Friday, November 21, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I suspect my wife was once a victim of incest. What do I talk to her about it?

By
From page B7 | December 05, 2012 |

Dear Annie: I am perplexed as to what to do. I’m positive that my wife was a victim of incest, but I don’t know how to broach the subject or how to help her.

Her sister manifests similar problems that I’ve heard are caused by rape by one’s father. But I don’t have any hard evidence, only a hunch. What can I do? How do you open such a discussion? — G.

Dear G.: Signs of incest do not distinguish between abuse by one’s father as opposed to one’s uncle, brother, stepparent or other trusted relative or friend. Signs can include flashbacks, nightmares, memory issues, anxiety disorders, self-mutilation, an inability to form relationships, sexual dysfunction, eating disorders, and drug or alcohol abuse, among others. We don’t know what specifically makes you believe your wife and her sister have been victims of incest, but please contact RAINN (rainn.org) at 800-656-HOPE for additional information and assistance.

Dear Annie: I am 55 and the oldest of three siblings. We had a close, happy family until my father died unexpectedly six years ago. After the funeral, I saw my mother sitting with my sister, “Nina,” and her insurance agent, having everything changed to Nina’s name. It used to be in mine.

My mother is of completely sound mind. Since Dad passed, however, she has allowed Nina to control her life. My sister handles all of her finances and won’t discuss them with my brother or me. Although Mom and I used to go places together, she now won’t get in my car for any reason, not even to attend church.

Nina’s family has my mother buffaloed into thinking they are the only ones who care about her. My brother and I feel like outcasts. Unlike Nina, we are quite successful and don’t need anything from Mom. I love my mother, Annie, but she pushes me away. This morning, I went to have tea with her, as I do every day, and she was whispering into the phone to Nina with her hand over her mouth so I wouldn’t overhear. I try to remain a good daughter, but my feelings are so hurt. I know Nina would love it if I stopped visiting. Why would a parent choose a favorite like this? — Used To Be Her Daughter

Dear Used To Be: While you say your mother is of “sound mind,” you could be wrong. The sudden death of her husband could have sent her into a tailspin of depression, anxiety and confusion. Your sister exploited this, but Mom may have been so grateful that Nina took over that she submitted totally and now fears alienating her in any way.

When you visit Mom for morning tea, please talk to her about this. Don’t mention Nina, which will turn it into a competition and force Mom to defend your sister. Simply tell her you love her and worry that she is pushing you away. Ask how to improve your relationship so it doesn’t disintegrate.

Dear Annie: “Mike’s” letter explaining how important interaction is with a terminal cancer patient made me weep for all the times I did nothing. Thank you so much for printing it.

Caregivers of those patients should be urged to use hospice as soon as the inevitable is made known. I lost my husband to cancer 12 years ago. I thought I should do everything myself for as long as I could, but now I know that hospice would have made it so much easier for him, as well as for me. Hospice staff know exactly what to do and when to do it. Sorry to say, there were times when I did not. — Moving Forward Now

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Drill helps hospitals deal with potential Ebola outbreak

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Fairfield on film celebration set Saturday

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

 
Solano high school students bring robotics to Shanghai, China

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Hanukkah Festival added to Holiday in the Park

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

 
Holidays present seasonal entertainment

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

Memories of Thanksgiving Days gone by

By Tony Wade | From Page: A2

 
Man shot at Suisun City apartment

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3

 
Driver dies in Fairfield when pickup hits parked big rig

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A3, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Fairfield police log: Nov. 19, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

Suisun City police log: Nov. 19, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

 
.

US / World

Emotions rise as people hear immigration plan

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Obama spurns GOP with expansive immigration orders

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 1 Comment

Congress can’t ‘de-fund’ Obama on immigration

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
A look at the numbers in Obama’s immigration plan

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

California sheriff criticizes Obama on immigration

By The Associated Press | From Page: A3

 
PG&E fined over alleged secret dealings

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Deal divides billions in closed nuke plant’s costs

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
California tuition hike fight shifts to Sacramento

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Feinstein: Drought relief bill out for this year

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

 
GOP’s success in House races ends in California

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

Insurance sign-ups outpacing first year enrollment

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Man who killed co-worker, cut out heart released

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

St. Louis region prepares for Ferguson decision

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Union: Ferguson officer does not expect charges

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

NOAA: Globe sets 5th hottest-month record of 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Roofs collapse as New York clobbered by more snow

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

Hearing draws apology, admission in air bag mess

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Florida State shooter was well-liked but troubled

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

Officials downplay debates over Ebola aid response

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Boko Haram said to kill about 45 people in Nigeria

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Israeli mayor’s ban on Arab workers ignites uproar

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Protesters, police clash in Mexico before marches

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Egypt acquits doctor in female genital mutilation

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Slain beauty queen, sister buried in Honduras

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

.

Opinion

Why are we still changing clock times?

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A11, 16 Comments

 
Editorial Cartoons: Nov. 21, 2014

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: A11

 
Musings on immigration, Ferguson, the president

By Bud Stevenson | From Page: A11

Thank you to businesses that support veterans

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A11

 
 
Thank you for saving my purse

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A11

.

Living

Today in History: Nov. 21, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Nov. 21, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

I have several part-time jobs and have no time or money for a personal life

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A9

 
Horoscopes: Nov. 21, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A9

.

Entertainment

Week in preview Nov. 21-27, 2014

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

 
Mike Nichols, crafter of films, plays, dies at 83

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Hollywood pays tribute to Mike Nichols

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Five memorable movies from Mike Nichols

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Highlights from Mike Nichols’ multi-genre career

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Handler apologizes for watermelon joke at awards

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

O’Keeffe painting sells for record $44.4M in NYC

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
TV Land pulls ‘Cosby Show’ from lineup

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Mysterious sculpture recovered from River Seine

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Review: Revolution gathering in ‘Mockingjay

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Entertainment calendar Nov. 21, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: B4

 
How a ‘tiny hamster’ video gets made

By The Washington Post | From Page: B5

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
James Nesbitt as a father whose child disappears

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

.

Sports

Bulldogs, Wildcats into SJS quarterfinals

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B7

 
Raiders snap 16-game skid with 24-20 win vs. KC

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
Giants confident they’re in Pablo Sandoval chase

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

Intense Boldin keeps making big catches for 49ers

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
Lewis in range of big prize at Tour Championship

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Hendrick gives Kahne 3-year contract extension

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
NASCAR: Johnson says Harvick was correct winner

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Jared Goff growing into role of Cal’s ‘Golden Boy’

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
JC volleyball: Falcons have 4 players earn all-BVC honors

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B8

Manfred given 5-year term as baseball commissioner

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Bills’ home game against Jets relocated to Detroit

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

AP source: Bermuda to host 2017 America’s Cup

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
FIFA to review World Cup corruption report

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Union appeals Adrian Peterson’s suspension

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
This week in sports history for Friday, Nov. 21, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

 
Bjugstad leads Panthers to 3-2 SO win over Sharks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

Prep football capsules: Week 12

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B10

 
Cousins, Gay lead Kings past Bulls, 103-88

By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

.

Business

LaCrosse rides Buick’s high reliability rating

By Ann M. Job | From Page: C1

 
Ford gets the aluminum F-150 ready for prime time

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

Country of origin label for meat cuts endangered

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

 
Polls: Employers still prioritize health coverage

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

New Mexico lawmakers grill spaceport boss

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

 
Family gets $6.75 million in Botox treatment case

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

Gap names heads of namesake brand, Banana Republic

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

 
AT&T pays $23.8 M to settle hazardous-waste case

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

Soaring generic drug prices draw Senate scrutiny

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

 
US home sales rise in October

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

US unemployment aid applications fall to 291,000

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

 
.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9