Dear Annie: I’ve been with “Betty” for 20 years. Last week, a repairman came to fix the phone line. On his way out, Betty followed him and said in a sexy voice, “I like bald-headed men. You come back.”
Betty didn’t know I overheard what she said until I walked in after she had picked up the phone to call her girlfriend. She then told the woman that it probably hurt my feelings.
She’s right. It hurt my feelings and made me realize she really didn’t care one whit about me. When I called her out on it, she claimed she was just being friendly.
I told her that was a little too friendly – it was a blatant invitation for the repairman to come back to see her. Of course, she denies that’s what she intended.
Betty refuses to discuss this with me and blows up if I say anything. She has always been a real flirt, although to my knowledge, she’s never actually done anything. But I feel she should not have spoken to the repairman like that. She said she did nothing wrong. Who’s right? — Fuming in Florida
Dear Fuming: It is disrespectful for Betty to flirt with other men. However, you know she is a flirt and doesn’t follow through. We don’t think it has anything to do with her feelings for you. Flirtatious people behave this way without thought, and either minimize or don’t realize how hurtful it can be for their partners.
We know it will be difficult, but instead of turning this into an argument, we suggest you quietly and sincerely tell Betty that you love her and are committed to her, and that you know she wouldn’t behave this way if she understood how much it hurts you. (She also could get into some big trouble if she flirts with the wrong guy.) Then let it go. She will be defensive, but we hope she pays more attention in the future.
Dear Annie: A friend used Facebook to set up a raffle as a fundraiser to help a cousin who lost his wife. I donated several things and also attended the dinner held at a church facility and bought many raffle tickets. We were excited to see who the winners were, but toward the end of the event, we were informed that the drawing would be held later at someone’s home. The next day, I sent an email through Facebook to the coordinator asking whether the winning names would be shared, and she told me all winners would be notified. I have not heard another word, and a list of the winners was never posted.
Several months have passed, and I’m beginning to get suspicious. A few of the donated jewelry items were not visible the night of the raffle, and a gift certificate donated by another relative was missing. My cousin asked for a list of the winners and never received it. What do you think of this? — Frustrated Donor
Dear Frustrated: Either the coordinator is poorly organized and hasn’t managed to do the necessary work, or she has no intention of doing so. There may be a legitimate reason why no one has been informed who the winners are, but even so, participants deserve an explanation. And there could be legal repercussions if she has kept the donated items for herself. Decide how deeply you wish to pursue this.
Dear Annie: I felt compelled to respond to “Not as Pretty as a Penny,” who needed emergency care and worried that her mother cared more about the cost.
I do medical billing and hear daily from people who did not realize that emergency room visits are so expensive. If there are acute care facilities in the area, those charges would be much less costly. Of course, an office visit to the family doctor would be the least expensive option. — DK from SD
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.