Thursday, March 5, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I don’t want to lose my boyfriend again, even though he has schizophrenia

By
From page B6 | November 26, 2012 |

Dear Annie: Six months ago, I reconnected with the guy I have loved since grade school. “Thomas” left after graduation to live in another state. I know he has schizophrenia, and I’m willing to take the risk. Even though I’m 18 and still in high school, I plan to become a doctor. I’ve done research and know what I’m up against. Thomas says he hears voices and sees dark figures, and he snaps sometimes, but it seems like he can refocus once I get him to concentrate on me.

Last Thursday, Thomas broke up with me. He apologized for breaking my heart, but he says his schizophrenia is getting worse, and he fears he’s going to hurt me. Annie, Thomas knows I love him and would do anything for him. I gave up sleep and time to make sure he knows I’m always here. I listen to him and hold him close when he gets upset. I never get mad at him. We have never fought.

I don’t want to lose him again. That happened once, and we didn’t speak for three whole years! I don’t want to go through that emotional turmoil again. I know people say I’m “too young” to understand what love is, but I believe I have a good idea. I need advice. — Terri

Dear Terri: Thomas is telling you his schizophrenia is not under control, and he justifiably worries that he could hurt you or himself. Is he taking antipsychotic medication? He will need to do this for the rest of his life, and there are side effects. Schizophrenics also have an increased risk of drug and alcohol abuse. This is a lot of responsibility for anyone to take on.

We don’t doubt that you care deeply for Thomas, but you may be romanticizing your ability to “save” him. And your determination to have a relationship creates pressure that he apparently can’t handle. Please put his welfare first and simply be his friend with no other expectation, and encourage him to stick with appropriate medical treatment.

Dear Annie: Our son is marrying a beautiful woman from Mexico. The cost of the flights are more than his siblings can afford, not to mention the hotel, dresses, tuxes, showers, parties, etc. But we will help our kids because we know our son would be hurt if they didn’t attend.

The bride’s family may put us up at the hotel, which would be nice, but I don’t want us to look like moochers. Do we still offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner? We have told our son how much money we can give them for a wedding gift, and all of this will deplete nearly all of our savings. Any advice? — Need a Money Tree

Dear Need: Please don’t spend more than you can afford. Tell your son you have a budget that will have to cover all costs, including the rehearsal dinner. If it costs more, he will need to pay for it himself. It’s OK to accept the offer from the bride’s family to put you up at a hotel. And it is not unreasonable to suggest to your son that he and his new bride have a reception later in your hometown for his siblings and other friends. We hope he can be reasonable instead of being hurt.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Frustrated Dad,” whose son plays video games all night and sleeps all day. Our son was the same. When things crashed, it turned out he was hiding vodka, drinking all night and sleeping all day.

We had no idea our son was an alcoholic. Dad might want to check whether there is always a big bottle of mouthwash around. — Dad Who’s Been Down that Path

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Articles

  • Enter your email address to subscribe and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • .

    Solano News

    Suisun residents not happy with proposed water rate hikes

    By Ian Thompson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Docs: No significant impact from tons of SF waste sent to Solano

    By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Show resilience in the face of adversity

    By Mayrene Bates | From Page: A2

     
    Real McCoy II Ferry set for maintenance

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A3

    Vacaville police slate annual awards ceremony

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A3

     
    Limited damage to apartment from carport fire

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Students sample industry choices during school career fair

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Car burglaries lead to Vacaville man’s arrest

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A3

    Police arrest trio from Martinez in Vacaville

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A3

     
    National Red Cross Month celebrates heroes

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

    Il Fiorello schedules citrus class

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

     
    Jury convicts ex-con who served as own lawyer

    By Jess Sullivan | From Page: A4

    Red Carpet Gala to benefit theater foundation

    By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A4

     
    Pet remembrance event set in Vallejo

    By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A4

    Suisun police plan community meeting downtown

    By Ian Thompson | From Page: A4

     
    Friday concert benefits Families Helping Families

    By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A4

    Fairfield OKs $54,467 consultant pact after the fact

    By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A4

     
    Vallejo police arrest 4 in connection with 3 killings

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A4

     
    Suisun City police log: Tuesday, March 3, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

    Fairfield police log: Tuesday, March 3, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A10

     
    .

    US / World

    Woodland mom charged with manslaughter in death of infant

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

     
    Justices sharply divided over health care law subsidies

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

    ‘It was him': Defense admits Tsarnaev bombed Boston Marathon

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

     
    More mutilated animals found in California’s capital city

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

    California lawmaker pushes child care worker vaccinations

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

     
    Children in Southern California breathing easier, study says

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4 | Gallery

    Failures by 3 governments preceded homeless man’s death

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    Second Los Angeles hospital reports ‘superbug’ infections

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

    Obama signs Homeland Security funding bill into law

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    House panel issues subpoena for Clinton’s personal emails

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    Fossil jaw sheds light on turning point in human evolution

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Feds: Evidence backs Ferguson officer’s account in shooting

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    A defiant Alabama regains ground against gay marriage

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    How much sugar is in that? 7 foods with added sugar

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5 | Gallery

    Senate fails to override Obama’s veto of pipeline bill

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Microsoft co-founder says he found sunken Japan WWII warship

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

    Italy rescues more than 1,000 migrants at sea; 10 perish

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

     
    Coal mine blast kills at least 24 in war-torn east Ukraine

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6 | Gallery

    .

    Opinion

     
    Headwinds at home drive Korea Inc. abroad

    By William Pesek | From Page: A7

    How can I be sick when I feel great?

    By Kelvin Wade | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Living

    Today in History: March 5, 2015

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Community Calendar: March 5, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

    Horoscopes: March 5, 2015

    By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A9

     
    I can’t tell if I still want to be married, or just don’t want to be alone

    By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A9

    .

    Entertainment

    DiCaprio partners with Netflix for series of documentaries

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

     
    ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ tops MTV Movie Awards nominations

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

    Glen Campbell children fighting wife’s control of affairs

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

     
    .

    Sports

     
    Posey has 2-run double in Giants’ 9-2 loss to A’s

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

     
    Local report: Vanden softball slips by Rodriguez with late run

    By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B1

    Curry shoots Warriors to 102-93 victory over Bucks

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

     
    Prosecutors can’t bring up Florida shooting in ex-NFLer case

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Vikings agree to trade Cassel to Bills

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Scott opens a season of change at Doral

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    ‘It WAS him': Defense admits Tsarnaev bombed Boston Marathon

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    With Peterson’s status in question, Vikings pay a visit

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    NFL stadium supporters in LA suburb file ballot paperwork

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Alex Johnson, AL batting champ in 1970, dies at age 72

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Goodell: NFL responsible for Super Bowl seating problems

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Former player Nate Jackson calls for NFL to allow marijuana

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Phoenix to install tire barriers before NASCAR visit

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Pirelli sticks with same tire choices for first 4 F1 races

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    AP Source: Peyton Manning returning for 18th NFL season

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    NCAA reports big jump in home runs with new flat-seam ball

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    MLS, players agree in principle to 5-year deal

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Aaron D. Malave

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

     
    Thelma A. Roche

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

    Cesar Luis Garcia-Regalado

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

     
    Rodolfo Landabora Porquez

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

    .

    Comics

    Sally Forth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

     
    Peanuts

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

    Pickles

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

     
    Baldo

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

    Dilbert

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

     
    Baby Blues

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

    Beetle Bailey

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

     
    Frank and Ernest

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

    B.C.

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

     
    Garfield

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

    Rose is Rose

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

     
    For Better or Worse

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

    Zits

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

     
    Blondie

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

    Wizard of Id

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

     
    Get Fuzzy

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

    Sudoku

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

     
    Cryptoquote

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

    Crossword

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

     
    Bridge

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

    Word Sleuth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9