but I’m not sure how to approach her. How do we handle this? — N.J.

Dear N.J.: You are making a lot of assumptions about your cousin’s behavior. We think her stress and her husband’s coldness had nothing to do with you. More likely, their behavior was a result of wedding stress (and possibly the bride). And remember that sitting with the groom’s parents is a great honor. If they wanted to insult you, they would have seated you much farther away. Unless they do other things that are deliberately rude, please say nothing.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Boondoggled in Boise,” whose father refused to let the granddaughter see his coin collection and demanded it be sold through a third party. Why didn’t you suggest that the sons talk to the third party and buy the coins for fair market value?

Dad doesn’t need to know his kids are the buyers. He gets to sell the coins the way he wants, and the brothers get to keep them in the family. — Know About Difficult Relatives

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Police arrest 2 linked to Tabor Avenue violence

By Glen Faison | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Nurse-family program helps moms, moms-to-be

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Garamendi ranks 6th on DC paper’s franking list

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A1

 
Secret to market’s health may be oil

By Bud Stevenson | From Page: C1

Delta Images: Visuals capture the imagination

By Glen Faison | From Page: D1

 
Suisun Valley grape harvest begins

By Barry Eberling | From Page: C1 | Gallery

Get ready to welcome alien life by 2034

By Brad Stanhope | From Page: A2

 
Fed’s actions ripple through world markets

By Mark Sievers | From Page: C2

Sheriff’s search-and-rescue team finds missing camper

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

 
Running for their lives — and scholarship money

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3 | Gallery

The day the music died at Winterhawk Winery

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Fairfield payments to golf courses expected to drop

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A4, 2 Comments | Gallery

Comprehensive eye exams go beyond eye screenings

By Donna Hinman-Seabrooks, M.d. | From Page: D4

 
Area service members promote, graduate

By Nick DeCicco | From Page: C4

 
Fairfield police log: Aug. 29, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A6

Suisun City police log: Aug. 29, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A6

 
Bandit robs check cashing business at gunpoint

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A6

Zombie portraits

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
.

US / World

Angels use 8 pitchers to beat A’s 2-0, extend lead

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Communities go green for mosquito control; fish get all-you-can eat buffet

By Mcclatchy-Tribune News Service | From Page: D4

Girl, 9, dies; trapped in sand at Oregon beach

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
GOP challenger tries novel tactics against Brown

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

In quake, barrels became quarter-ton projectiles

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

 
Wind, weather stoke Northern California wildfires

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

Ferguson slowly starting to make comeback

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

 
 
 
5 US airstrikes target Islamic State fighters

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

.

Opinion

Thanks to Tomato Alley volunteers

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A10

 
No justice, peace without effort

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A10, 2 Comments

Lots to do when the earth moves

By Glen Faison | From Page: A10

 
Sound off for Aug. 31, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: A10

 
Editorial Cartoons: Aug. 31, 2014

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A10

Faison identified location properly

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A10

 
A Labor Day to remember

By Daily Republic | From Page: A10

Conservatives in a huff over immigration

By Ruben Navarrette | From Page: A11

 
Facts vs. visions, and real outcomes

By Thomas Sowell | From Page: A11

 
How should unions weigh into politics?

By Rod Keck | From Page: A11

.

Living

Utah approves winery in town with polygamous sect

By The Associated Press | From Page: D2

 
Community Calendar: Aug. 31, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

Today in History: Aug. 31, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
1 God, 2 faiths, a marriage

By The Associated Press | From Page: D2

My boyfriend is unmotivated and passionless, but I feel trapped

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: D4

 
Horoscopes: Aug. 31, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: D4

.

Entertainment

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: C5

 
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY BEST-SELLERS

By The Associated Press | From Page: D6

Wilder memoir to give gritty view of prairie life

By The Associated Press | From Page: D6

 
Publisher acquires Robin Williams biography

By The Associated Press | From Page: D6

Amazon starts selling physical books in Brazil

By The Associated Press | From Page: D6

 
.

Sports

Peavy takes no-hitter into 8th of Giants’ 3-1 win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Gordon says Stewart could run strong in Atlanta

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Prep football preview: Vacaville still team to beat in MEL

By Brian Arnold | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Bob Tway shoots 63 for share of Calgary lead

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
With heavy heart, Kuchar hovers around the lead

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Suzann Pettersen tied for Portland Classic lead

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Isner loses to Kohlschreiber in US Open 3rd round; Serena advances

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

Bouhanni wins 8th Vuelta stage, Valverde leads

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Fighter War Machine extradited on assault charges

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3, 1 Comment

Bocce Federation League results

By Daily Republic | From Page: B3

 
Timberwolves have record week after trading Love

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Schumacher wins Traxxas Nitro Shootout

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Kevin Harvick dominates to win Atlanta Nationwide

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

College football Top 25

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
No. 11 Stanford routs UC Davis 45-0 in opener

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5 | Gallery

Jonathan Martin makes 49ers’ 53-man roster

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

 
Raiders cut Little, Ross to get to 53

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

Champ Bailey, Michael Sam among NFL cuts

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6 | Gallery

 
US dominates Finland 114-55 in basketball worlds

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

.

Business

Ferguson fallout: A call for police ‘body cams’

By The Associated Press | From Page: C1

 
Earthquake insurance shunned by vast majority of Californians

By Mcclatchy-Tribune News Service | From Page: C1

Startups offer banking for smartphone users

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

 
.

Obituaries

Godofredo Cuaresma

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
Mary Alta ‘Sandy’ Hubbard

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Hazel Gertrude Wamsley

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Laurie Danielson Bailey

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Jerry Lee Trammell

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4, 5 Comments

 
Lois C. Clark

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

George H. Gollinger

By Brad Stanhope | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

.

Delta Towns Project

Delta Towns: Fishing rules the river in the Delta

By Susan Winlow | From Page: DTP1 | Gallery

Delta Towns: Delta a breeze of a day trip

By Glen Faison | From Page: DTP3

Delta Towns: Walnut Grove shows a bit of historic Japan

By Susan Winlow | From Page: DTP4 | Gallery

Delta Towns: Ryde Hotel a speakeasy from the past

By Susan Winlow | From Page: DTP4 | Gallery

Delta Towns: Walnut Grove: Fun facts, things to see

By Susan Winlow | From Page: DTP4

Delta Towns: Locke an unparalleled universe in the Delta

By Susan Winlow | From Page: DTP6 | Gallery

Delta Towns: Prolific pears rule Courtland area

By Susan Winlow | From Page: DTP8 | Gallery

Delta Towns: Hood-Courtland: Small towns boast interesting facts

By Susan Winlow | From Page: DTP9 | Gallery

Delta Towns: Old, new collide in Freeport

By Susan Winlow | From Page: DTP10

Delta Towns: Delta Images: Visuals capture the imagination

By Glen Faison | From Page: DTP12 | Gallery