Wednesday, November 26, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I’m having trouble trusting my husband after I caught him in an emotional affair

Dear Annie: Four years ago, I caught my husband lying and cheating in an emotional affair (he says there was never any sex). He and this same woman had been cheating for 10 years. She is married with grown children. She never told her husband what she did, so she has gotten away with it.

We went to counseling, and it seems that my husband is on the straight and narrow. I love him dearly. We’ve been married for 25 years, have three wonderful children and get along wonderfully.

The problem is, I am always worried that he is still doing things behind my back with this woman. He swears up and down that he has no contact with her. He claims he caught her lying and doesn’t even want her as a friend. But I know he has forgiven her for lying at least three times before. I honestly do not believe what he tells me, and it is affecting my peace of mind.

I have considered moving just to get out of this small community where everyone knows everybody else. I want to punch her every time I run into her. Should I tell my husband how I feel? We have spoken about the past so many times that neither of us wants to bring it up again. He knows how much he hurt me. — Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed: Trust is difficult to regain, and it is made more complicated when your husband lives near the Other Woman. It is important that your husband be completely transparent in all of his dealings. Can you check his phone or email whenever you worry he is slipping back into old habits? If he hides things from you, you have cause for concern. But otherwise, please try to put your concerns in perspective. And don’t feel squeamish about discussing your worries with your husband, as long as you don’t make accusations that put him on the defensive. If necessary, go back for counseling and work on this.

Dear Annie: My cousin’s son recently married. Aside from my cousin’s immediate family, there were only a few family members invited to the wedding. It wasn’t a small wedding. There were at least 200 guests.

The problem is the way my cousin and her husband acted toward us. My cousin seemed upset all evening. She was fairly cordial, but acted stressed. Her husband, whom we’ve known for 35 years, did not greet or acknowledge our presence. He was cold and absolutely rude. They sat at our table and had nothing to say. While the bridesmaids gave speeches, they occupied themselves with their cellphones. We felt unwelcome. The bride barely looked our way and didn’t give us a chance to congratulate her, although the groom briefly greeted us.

I want to tell my cousin how rude her husband was, but I’m not sure how to approach her. How do we handle this? — N.J.

Dear N.J.: You are making a lot of assumptions about your cousin’s behavior. We think her stress and her husband’s coldness had nothing to do with you. More likely, their behavior was a result of wedding stress (and possibly the bride). And remember that sitting with the groom’s parents is a great honor. If they wanted to insult you, they would have seated you much farther away. Unless they do other things that are deliberately rude, please say nothing.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Boondoggled in Boise,” whose father refused to let the granddaughter see his coin collection and demanded it be sold through a third party. Why didn’t you suggest that the sons talk to the third party and buy the coins for fair market value?

Dad doesn’t need to know his kids are the buyers. He gets to sell the coins the way he wants, and the brothers get to keep them in the family. — Know About Difficult Relatives

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Articles

  • Enter your email address to subscribe and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • .

    Solano News

    Groups distribute Thanksgiving food

    By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
     
    County fair proposal, budget topics of scrutiny

    By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Police: Vehicle burglaries not new for Fairfield

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

     
    Supervisors hear suggestions for vacant county property

    By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

     
    Fairfield police offer free gun locks

    By Ian Thompson | From Page: A4

     
    Fairfield police investigate shooting

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

     
    Library schedules soap-making program

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A4

    Vacaville PD seeks VIPS program volunteers

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A4

     
    Soroptimists seek award applicants

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A5

     
    Science comes to libraries – for all to see

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A5

     
    Church’s holiday soiree on Vacaville calendar

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A7

     
    Nichols plans free family concert in Napa

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A7

    Fairfield police log: Nov. 22, 2014

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A9

     
    Suisun City police log: Nov. 23, 2014

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A9, 1 Comment

    Suisun City police log: Nov. 22, 2014

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A9

     
    Suisun City police log: Nov. 24, 2014

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

    Fairfield police log: Nov. 23, 2014

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A9

     
    Weather for Nov. 26, 2014

    By Daily Republic | From Page: B12

    .

    US / World

    Grand jury focused on key fatal Ferguson ‘tussle’

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

     
    Anger at Ferguson case based on emotion, evidence

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

    Tough to make a case against police in shootings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

     
    Protesters return to riot-scarred Ferguson streets

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

    Heirloom ring flushed; sewer workers retrieve it

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Ohio family recovers missing Sasquatch statue

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Auction fetches $28K for 1st batch of new bourbon

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    In Seattle, tofu turkeys get Thanksgiving pardons

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Los Angeles freeway sign unveiled with typo

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Agreement: LA jails to improve wheelchair access

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    Window washer fights for life after 11-story fall

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Cosby philanthropy shadowed by sexual allegations

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

    Oakland police arrest more than 40 protesters

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

     
    Lawmakers target Golden Gate Bridge sidewalk fee

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

    Arkansas, Mississippi gay marriage bans overturned

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

     
    Calorie count to appear with many prepared foods

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

    Activists: Syrian strikes kill 60 in IS-held city

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

     
    AP sources: Top candidate for defense job bows out

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

    WWII Museum opening new pavilion in New Orleans

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

     
    Police: Students ran high school prostitution ring

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

    Wet basements in Buffalo as flooding fears ease

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

     
    Soldiers to spend Thanksgiving in Ebola isolation

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

    2 teen female bombers kill more than 40 in Nigeria

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

     
    8 shoes of Holocaust victims stolen in Poland

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

    Official: Afghan president orders military review

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

     
    .

    Opinion

     
    Hagel: The fall guy

    By David Rothkopf | From Page: A8

     
    Senate staff cuts reduce transparency

    By Dan Walters | From Page: A8

    .

    Living

    Community Calendar: Nov. 26, 2014

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

     
    Today in History: Nov. 26, 2014

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Community Calendar: Nov. 25, 2014

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

     
    The man I’m seeing makes no effort to get to know my kids

    By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B5

    Horoscope for Nov. 26, 2014

    By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B5

     
    A do-ahead cornmeal biscuit to sop up your gravy

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

    Eggs make all the difference in mashed potatoes

    By J.M. Hirsch | From Page: B6

     
    Fresh take on an herb-roasted Thanksgiving turkey

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

    Turn turkey leftovers into a healthy dinner salad

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

     
    .

    Entertainment

    TVGrid

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A7

     
    ‘Birdman’ leads Spirit Awards nominations

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

    .

    Sports

    Vacaville Christian wins 3-0, advances to state quarterfinals

    By Marcus Lomtong | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Curry powers Warriors past Heat 114-97

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

    49ers rookies shine in big roles, out of necessity

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

     
    Cousins, Kings beat Pelicans 99-89

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Red Sox bring in Sandoval, Hanley Ramirez

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Bama, FSU, Oregon, Miss St keep playoff rankings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Messi sets European record with 74 goals

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Judge OKs Hernandez trial delay in 2012 killings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Kurt Busch wins delay of Delaware court hearing

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Giants third base coach Tim Flannery retires

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    AP source: Left-hander Jon Lester, Giants to meet

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Pats are unanimous No. 1 in AP Pro32 rankings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    NFL, union discuss personal conduct policy

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    .

    Business

    New iPhones push Apple’s market cap past $700B

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

     
    Twitter lets merchants offer deals to its users

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

    US economy posts even stronger growth in Q3

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

     
    Thanksgiving travel woes? There’s an app for that

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

    US home price gains slow for 10th straight month

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

     
    Barbie dethroned by Team Elsa

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

    Rain, snow could mess up Thanksgiving travel

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Esther Ringler

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

     
    Glenita Reyes McLaughliin

    By Daily Republic | From Page: A4

    Leslie “Esi” Gros

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Dilbert

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Peanuts

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Baby Blues

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Pickles

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Zits

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Sally Forth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Rose is Rose

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Get Fuzzy

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Frank and Ernest

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    B.C.

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Blondie

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Garfield

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Wizard of Id

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    For Better or Worse

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Beetle Bailey

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Baldo

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Cryptoquote

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

     
    Sudoku

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

    Bridge

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

     
    Word Sleuth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5