Wednesday, March 4, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

I can’t forget that my boyfriend went to strip clubs before we met

Dear Annie: I am having a hard time forgetting my boyfriend’s past. Before we met, he subscribed to girlie magazines, went to strip clubs, bought lap dances, etc. I have always felt those things are degrading and disrespectful to women. He also has said he fantasizes about other women.

Whenever I see him staring at a hot girl, it makes me think of his past. I do believe he loves me, but I can’t help it. This is causing problems in our relationship. How do I get beyond this? — Hard Time Forgiving

Dear Hard Time: A lot of men subscribe to girlie magazines and have visited strip clubs. As long as he has stopped doing these things, we wouldn’t worry about that part of his past. Fantasizing is common (women do it, too) and is not a concern unless he acts on it, although he would be wise to stop discussing his fantasies, since you become so upset.

You and your boyfriend could look into couples counseling to see whether that can help you work through this. But if you cannot let go of his past, we hope you will let go of him. You both deserve a relationship where you feel secure and not judged.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Frustrated Employee” and can empathize. It seems no one ever gets punished, fired or held accountable for not doing their jobs.

I, too, am frustrated with the entitled attitude of many co-workers. It’s downright theft when they habitually pad timecards, use sick leave for a personal day, show up late, take long lunch hours, leave early, etc. And if you are brave enough to complain to management, you are told that this matter will be taken under advisement (and never is), or you are accused of not being a “team player” and blamed for your negative attitude toward your co-workers.

You try to just do your job, but it is difficult when you share responsibilities on a project, and the other person doesn’t carry their weight. Why should I suffer ulcers, sleepless nights, short lunches at my desk and long days in order to support someone else’s lack of work ethic?

You suggested that “Frustrated Employee” put out an updated resume, but it’s possible this person has benefits that cannot be replaced, isn’t able to relocate for another position or is close to retirement. Why do the rules only apply to the few?

From experience, I know that some things will never change. But why are we condoning the actions of those who are not productive and condemning those who are? — Another Frustrated Employee Writing on His Own Time

Dear Another: The reason for your ulcers and frustration is that you think there is some way to transform the useless co-workers or hold management accountable. But there isn’t. If management chooses to ignore incompetent employees, the business suffers, but your choice is simply to stay or go.

If you choose to stay, for whatever reason, it helps to tune out what you cannot fix. Do your job, document your efforts, put a smile on your face and ignore the rest. Conscientious, capable employees like you feel responsible for the success of the company and want their efforts appreciated. But if the company doesn’t care, please let yourself off the hook.

Dear Annie: This is in regard to “Proud Mom,” who didn’t like it when people attempted to touch her baby. There are quite a few places where she can find signs that attach to car seats and strollers saying, “Please Don’t Touch the Baby.” I found plenty offered online, and she could even make her own. Of course, it won’t stop everyone, but it might help a little. — Completely Understand

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

 

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Articles

  • Enter your email address to subscribe and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • .

    Solano News

    Police shut down Fairfield street after shooting

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A1, 5 Comments | Gallery

     
    County honors Meadows Trigueiro as Woman of the Year

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

     
    Celebrity chef motivates Armijo students

    By Susan Winlow | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Caltrans reschedules work on J-Mack Ferry

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A4

     
    State schedules work on Highway 12

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A4

    Bridge work to shut down Highway 12 east of Rio Vista

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A4

     
    Highway 12 Association to meet this month

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A4

     
     
     
    Robots, raucous businessmen set to arrive on big screen

    By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A7

     
    Teen hit by SUV remains in hospital

    By Glen Faison | From Page: A9

    College looks at Measure Q project changes

    By Susan Winlow | From Page: A9

     
     
     
    Fairfield police log: March 2, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12, 1 Comment

    Fairfield police log: March 1, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

     
    Fairfield police log: Feb. 28, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

    Suisun police log: March 2, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

     
    Suisun City police log: March 1, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

    Suisun City police log: Feb. 28, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

     
    Enrollment of non-residents to be capped at some UC campuses

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

    .

    US / World

    California survey finds Sierra snowpack far below normal

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

     
    California shuts down oil wells to protect ground water

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

    Ex-CIA chief admits sharing military secrets with mistress

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A12 | Gallery

     
    Mines, bombs slow Iraqi advance on Islamic State-held Tikrit

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

    India orders TV stations not to give rapist a platform

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

     
    Health officials perplexed by vaccination skeptics

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A13, 1 Comment

    Lawmakers taking another crack at expanding gun checks

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

     
    California lawmakers show wide discrepancy in missed votes

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

    Agents target industry helping Chinese women have US babies

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A13 | Gallery

     
    Family of girl declared brain-dead sues Oakland hospital

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

    US marshals say man killed by Los Angeles police was wanted

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A13, 2 Comments | Gallery

     
    72 passengers reach settlements in Asiana crash

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

    Netanyahu warns US ‘bad deal’ would put Iran on nuclear path

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

     
    .

    Opinion

    Minority outreach that works

    By Jennifer Rubin | From Page: A11, 2 Comments

     
    Israelis worry about inequality, not Iran

    By Daniel Gordis | From Page: A11, 3 Comments

     
    Editorial cartoon: March 3-4, 2015

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A11

     
    .

    Living

    Today in History: March 4, 2015

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Community Calendar: March 4, 2015

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

    Mushrooms are nutrient-packed, with a deep, savory flavor

    By The Washington Post | From Page: B5

     
    Get ready to add white to the rainbow of produce you eat

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

     
    Horoscopes: March 4, 2015

    By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B7

    My husband and I want different things in our retirement

    By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B7

     
    .

    Entertainment

    Apollo to celebrate Holiday birthday

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

     
    Oprah’s Chicago studios to close down

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

    Fashion week moves Milan to Paris

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

     
    TVGrid

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

    .

    Sports

    Bumgarner hit hard in spring debut, A’s beat Giants 9-4

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

     
     
    Vanden girls roll, advance to SJS championship game

    By Marcus Lomtong | From Page: B1

    No ‘floating rubbish’ collection for Olympic sailing venue

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Cal senior Reshanda Gray named Pac-12 Player of the Year

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Rudy Gay, Kings hand Knicks worst loss of season, 124-86

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Cubs’ scramble on Wrigley Field hits bump when mayor balks

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Raiders officially release S Tyvon Branch

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Trooper: Fingerprints show victim in Hernandez’s rented car

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Play ball! Quickly! Baseball tries to speed game this spring

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Australian rugby star Hayne signs 3-year deal with 49ers

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Maid: Hernandez messed with security camera after killing

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Pacquiao big hit so far in Vegas sports books vs Mayweather

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Kings bring back former player Divac in front-office role

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    .

    Business

    Oil glut could soon lead to plummeting prices

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A8, 2 Comments

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Robert C. Thierry

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

     
    Garland (Curly) Henry Tackett

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

    Otto Vasak

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

     
    John Henry Fechter, Jr.

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

    Jacqueline Mendes

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Baldo

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Garfield

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Frank and Ernest

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Blondie

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Pickles

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Zits

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Beetle Bailey

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Rose is Rose

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Dilbert

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Get Fuzzy

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    B.C.

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Peanuts

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    For Better or Worse

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Sally Forth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Wizard of Id

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Baby Blues

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

    Bridge

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

     
    Word Sleuth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

    Cryptoquote

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

     
    Sudoku

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

    Crossword

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7