Monday, December 22, 2014

Enjoying your relationship in the coming year

From page A2 | December 25, 2012 |

Are there things you have thought of doing to increase your level of enjoyment in 2013? Do you feel that you are getting the most joy you can from your relationship?

Joy can be elusive, especially when your relationship has hit a few speed bumps. But finding it can mean the difference between success and failure in love. Joy is a feeling that comes over you when you look at your partner and emotionally experience all the good that the two of you have created together and will create in the future.

Being unable to enjoy just being with each other, without some outside input, is a possible problem. If you enjoy life with your partner most when you are engaged in some kind of activity together, that’s fine, but you also have to be able to enjoy life as a couple when all there is to do is watch television and hang out on the couch. If all you really wanted to have was an activity partner, then almost anyone would do. You chose the person you are with because he or she made you feel like no other, and you needed to share the rest of your life with him.

Many people make New Year’s resolutions. This is a fresh start we can give ourselves every year. It can also be a gift that as a couple you give to each other. Breaking bad habits and creating good ones is one place to start. You can also resolve to have a closer and more joyful relationship. By declaring that you both want it, you can both benefit from this little jump-start we get on Jan. 1. Making this commitment to your relationship is something that requires you both to agree – and to let go of being disagreeable.

Creating enjoyment in your relationship and for the year ahead may be one of the most fulfilling things you will ever do as a couple. As you embark on this path, you can know that the joy you feel will radiate to others and will create deeper relationships with all the people who matter to you.

By doing this emotional homework, you will give yourself and your relationship the opportunity to get back on a positive track and create greater enjoyment. What both of you want from your union is usually within reach. You can begin with a gentle discussion and then give it your best effort in following through. Remember that a relationship worth having is one where both people feel it’s worth the effort.

Given all the hard work it takes to make a good relationship, you deserve some enjoyment. It is there for you as long as you don’t harbor resentments and do share your real feelings. The things that prevent us from feeling joy are the same things that create depression. We have to get out of ourselves and into the hearts and minds of the people we love. Then we can share the truly joyful gift that the new year has in store for us.

Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, is the author, most recently, of “100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence – Believe in Yourself and Others Will Too.” Email him at

Barton Goldsmith


Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy


Solano News

Christmas comes early to San Marco Street park

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Travis squadron delivers Christmas gifts to East Tabor

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Multiple car accident blocks I-80 in Vacaville

By Glen Faison | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Kitchen fire dislocates family for Christmas

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4 | Gallery

Weather for Dec. 22, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B10


US / World









Steelers, Packers win, move into playoffs

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Raiders knock Bills out of playoffs with 26-24 win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Kings snap 5-game losing skid, beat Lakers 108-101

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Burns gives Sharks late-night win over Blues in OT

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

NFL Roundup: Cowboys end 4-year drought, make playoffs

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Super-G crash makes Vonn wait in bid for record

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

7 hurt when lightning strikes near Tampa Bay game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

India’s Arjun Atwal wins Dubai Open

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Documents: FSU QB Winston cleared in conduct hearing

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2





Marian Kay Zutz

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Bart Ferro

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4



Cryptoquote Dec 23

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Dilbert Dec 22

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A6