Saturday, December 27, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I’m don’t know how to get my 36-year-old, drug addicted son the help he needs

By
From page B5 | November 06, 2012 |

Dear Annie: My husband, “Paul,” wants nothing to do with my 36-year-old son, “Alan.” I admit that Alan lived with us too long and has done some terrible things, but he’s my son and I love him. I’ve enabled him because of his health problems. He has diabetes, epilepsy and vision problems and, in the past year, has lost 80 pounds.

A few weeks ago, Alan threatened suicide and had a knife in his hand. Paul didn’t know what to do and called the police to have Alan arrested. We found out later that he was doing drugs, so Paul kicked him out and issued a restraining order keeping his stepson away from the house.

Alan was gone for several weeks, living with various friends. Despite the restraining order, he came over yesterday morning. He hadn’t eaten in days. His friends have abandoned him, and he is homeless. Paul said he “needs to learn,” but I was worried sick and was so glad to see him. But when Paul saw him eating at the kitchen table, he threatened to move out.

I thought I had found a home for Alan at the local mission, but discovered he was blackballed because of some incident years ago. Now he’s on the street with no medicine, friends or money. But, Annie, he’s my son. No one should live like this.

Paul refuses to let him come back, even conditionally. I’m not crazy about it, either, but I don’t know how to get Alan the help he needs. What can I do? — Heartbroken Mother

Dear Mother: This must be terribly painful for you, but there are limits to how much you can help a child who is on drugs and refuses to help himself. Contact Nar-Anon (nar-anon.org) at 800-477-6291 and ask for assistance. You also could call or visit the local mission and see whether they will give you a referral to another facility that might take Alan in.

Dear Annie: In June, I received an invitation to my second cousin’s high school graduation. The same day, I received an invitation to her sister’s wedding with a note saying she also had just graduated from college. Mind you, I had not heard from this side of the family in years. (My husband recently died, and I received no condolences.)

I sent a respectable amount of money to the younger sister and a lovely Catholic Bible to the bride and groom (a Catholic friend suggested this). I was quite thrilled to do this for them. But here I sit, months later, with no thank-you note, not even a preprinted acknowledgment. If the bride and groom are too busy, even a note from my cousin would diminish my disappointment.

What do you think of this? — B.W. in Florida

Dear Florida: We think this is quite rude. You can, of course, call your cousin and ask whether the gifts were received. A lost item is always a possibility. And if you don’t attend these events or know these people well, you do not have to send anything more than a card with your best wishes.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Bring Back Wedding Etiquette” about the couple who requested donations for their honeymoon. I was aghast, to put it mildly. Had I received that invitation, I think I would have made a donation to a national food bank in their name and sent a note saying, “A couples massage might last an hour. This donation in your name will feed a family for several days.” — Omaha

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Articles

  • Enter your email address to subscribe and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • .

    Solano News

    Suisun Valley celebrates appellation’s anniversary

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

     
     
    Girl’s selfless act boosts Suisun Wildlife Center

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

    Beer for 1st butterfly of year challenge returns

    By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
     
    Fire damages Fairfield home

    By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3

    Car rolls over on Highway 113

    By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3

     
     
    Suisun City police log: Dec. 25, 2014

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

    Fairfield police log: Dec. 25, 2014

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

     
     
    .

    US / World

    California braces for first widespread frost

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

     
    California gears up for migrant driver’s licenses

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 7 Comments

    Inmate breaks out of jail through ventilation duct

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

     
    People slide down bedsheets to escape motel fire

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

    Court: LA Police Department policy for impounding cars is OK

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

     
    4 dead in fiery Northern California car crash

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

     
    Police officer shoots woman in leg in Hollywood

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 4 Comments

    Bodies of woman, 3 grandsons found in burned home

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Truck crashes into home; 93-year-old resident dies

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    Scientists target mess from Christmas tree needles

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Baby ostracized by other gorillas will switch zoos

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    Thousands attend 8-hour wake for slain NYC officer

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

     
    Study: Marijuana use has increased in Colorado

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 2 Comments

    Dog not gone: Rescue in the Columbia Gorge

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

     
    Lawmakers promise to help strapped oil-patch towns

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

    Feline fame in cyberspace gives species a boost

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

     
    At 101, dedicated union rep is calling it quits

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

    Can GOP shatter ‘Obama coalition’ in 2016?

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A10, 2 Comments

     
    GPS used to track some immigrants caught at border

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A10, 1 Comment

    10th anniversary of tsunami is marked with tears

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

     
    .

    Opinion

    Sony hack is reminder of broader Sony dysfunction

    By William Pesek | From Page: A8

     
    A proud man, a good honorable man

    By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 30 Comments

     
    .

    Living

    Today in History: Dec. 27, 2014

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Community Calendar: Dec. 27, 2014

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

    Horoscopes: Dec. 27, 2014

    By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B5

     
    Remember, caregivers need some care attention, too

    By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B5

    Cow that fled slaughterhouse in 2006 has new home, again

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

     
    .

    Entertainment

    TVGrid

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    1990s TV star ‘Screech’ charged in bar stabbing

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7, 1 Comment

     
    Jazz great Buddy DeFranco dies at age 91

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

    .

    Sports

    Games to Remember from 2014

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Suns outlast Kings 115-106 for 5th straight win

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

     
    Anthony Davis, Roman meet over tweet

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

    Cleveland reaches 50 years of sports futility

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Arizona’s Lindley back at starter, Stanton has infection

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Prep JV boys basketball: Vanden gets win in Dixon tourney

    By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

     
    Could Watt be 1st NFL MVP from defense since Taylor in 1986?

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Dan Uggla joins Nationals for minor league deal

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Georgia’s Richt: RB Todd Gurley heading to NFL

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Slumping New Jersey Devils fire coach Pete DeBoer

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    No. 1 Kentucky, No. 4 Louisville resume rivalry

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Raiders rookie CB makes most of opportunity

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    High-scoring offenses create longer college games

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Anderson: post-game petulance was out of character

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

     
    Chiefs QB Alex Smith out with lacerated spleen

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Globetrotters’ Robert ‘Showboat’ Hall dies

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    NC State wins Bitcoin Bowl to cap turnaround year

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Rutgers beats North Carolina in Quick Lane Bowl

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    La. Tech beats Illinois 35-18 in Heart of Dallas Bowl

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    This date in sports history for Saturday, Dec. 27, 2014

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

     
    Weather for Saturday, Dec. 27, 2014

    By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B11

     
    .

    Business

    In 2014, US economy began shaky, finished strong

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 1 Comment

     
    Holiday deliveries improve but hiccups continue

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

    Missouri 1st to see average gas price below $2

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6, 1 Comment

     
    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Baldo

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Get Fuzzy

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Beetle Bailey

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    B.C.

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Sally Forth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Zits

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    For Better or Worse

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Pickles

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Garfield

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Blondie

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Baby Blues

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Peanuts

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Rose is Rose

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Dilbert

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Wizard of Id

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Word Sleuth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

    Crossword

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

     
    Cryptoquote

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

    Sudoku

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

     
    Bridge

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

    .

    Home Seller 12/27/14

    Average US 30-year mortgage edges up slightly

    By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR2

    Real estate transactions for Dec. 27, 2014

    By Daily Republic | From Page: HSR2