Monday, March 30, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I tried to do my best while raising my daughters, but I feel like a failure

By
June 10, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I have two adult daughters, both married now. “Beth” lives nearby, but “Gina” moved across the country.

Beth was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar disorder when she was in her early 20s. I think she suffered from it during childhood, but was undiagnosed. When they were children, I spent a great deal of time trying to calm Beth down and was aware that Gina did not get the same degree of attention. I tried to make up for it by doing things with Gina outside of the house. I became her Brownie troop leader and went on her class field trips. I made it my business to see that we had calm times together.

Now that Beth is on medication, she is a different person. But it may be too late. Gina doesn’t want to come home anymore because she says she doesn’t feel safe here. Gina tells me that she is being treated for PTSD due to verbal abuse and neglect she suffered as a child. She says I should have done a better job of protecting her. She hasn’t spoken to Beth in two years. I respect her feelings, but I don’t understand why she cannot forgive Beth knowing how ill she was.

Beth is expecting her second child, but I didn’t tell Gina, because I thought she wouldn’t care. Her grandmother spilled the beans, and now Gina thinks Beth was deliberately “getting even” because Gina didn’t invite Beth to her wedding.

I feel like such a failure. I am not getting any younger and worry that the two of them will air their dirty laundry at my funeral. I love both of my girls, but I don’t know how to resolve this. — Brokenhearted Mother

Dear Mother: Please stop beating yourself up. A child with behavioral issues is a tremendous challenge to parents and siblings alike. Even though Beth’s behavior was not your fault, Gina needs you to apologize for not giving her the childhood she thinks she deserved, and more importantly, Beth needs to reach out to her sister and ask for forgiveness. These small things can go a long way toward healing. Also ask whether Gina would seek counseling with you. Be patient, but don’t give up.

Dear Annie: Last Memorial Day, I visited the grave of a relative to pay my respects. I looked up and saw a group of people walking by with their dogs – right over the graves. The cemetery has a sign saying no dogs are allowed. On a holiday like Memorial Day, the groundskeepers aren’t there to say anything. I gave them a stern look, as I certainly didn’t want their dogs to relieve themselves on my relative’s grave. They just looked at me and laughed.

This undoubtedly will happen again. How can I deal with it without losing my cool? I find this disrespectful and disgusting. — Anywhere USA

Dear USA: Those cemeteries that do not permit dogs will post a sign, as yours did. Those who bring their dogs in spite of these signs are trespassing and should be reported to the cemetery owners, as well as the police. In cemeteries where dogs are allowed, considerate owners will not permit their animals to relieve themselves on a grave, but will direct them to other areas within the cemetery and will clean up after them.

Dear Annie: I would like to respond to “Different Gods,” the Pagan who doesn’t want to attend church with her boyfriend’s family at Christmas.

I have been a practicing pagan for 30 years. Though I am devoted to my religion, I am still able to celebrate with family and friends. Holidays are about the season, the sharing and the joy in being alive. “Different Gods” should embrace the holidays as a way to show her love for her boyfriend and his family. Maybe then he might be more interested in attending some pagan festivals. — L.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

2 drivers killed in same area, an hour apart

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A1, 9 Comments

 
Easter activities, events abundant

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Christians begin Holy Week with Palm Sunday celebrations

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
My guide to dining out

By Tony Wade | From Page: A2, 5 Comments

Top young spellers to compete for Solano title

By Glen Faison | From Page: A3

 
Police investigate shooting off North Texas Street

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3, 8 Comments | Gallery

Vallejo police seek leads in weekend homicide

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

 
Local governments post week’s meeting times

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

Biz Buzz: PAL receives donation from glass company

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10 | Gallery

 
Biz Buzz: Wiseman officer names Perez to key post

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A10

 
Biz Buzz: Re/Max hires new Realtor

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

.

US / World

 
Analysis finds unequal pay for women on California Capitol

By The Associated Press | From Page: A3

Songwriter injured in California crash; motorcyclist killed

By The Associated Press | From Page: A3

 
Taylor Swift wins artist of the year at iHeartRadio Awards

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Police: 2 bodies found in NYC building explosion rubble

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Waving fronds around the world, Christians mark Palm Sunday

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Air Canada plane makes hard landing short of Halifax runway

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

Small tsunami generated in Pacific after earthquake

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
.

Living

Community Calendar: March 30, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Today in History: March 30, 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Horoscopes: March 30, 2015

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B6

Parenting: If a father is abusive, a mother must act

By The Washington Post | From Page: B8

 
Horoscopes: March 31, 2015

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B8

.

Entertainment

TVGrid March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A10

 
TVGrid March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A11

Michelle Obama declares ‘Black Girls Rock!’

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11, 3 Comments

 
.

Sports

Duke back in Final Four after 66-52 win over Gonzaga

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Spartans Final Four-bound after 76-70 OT win over Louisville

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
California Chrome heads to Britain, to race at Royal Ascot

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Vettel wins Malaysian GP to end Mercedes streak

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Joe Gibbs on son: most courageous person I’ve been around

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Chodounsky defends slalom title at US Alpine Championships

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
South Carolina earns 1st Final Four berth, beats FSU 80-74

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Turner says Saturday regional finals highest-rated in decade

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Apology for wrong anthem for El Salvador before game in US

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Montoya holds off Power to give Penske 1-2 sweep at St. Pete

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Stanford’s Randle chases school scoring record, title at NIT

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Hamlin wins for 25th time, and fifth time at Martinsville

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Hamlin wins for 25th time, and fifth time at Martinsville

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Jimmy Walker wins hometown Texas Open

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Oakland OF Josh Reddick won’t be ready for start of season

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Cain goes 4 innings in Giants win over LA

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Graveman pitches into 7th inning as A’s beat Brewers 7-0

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

.

Business

.

Obituaries

Janice Jewel Thompson

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Robert Roberts

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

.

Comics

Blondie March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Pickles March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Get Fuzzy March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Sally Forth March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

For Better or Worse March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Baldo March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Garfield March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Dilbert March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Baby Blues March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Frank and Ernest March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

B.C. March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Wizard of Id March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Beetle Bailey March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Rose is Rose March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Peanuts March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Zits March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Word Sleuth March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Crossword March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Cryptoquote March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Sudoku March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Bridge March 30

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Peanuts March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Baldo March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Rose is Rose March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Beetle Bailey March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
For Better or Worse March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Dilbert March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Garfield March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Pickles March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Zits March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Sally Forth March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Get Fuzzy March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Wizard of Id March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Baby Blues March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Frank and Ernest March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
B.C. March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

Blondie March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
Sudoku March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B8

Cryptoquote March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B8

 
Crossword March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B8

Word Sleuth March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B8

 
Bridge March 31

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B8