Saturday, December 27, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

How can I renew my friendship with Ellie without looking desperate?

Dear Annie: I am a high school student. Last year, “Ellie” invited me to her 16th birthday party, and after that, we became inseparable best friends. She was wonderful and supportive.

Lately, we have grown more and more distant. A few weeks ago, Ellie’s family had a crisis, and we took up a collection to help. I didn’t want Ellie to feel like a charity case and wanted her to see that the collection was due to compassion. She seemed thankful, but now she spends time with other friends and rarely with me. She says she is too busy to hang out and won’t answer most of my texts. But I see her Facebook posts, and she tags other friends. The funny thing is, when I tell her about things I’ve done with others, she becomes jealous.

How do I bring old Ellie back? I have other friends, but she and I used to be so close, and it’s sad to see our friendship wither. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I also don’t want to appear desperate. Any advice for me? — Chicago Student

Dear Student: Ellie’s distancing may have nothing to do with the collection for her family. It is not unusual for high school friendships to change. Try talking to her. Say that you miss the closeness you once had, and ask how to warm things up again. But understand that Ellie may simply feel that a different crowd is more to her liking at this point in time. And if that is the case, you will simply need to let her go.

Dear Annie: When my stepmother died, my husband and I took Dad to live with us. Dad was 90, used a walker and could not be left alone for more than a few hours. He died at home three years later.

During this time, I expected we’d get offers of help from my two sisters, but it didn’t happen. When I asked my oldest sister to postpone her summer trip and stay with Dad so my husband and I could attend our daughter’s college graduation, she refused. There were other occasions when I had to beg for help and was turned down. In three years, my sister took care of Dad for all of six weeks. My other sister stayed with Dad once for three days.

I realize I should have had this discussion with my sisters when I first took Dad to live with me. Instead, I am filled with resentment, and our sibling relationship has suffered.

Many of your readers will someday be the caregiver of an elderly parent. Please remind them to have “the conversation” with their family before they make my mistake. I am seeing a therapist to help me work through my resentment, but I have a long way to go. — Just Venting

Dear Venting: Our condolences on this entire situation. You are right that these arrangements should be hashed out in advance, knowing that some children are unwilling or unable to be caregivers. We hope readers in this situation will check out eldercare.gov or the Family Caregiver Alliance (caregiver.org) for information on respite care.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Disappointed Dad,” whose children accused him of being cheap.

Your older readers might remember that cans of scouring powders used to come with six little holes on the lid that you punched out yourself. My mother only punched out three. Later, the same brand came out with the holes already opened, with a little plastic adhesive circle covering them. Mom would carefully tear off only half of the circle.

Years later, I was teasing her about this, and she gave me a level look and said, “I put you through college, didn’t I?” She had me there! — A Graduate of UNC-Chapel Hill

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. 

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Articles

  • Enter your email address to subscribe and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • .

    Solano News

    Suisun Valley celebrates appellation’s anniversary

    By Kevin W. Green | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

     
     
    Girl’s selfless act boosts Suisun Wildlife Center

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

    Beer for 1st butterfly of year challenge returns

    By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    SF Giants championship trophy coming to Vacaville

    By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3

     
    Fire damages Fairfield home

    By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3

    Car rolls over on Highway 113

    By Ian Thompson | From Page: A3

     
     
    Suisun City police log: Dec. 25, 2014

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

    Fairfield police log: Dec. 25, 2014

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

     
     
    .

    US / World

    California braces for first widespread frost

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

     
    California gears up for migrant driver’s licenses

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 5 Comments

     
    4 dead in fiery Northern California car crash

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

    Police officer shoots woman in leg in Hollywood

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 3 Comments

     
    Inmate breaks out of jail through ventilation duct

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

    People slide down bedsheets to escape motel fire

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

     
    Court: LA Police Department policy for impounding cars is OK

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

    Baby ostracized by other gorillas will switch zoos

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Thousands attend 8-hour wake for slain NYC officer

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

    Study: Marijuana use has increased in Colorado

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 2 Comments

     
    Dog not gone: Rescue in the Columbia Gorge

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

    Bodies of woman, 3 grandsons found in burned home

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Truck crashes into home; 93-year-old resident dies

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

    Scientists target mess from Christmas tree needles

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

     
    Lawmakers promise to help strapped oil-patch towns

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

    Feline fame in cyberspace gives species a boost

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

     
    At 101, dedicated union rep is calling it quits

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

    Can GOP shatter ‘Obama coalition’ in 2016?

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A10, 2 Comments

     
    GPS used to track some immigrants caught at border

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A10, 1 Comment

    10th anniversary of tsunami is marked with tears

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

     
    .

    Opinion

    A proud man, a good honorable man

    By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8, 26 Comments

     
    Sony hack is reminder of broader Sony dysfunction

    By William Pesek | From Page: A8

     
    .

    Living

    Today in History: Dec. 27, 2014

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Community Calendar: Dec. 27, 2014

    By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

    Remember, caregivers need some care attention, too

    By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B5

     
    Horoscopes: Dec. 27, 2014

    By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B5

    Cow that fled slaughterhouse in 2006 has new home, again

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

     
    .

    Entertainment

    TVGrid

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

     
    Jazz great Buddy DeFranco dies at age 91

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

     
    1990s TV star ‘Screech’ charged in bar stabbing

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7, 1 Comment

    .

    Sports

     
    Suns outlast Kings 115-106 for 5th straight win

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

    Anthony Davis, Roman meet over tweet

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

     
    Cleveland reaches 50 years of sports futility

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Games to Remember from 2014

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    NC State wins Bitcoin Bowl to cap turnaround year

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Rutgers beats North Carolina in Quick Lane Bowl

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    La. Tech beats Illinois 35-18 in Heart of Dallas Bowl

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Arizona’s Lindley back at starter, Stanton has infection

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Prep JV boys basketball: Vanden gets win in Dixon tourney

    By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

    Could Watt be 1st NFL MVP from defense since Taylor in 1986?

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Dan Uggla joins Nationals for minor league deal

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    Georgia’s Richt: RB Todd Gurley heading to NFL

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Slumping New Jersey Devils fire coach Pete DeBoer

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    No. 1 Kentucky, No. 4 Louisville resume rivalry

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Raiders rookie CB makes most of opportunity

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

    High-scoring offenses create longer college games

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Anderson: post-game petulance was out of character

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Chiefs QB Alex Smith out with lacerated spleen

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Globetrotters’ Robert ‘Showboat’ Hall dies

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    This date in sports history for Saturday, Dec. 27, 2014

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

    Weather for Saturday, Dec. 27, 2014

    By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B11

     
    .

    Business

    In 2014, US economy began shaky, finished strong

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 1 Comment

     
    Holiday deliveries improve but hiccups continue

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

    Missouri 1st to see average gas price below $2

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6, 1 Comment

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Frances Cruz Pangelinan

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

     
    John Benjamin Calvin Adams

    By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

    .

    Comics

    Wizard of Id

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Dilbert

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Get Fuzzy

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Baldo

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Beetle Bailey

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    B.C.

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Sally Forth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Zits

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    For Better or Worse

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Pickles

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Garfield

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Frank and Ernest

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Baby Blues

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Blondie

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Rose is Rose

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

     
    Peanuts

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B4

    Word Sleuth

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

     
    Crossword

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

    Cryptoquote

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

     
    Sudoku

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

    Bridge

    By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

     
    .

    Home Seller 12/27/14

    Average US 30-year mortgage edges up slightly

    By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR2

    Real estate transactions for Dec. 27, 2014

    By Daily Republic | From Page: HSR2