Sunday, May 3, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I don’t want to be intimate with a husband that says hurtful things all the time

By
From page A7 | February 25, 2013 |

Dear Annie: My husband criticizes me all the time. He also says the nastiest, most hurtful things when we argue. I have been called a slut and a troublemaker and threatened about almost everything. I don’t believe he feels bad about the way he treats me, and even when I tell him how painful it is, he continues to do it.

We all have made mistakes in our past, but he paints himself as the most innocent and pure person alive. Because of all of this, I find it hard to be intimate with him.

My husband tells me he says these things because I am provoking him. Counseling is out of the question, as he would never admit there is a problem with the way he treats me. Would someone behave like this if he doesn’t mean it? — N.N.

Dear N.N.: Your husband is a classic verbal abuser. Constant criticism and calling you names is a way to control and manipulate you. He also threatens you so you will be afraid of angering him. He refuses to discuss his behavior because he doesn’t want to take responsibility for it. You have told him his words are hurtful, but it makes no difference.

His abuse is not your fault, but it is important that you make it clear it is unacceptable. Otherwise, he will continue to belittle you, and in some cases, the behavior can escalate to physical abuse. Please lean on your family and friends for support, letting them know what is going on. We also strongly urge you to get counseling on your own in order to decide whether you can set boundaries that he will follow, or whether you must leave for your own safety and sanity.

Dear Annie: I am a 25-year-old woman with very short, spiky hair. I wear girly clothes, yet time and time again, people think I am gay. It drives me absolutely crazy. I have seen my hairstyle on other women, and it would never occur to me to think they are gay.

I admire guys when they walk by like any other woman my age. I like my hair short because it takes me three minutes to style, which means I can sleep longer. My hair is also rather thin, so a longer style looks straggly.

The length of my hair has nothing to do with my sexual orientation. I hope people will see this and think twice. — Short, Sassy and Straight

Dear Short: With so many female celebrities wearing short, spiky hairstyles these days, we are amazed that anyone would make such assumptions. Ask a few friends why your appearance gives others this impression. Or, if it bothers you, consider different makeup to feminize your face, although you do not need to justify your look to anyone. If you like it, that’s all that matters.

Dear Annie: Please tell “Frustrated Viewer in Canada” and other readers that almost all newer flat-screen televisions can be set to meet their audio needs.

My family recently was surprised to discover that TV stations were already broadcasting programs with wonderful audio. All we needed to do was read the owner’s manual for our TV and make the necessary adjustments to the audio settings. In our case, we also were able to attach external speakers using an amplifier, which gave us even clearer and richer sound.

Not only is the dialogue easier to understand, but the hearing-impaired member of our household no longer has to wear special headphones to hear the TV. And what’s even more unbelievable, the music in the commercials sounds so good, we no longer feel an urgent need to push the “mute” button. — Eureka, Calif.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Fairfield industrial sector remains hot

By Brian Miller and Karl Dumas | From Page: C1

 
Home tour symphony benefit boasts 6 special abodes

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: D1

Solano County to add War on Terror names to memorial

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
3rd-graders study nature at Fairfield park

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Pros have tough time with financial news

By Bud Stevenson | From Page: C1

Smoke-free policy back before Board of Supervisors

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A1

 
Colliers releases Solano-Napa commercial real estate report

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: C1 | Gallery

Calico’s legacy lives on to this day

By Brad Stanhope | From Page: A2

 
I’m asking for your forgiveness

By Steve Kiefer | From Page: D2

 
Library continues spring book sale

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

Vacaville library plans Cinco de Mayo event

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
Knitters group about to start in Vacaville

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

Sacramento rally to support child advocacy

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
Cordelia Garage Sale brings out best treasures

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
Snow Mountain hike set on Mother’s Day

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Airmen from Vacaville finish basic training

By Nick DeCicco | From Page: C4

 
Band festival brings sweet music to downtown Fairfield

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
CASA of Solano seeks volunteers

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A13

 
Public hearing set before Mental Health Advisory Board

By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A13

.

US / World

Britain says hello to newest princess

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
‘Be Kind to Animals’ celebrates 100 years

By The Associated Press | From Page: D6

 
NYPD officer in critical condition after shooting

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Damage soars as Oakland demonstrations turn violent

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
Drop out thinks he can get you a tech industry job

By Bloomberg News | From Page: A9

Japanese PM sees ‘alliance of hope’ with US

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

 
Plans are at odds over fate of medical marijuana

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

‘Huggy’ returns to Capitol after 12-year hiatus

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

 
Sea Lion found wandering the streets of SF

By Bloomberg News | From Page: A11

Planned march turns into ‘victory rally’ in Baltimore

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

 
Portman doing balancing act with re-election, trade

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

Need for cybersecurity experts met by trend in cyber camps

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

 
Lincoln’s hometown re-enact his funeral

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

ISIS kills 25 captive Yazidis in Iraq

By The Associated Press | From Page: A14

 
Pope Francis set to name Serra a saint in DC ceremony

By The Associated Press | From Page: A14

.

Living

Today in history: Sunday, May 3, 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
US colleges bringing in chaplains to serve the nonbelievers

By The Associated Press | From Page: D2Comments are off for this post | Gallery

Community Calendar: May 3, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Love Your Lines: stretch marks go viral in support of women

By The Associated Press | From Page: D4

My 67-year-old husband won’t stop viewing porn on his computer

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: D4

 
Crabapples come in many varieties (some aren’t even crabby)

By The Associated Press | From Page: D4 | Gallery

Horoscope: May 3, 2015

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: D4

 
.

Entertainment

PUBLISHERS WEEKLY BEST-SELLERS

By The Associated Press | From Page: D3

 
T. Coraghessan Boyle wins $30,000 for short story writing

By The Associated Press | From Page: D3

On his list: John Oates of Hall & Oates has book deal

By The Associated Press | From Page: D3

 
Illness memoir ‘The Iceberg’ wins Wellcome Book Prize

By The Associated Press | From Page: D3

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: C5

 
.

Sports

Mayweather wins unanimous decision over Pacquiao

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Raiders head to Travis AFB for Day 3 of NFL Draft

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Favorite American Pharoah rallies to win Kentucky Derby

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Grizzlies, Warriors ready to meet in conference semifinals

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

49ers fortify offense on third day of draft

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Murray wins twice for BMW Open final against Kohlschreiber

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Jeff Gordon leads Hendrick in pole-winning run at Talladega

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Kreider’s early goal leads Rangers over Capitals in Game 2

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Thompson ricochets to share of LPGA Tour lead with Park

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Joey Logano uses big block on last lap to win Xfinity race

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Yankees say they don’t plan to pay home run bonus to A-Rod

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Raiders fill more holes on final day of draft

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Odor’s RBI single in 10th lifts Rangers past A’s

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Michael Allen leads Champions Tour’s Insperity Invitational

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Posey, Crawford homer in Giants’ 5-4 win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Paul lifts Clippers past Spurs, 111-109 in Game 7

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

McIlroy in a fight with Casey until darkness gets in the way

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
.

Business

Starbucks breakdown shows how registers have evolved

By The Associated Press | From Page: C1 | Gallery

 
Offshore wind energy sector off to slow start in US

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

Recalls this week: Kaleidoscope toys, batteries

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

 
A chip off the old Croc: The return of the ugly shoe

By Bloomberg News | From Page: C3 | Gallery

US seeks to compensate victims of Sudan, Iran and Cuba

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

 
Review: Getting your Apple Watch? Here’s how to use it

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

 
.

Obituaries

Marcello T Gemignani

By Nancy Green | From Page: A13

 
Lois Geraldine Johnston

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A13

Sherman Elwood

By Nancy Green | From Page: A13

 
George Benjamin Kimes Jr.

By Nancy Green | From Page: A13

Gerald Mc Devitt

By Nancy Green | From Page: A13

 
Fred L. Kirk

By Nancy Green | From Page: A13

.

Comics

.

Summer Sunsational 2015

Solano County Fair: Something for everyone

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM6

Oldest parade marches to oldest fair in California

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM10

Get ready to get down to the music at Dixon fair

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM13

Cars, cars and more cars

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM18

Farmers markets, produce stands offer regional bounty

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM19

Golf, anyone? Lots to choose from

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM20

More wine! Solano offers much to tease the palate

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM22

Get back to nature across Solano County

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM23

Mondavi Center brings world-class performances to region

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM29

Go behind the scene on Anheuser-Busch brewery tours

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM30

Jelly Belly Candy Co. offers more than just candies

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM31

Try your luck at area casinos

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM37

Fair fun continues during summer in Napa

By Daily Republic | From Page: SUM45