Sunday, September 21, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I don’t want to travel 1,200 miles to a second memorial for my mother-in-law

Dear Annie: My beloved mother-in-law passed away two years ago. We had a church funeral and a celebration of her life.

My father-in-law had the body cremated. He intends to have the ashes buried in the family plot in New York, 1,200 miles away, although he hasn’t done so yet. On more than one occasion, he has informed my husband that he wants him to go to New York for another memorial ceremony. I have never heard of having two ceremonies so far apart, and my husband is not looking forward to it. We said our goodbyes at her funeral. Planning another one feels like a dark hanging cloud.

My father-in-law recently met a lady and has decided he should have my mother-in-law’s ashes laid to rest within the next few months. He expects us to travel to the second ceremony. I feel that it is my father-in-law’s responsibility to take care of this, and frankly, it should have been done a long time ago. Am I wrong? Do we really have to drag out the burial like this? — My Heart Is Breaking

Dear Heart: Some families might find it touching to have another (small) memorial two years later, when you’ve all had the opportunity to recover from the initial sorrow and can celebrate your mother-in-law’s life with more joy. But since you don’t feel that way, you do not need to go to so much trouble. However, this is your husband’s mother, and he gets to make that decision for himself. Please do not try to influence him. If he would rather go with his father, we hope you will be supportive.

Dear Annie: As a part-time event consultant, I have seen many RSVP cards that are returned with additional guests included. I think the problem is exacerbated by the RSVP cards that are used. They say, “Number of persons attending,” followed by a blank line. That implies that the guest can choose the number of people they will bring. Perhaps they don’t realize that the host is simply asking how many of the people listed on the invitation envelope will be attending. It’s usually one person or two.

I would advise not including this on RSVP cards in the future, as it seems good manners and the rules of etiquette (and even common sense) are fast becoming things of the past. — J.E., New Orleans, La.

Dear J.E.: We agree that these RSVP cards can be misleading. They are actually a fairly recent innovation and belong more appropriately with business invitations, not wedding invites. Back in the Gilded Age, guests were expected to respond using their own personalized stationery, and pre-printed RSVP cards were later introduced as a convenience. We like your suggestion that people not include cards that give the impression that you can bring any number of guests you choose. Please, folks, only the names on the envelope are invited.

Dear Annie: Your comment to “Swimmers’ Parents” was good – it isn’t fair to hold one twin back so the other can catch up.

My twin son and daughter had similar issues. She read before he did. He ran faster. It upset them both not to be “as good” as the other. It is important to tell the children that we all have different abilities, even if we are the same age. Also, we made sure our children had separate opportunities for achievement.

When our daughter showed aptitude for playing the piano and our son wanted to play, too, we suggested another instrument he had shown interest in, and he was off and running. Sometimes we had them play little duets, and we gave them both well-deserved praise. A plus of their individual activities was that each made separate friends. They are adults now and quite close, but they are very different people. — Two Close for Comfort

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. 

 

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

County makes recommendations for crude-by-rail

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A1, 2 Comments | Gallery

 
Hartley House offers look into Vacaville’s past

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: C1 | Gallery

 
Coastal Cleanup helps get rid of trash in area

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3, 1 Comment | Gallery

Travis teachers bring creativity to Shakespeare

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A3

 
Olympians to participate in swim Lap-a-Thon

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

Circle of Friends director to speak in Fairfield

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

 
Be alert to stroke warning signs

By Marilyn Ranson | From Page: C4

Recovery community works for lifelong sobriety

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
Musical merry-go-round at Jazz Festival

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Deadline looms for lobster boil tickets

By Glen Faison | From Page: A5

 
 
Seven Artisans opens tasting room

By Barry Eberling | From Page: B7 | Gallery

BABA makes big spash

By Bud Stevenson | From Page: B7

 
Old Kmart site sees signs of new life

By Brian Miller and Karl Dumas | From Page: B8, 37 Comments | Gallery

 
Airmen with local ties finish basic training

By Nick DeCicco | From Page: B10

Fairfield police log: Sept. 19, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

 
Suisun City police log: Sept. 19, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

.

US / World

Potential push for Obama to expand military effort

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 1 Comment

 
Teams assess damage as California wildfire burns

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

McInerney, Duka help Impact beat Earthquakes

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Old pets, new chances: The case for senior adoption

By Mcclatchy-Tribune News Service | From Page: C4

Jailed, some mentally ill inmates land in lockdown

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Custer youngest winner at 16 in NASCAR series

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6 | Gallery

Retro-hip barber is growing an ‘empire’ by staying on the cutting edge

By Mcclatchy-Tribune News Service | From Page: C6

 
Tense hunt in trooper ambush case hits 8 days

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

Tour ship runs aground by NYC’s Statue of Liberty

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Astronauts getting 3-D printer at space station

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10 | Gallery

Chrysler recalling nearly 189,000 SUVs

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10, 1 Comment

 
Fire captain injured in ice bucket challenge dies

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10, 1 Comment

More than 1K people search for missing UVa student

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Second man arrested trying to enter White House

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Pope chooses a moderate for Chicago archbishop

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10, 4 Comments | Gallery

 
Turkish hostages freed, but questions linger

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

Sierra Leone staggers in Ebola isolation effort

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11 | Gallery

 
El-Sissi ready to back anti-IS fight

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11 | Gallery

NATO chief: Ukraine has cease-fire ‘in name only’

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

 
Kurdish fighters head to Syria to face militants

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

Polly Bergen, versatile actress, singer dies at 84

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

 
.

Opinion

Stores miss bus on public transit

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 9 Comments

 
Sunset Animal Hospital is the best

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

Sound off for Sept. 21, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: A8

 
New car’s fuel mileage accuracy put to the test

By Glen Faison | From Page: A8

 
 
Will they ever get the message?

By Rod Keck | From Page: A9, 8 Comments

 
.

Living

Today in History: Sept. 21, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Sept. 21, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

There is no message of hatred of violence in Christianity

By The Rev. Rick L. Stonestreet | From Page: C3, 7 Comments

 
St. Paul pastor’s pulpit? A food truck

By The Associated Press | From Page: C3 | Gallery

Horoscopes: Sept. 21, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: C4

 
My child’s father and I worked things out – but now I’m not so sure

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: C4

.

Entertainment

Erdrich wins lifetime achievement literary prize

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

 
Designer Donna Karan memoir expected next year

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

PUBLISHERS WEEKLY BEST-SELLERS

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

 
Author says Christian novel plagiarized, sex added

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2 | Gallery

Springsteen picture book out in November

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

 
TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B11

.

Sports

Williams beats A’s for third time with third team

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Cardinals look to shake off distraction vs. 49ers

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Cashner, Padres beat Giants 3-2

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Prep boys soccer preview: Indians, Vikings off to fast start

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Patriots big favorites vs. Raiders despite mediocre start

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Schumacher, Hagan win rain-delayed Carolina event

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

College football Top 25

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
No. 1 Florida St survives against No. 22 Clemson

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

Sprint car driver killed in Wisconsin

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Vacaville Christian volleyball team falls in playoffs

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B3

Stars Recreation results

By Daily Republic | From Page: B4

 
Estimated 7,000 fans trade in Ray Rice jerseys

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

Travis Bowl results

By Daily Republic | From Page: B4

 
Mi Jung Hur, Paula Reto share lead in Alabama

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

This date in sports history for Sunday, Sept. 21, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

 
Sports on TV for Sunday, Sept. 21, 2014

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B5

Harvick dismisses wins as key to Cup title

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6 | Gallery

 
Gaughan snatches Nationwide win at Kentucky

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6 | Gallery

.

Business

Extended warranties a big sell. Are they worth it?

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
Recalls this week: fire alarm bases, swings

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

US tobacco growers brace for tougher competition

By The Associated Press | From Page: B12 | Gallery

 
Marijuana industry battling stoner stereotypes

By The Associated Press | From Page: B12 | Gallery

.

Obituaries

George Junior Rhode

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics