Dear Annie: I am a 76-year-old man. After 46 years of a happy marriage, my precious wife passed away four years ago.
I live in the country and have become acquainted with several single women around my age who are widows or divorcees and live within a 20-mile radius. I have taken a few of them out to dinner or to a play. They go with me once or twice and won’t go again. They tell me they are too busy with their grandchildren. One said, “We are too different.” Another said she is not in the dating mood. All have told me that I am a real nice guy, and it’s not because of anything I did or said.
I’ve never made inappropriate advances toward these women. I’ve only asked for a little hug because I miss holding my wife. But it seems they do not want to be touched, and two of them told me that I am expecting too much. I have never indicated that I wanted more than a hug, although I have to admit, in my own mind, I have hoped that after going out a few times, we could go a little farther than that. I’m not looking for a serious relationship. I am just extremely lonesome and would like to have a companion to go places with and be together occasionally.
I’ve never really understood women, so I’m at a loss here. I don’t own a computer, so I cannot try meeting women online. Do you have any suggestions? Please tell me what I’m doing wrong. — Lonesome Okie
Dear Lonesome: We don’t know what you are doing wrong. If you are giving these women the impression that you want physical affection, but not a serious relationship, they may not be interested. Asking for hugs on a first date may be too forward, or it may frighten them. We know you are lonely, but please slow down. You might be coming across as too needy, which is not attractive. Get to know these women as friends first, and see where it leads. And if you are interested in online dating, your local library can provide a computer.
Dear Annie: My brother’s daughter is getting married this summer. She’s having a huge wedding. All of the nieces, nephews and cousins are invited except our three daughters. My brother said they have to cut somewhere.
Should I just shrug this off? I told my mother that I’m so upset, I’m thinking of never seeing or speaking to my brother again. Is this a feeling I should be having? Should I ask my brother what we did to them that they would exclude us in this way? — Not a Happy Sister
Dear Sister: Generally, it is wise to “cut” along the same family lines, so that, for example, you invite all first cousins or none of them. However, sometimes the bride or groom has a close relationship with some cousins and not others. In such cases, if the guest list is limited, it makes sense to invite those with whom you are closest. Is it possible that your children are especially distant from the bride? Have they had a falling out of which you are unaware? Unless there is a reason, we find this exclusion unnecessarily hurtful. We hope you can work through it.
Dear Annie: “Disgusted in N.Y.” said her 85-year-old aunt never had a bath in the six weeks she spent in the hospital. There is evidence not to bathe hospital patients using plastic tubs due to increased infection rates when tubs are not disinfected sufficiently between uses.
As a result, many hospitals have adopted the use of prepackaged disposable bath wipes. Often these are warmed and feel good to the patient, and it cleans them. Perhaps the hospital needs to investigate using these wipes. — Pennsylvania Nurse
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.