Saturday, November 1, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I’m concerned that Loretta’s children are taking advantage of Horace

Dear Annie: My friend “Horace” is 75. He spends a lot of time with “Loretta,” a childhood friend who is experiencing some dementia. It is getting to the point where Loretta doesn’t remember how to do many of the things she used to be exceptional at, and of course, it makes her frustrated and agitated.

This gal is a widow with children, and her husband left her a profitable business. The children have never liked any of the guys she’s dated, but they tolerate Horace because he is now her unpaid caregiver. The only other person who is around the house is a part-time secretary for the company.

The kids recently had a letter drawn up to notify Horace that he should not expect anything from Loretta’s estate when she dies. He is well-off already, so that doesn’t matter. The kids otherwise keep a hands-off approach when it comes to their mother. They deny that she suffers from any dementia, and we doubt her doctor is aware of it – her kids won’t report it, and Loretta says nothing because she is afraid they will put her in a nursing home.

Loretta feels lost when Horace isn’t around. It is also getting more difficult to calm her down when she becomes agitated. I am concerned about Horace because I think the kids are taking advantage of his devotion. If something should happen to her, I can see them blaming him. He is already losing sleep over her episodes, and I know her condition worries him. How can Horace protect himself, as well as Loretta, without upsetting the kids? — M.

Dear M: Could Horace accompany Loretta to her next doctor’s appointment and discuss her dementia? (He also could write to the doctor, explaining his concerns.) It would be best if Horace could convince Loretta’s children to pay more attention to her care, letting them know that she needs more than he can provide. If she can no longer live alone, it would be preferable that the kids hire a caregiver or place Loretta in an assisted-living complex or continuing-care facility where someone will check on her before she burns down the house. She still could retain some independence. Horace also can contact the Eldercare Locator (eldercare.gov) at 800-677-1116 and ask about available resources.

Dear Annie: Is there a polite way to tell family and friends that you don’t want a Christmas gift? My wife and I are getting up there in years. If we need or want something, we buy it. All we really want is quality time with our family members, not useless gifts. — Salem Ore.

Dear Salem: It is perfectly OK to tell your family and friends that this year you’d like nothing more than a gift of their time. Don’t make comments about how useless their material gifts would be. Say only that at this point you cherish visits with the important people in your lives. If these same people choose to buy you something anyway, please accept it graciously, say thank you, and then donate it to charity.

Dear Annie: “Young and Stuck’s” husband mirrors the distancing behavior of my husband, which led to our divorce. Now, more than 60 years later, I have read of similar behavior in descriptions of concussion victims, particularly athletes in contact sports.

At the age of 16, my husband played high school football and had two concussions. As he grew more distant in our marriage, I noted his glassy, fixed stare and flat expression. After our divorce, he married several more times and went through bankruptcy. “Stuck” needs to get her husband in for a neurological exam and find a good counselor for herself. — Also Stuck and Poor

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. 

 

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Mom gets creative to costume son, his wheelchair

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Mall proves right site for many on wet Halloween

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A1

 
Wellness Recovery Action Plan training dates set

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

 
Suisun police warn of scam involving phony IRS agents

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

 
Costumes rule day at Halloween parade

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Few details available on Halloween shooting

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A4

 
Dance with me . . . the old-fashioned way

By Murray Bass | From Page: B5

 
Beach scene in ‘Carp’ worth a visit

By George Medovoy | From Page: B5

 
Fairfield police log: Oct. 30, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

Suisun City police log: Oct. 30, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

 
.

US / World

Military sex survey draws complaints

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Conviction in 1984 Pleasanton classmate murder

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Poll: Voters favor water bond, sentencing changes

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Castro, Sacramento Zoo’s popular tiger, dies

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Spacecraft for tourists breaks up on test flight

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
‘Grim Reaper’ attacks woman in California home

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Early votes exceed 15 million – but who benefits?

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Ex-band member guilty in drum major’s hazing death

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

NTSB: Kansas plane drifted to left before crashing

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
2 arrested as people flock to Hawaii lava

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Painted faces at parks need painstaking removal

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Judge rejects attempt to isolate nurse

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Sharpton calls for federal prosecution in Ferguson

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Kansas urges judge not to rule on gay marriage

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Creator of Operation couldn’t afford own operation

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
Hospital: Girl, 14, dies after school shooting

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

Peshmerga fighters enter Syrian border

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Protests push Burkina Faso president from power

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Canada restricts visas amid Ebola scare

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Mexico police questioned in killing of 3 Americans

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Italy phases out sea rescues to save migrants

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Israel cartoon highlights troubled ties with US

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

UN: Growing number of foreigners in terror groups

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Russia: Natural gas will flow after Ukraine pays

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Liberia opens 1 of largest Ebola treatment centers

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Yemen’s Shiite rebels give president ultimatum

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

.

Opinion

Davenport, Strickland for Suisun council

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 1 Comment

 
Editorial cartoons: Nov. 1, 2014

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
New initiative law makes far too few fixes

By Thomas Elias | From Page: A8

Letter on threats case misses mark

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 1 Comment

 
Moy should be re-elected Nov. 4

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 4 Comments

.

Living

Today in History: Nov. 1, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Nov. 1, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

Families need acknowledgement of their loss, no matter the cause of death

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B11

 
Horoscopes: Nov. 1, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B11

.

Entertainment

Hello Kitty’s 40 years of cuteness and cool

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Taylor Swift gets a Bronx cheer as NYC Ambassador

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

Crowds, cuteness overwhelm first Hello Kitty Con

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Rowling reveals new tidbits on Pottermore site

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

.

Sports

Indians saddle Mustangs with 50-0 defeat

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Orange fever reigns over drizzly Giants’ parade

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Wildcats top Armijo 49-15 on muddy Halloween

By Marcus Lomtong | From Page: B1

 
Kentucky earns No. 1 nod in AP preseason poll

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Warriors, Thompson agree to maximum extension

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Untapable wins Breeders’ Cup Distaff

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Cubs hire Maddon as manager, fire Renteria

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
49ers LB Willis to be game time decision

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Raiders may be without starting CB Carlos Rogers

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Gay leads Kings past Trail Blazers 103-94

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Sports on TV for Saturday-Sunday, Nov. 1-2, 2014

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B4

 
This date in baseball history for Saturday, Nov. 1, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

Stewart hits 200 mph, Kenseth takes Texas pole

By The Associated Press | From Page: B12

 
.

Business

 
Microsoft promises new Office for Macs next year

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

US stock indexes zoom back to record highs

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

 
Exxon, Chevron shrug off effect of low oil prices

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

Now in aisle 3 at Lowe’s: robots

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

 
US consumer spending down 0.2 percent in September

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

.

Obituaries

Robert Christensen

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

 
Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

 
Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

 
Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

 
Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

 
B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B10

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B11

 
Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B11

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B11

 
Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B11

Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B11

 
.

Home Seller 11/1/14

Average US 30-year loan rate up to 3.98 pct.

By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR2

Real estate transactions for Nov. 1, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: HSR2

left over transactions from Oct. 25

By Daily Republic | From Page: HSR2, 1 Comment

Right at Home: artistry and artifice in new tiles

By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR3